See Hear Speak
by Smudge93
Summary: What would you take from someone that you hold a grudge against? Dean is about to find out! Thrown into a world of absolute isolation can Sam save him before his time runs out?
1. Chapter 1

Someone from Dean's past comes back to haunt him with avengeance.

Sam needs to figure out who and how to fix his brother.

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Chapter explains itself, maybe a little gory for some folks, just to let you know!

Enjoy

1: Silence and Darkness 

Sam sighed as he thought how easily trouble found his brother, he was going to add the thought of these days, but these days weren't any different from the previous ones. It was almost as if Dean went looking for it, had some extra sense that sent him on a collision course with harm.

Ever since Dad died however it had gotten worse, Dean was a little closer to the edge, a little more willing to risk himself to get the job done, and that was a bad thing, a really bad thing 'cos Dean already took enough risks as it was. It was as if Dean wanted to find something that would hurt him, use the physical pain to ease the pain that he couldn't control and could do nothing about, ease the guilt that was slowly eating him, destroying him. Sam could only watch as his brother rested his finger on his own self-destruct button, waiting to pick up the pieces and put them back together if, or more likely, when he pushed it…..that's if there would be any pieces left.

Take last night in the bar for instance, all these beautiful woman that were just begging for Dean to take them home and he'd left with the one the Sam had asked him not to, _probably because I asked him not to, _Sam thought wryly_. _There had been something about her, something that was off, maybe that's what drew Dean to her in the first place. Dean had thought he'd known her, something familiar about her that he just couldn't place. Sam on the other hand had taken an instant dislike to her, she just felt like trouble, he couldn't put his finger on why, she just had.

Dean had left with her anyway.

Now it was two o'clock the next day and Dean had yet to answer his cell phone, a single text message from his brother's phone leading him here to this old abandoned house that Sam was now standing outside of, gun out, ready to go find out what the hell had happened to his brother now.

_Dean's night hadn't gone quite as he had expected or planned but then that was nothing new. _

He had wanted a night to get drunk with his brother but then she had come up and spoke to him and he couldn't resist the lure of going somewhere quiet and enjoying a few moments of total release, to get the chance to sink down into that warm pit of total oblivion and escape his sad excuse for a life for a little while in the arms of a beautiful and willing companion.

The bitch he had left with though had had other ideas. She had slipped something in his beer, and now, he had no idea were he was or how he had gotten there, but he knew one thing for sure, he was in trouble. Waking up chained to an attic floor was his first clue; the second was his pick up from hell carving lumps out of his chest with a bowie knife and reciting over him in Latin. He hissed as she poured a rather vile looking liquid into the cuts.

_Should have listened to Sam_ his little inner voice screamed at him. _Yeah tell me something I don't know, please be looking for me little bro._

He had to sit and watch as she had ripped two of his toenails off and it had hurt so much that he couldn't even catch his breath to even scream.

He closed his eyes as he watched her approach again, knife in hand. The knife however he'd found always made him scream. She cut into his chest causing that very scream to rip from his lungs and she smiled as she lent over him.

"Friggin' bitch."

He wanted to curl up in a ball, the liquid and the cuts causing his insides to spasm, he fought to keep the panic down inside, he knew that this was going to get bad, real bad he just wondered how much more he could actually take before he'd have to beg her to stop it ……….or end it.

She was smiling at him again, her voice cutting through the haze of pain.

"Did you enjoy that scream, the ability to let out all that pain and agony that I'm putting you through? I hope so 'cause it'll be the last time that you get the chance to do that, to vent all that nasty hurt!"

She spoke some words over the ritual cup and forced his mouth opened, pouring the dark liquid into him until he gagged on it.

"Speak."

She whispered the word in his ear. He felt the liquid trickle slowly down his throat despite his best efforts not to swallow it. It seemed to congeal in his throat, he could still breathe, but he realised that he could no longer talk, no longer make any type of noise. He felt his hold on the panic slipping.

She paused for effect and then lifted the cup to eye level. He knew now what was coming and sheer terror washed through him, drowning him and he wanted to scream at her not to do this to him, plead with her but she had already robbed him of that ability. Now she was going to rob him of another. He tried to move his head away from where the cup hovered above him.

"See."

The liquid touched his eyes and he felt the tears forming as the already poor light in the room dipped and then went out. Dean could feel the panic really grip him now, almost hyperventilating. He struggled with his bonds but all he succeeded in doing was slicing the metal cuffs into his skin.

She smiled as she watched him struggle blindly then she touched his head, making him jump, laughed as he tried again to wriggle away from her.

"Poor Dean, can't speak, can't see. Do you know what's next?" She rubbed his ears gently in her hands and he felt the bile rise in his throat. _God no, please don't do this, what did I do to deserve this?_

It was like she had read his mind as she spoke next. "You don't remember me do you?" He shook his head. "Such a pity 'cos now you'll never know why I'm doing this." She ran her hands down his chest, down into his jeans, down between his legs, gripping him hard. He opened his mouth in a silent scream as she dug her nails through his flesh.

"You don't remember any of them at all, do you? Only your own gratification." Her lips were on his face. "A flash of those green eyes,"……..her hand stroked his neck………… "some silken words,"…………her tongue in his ear…….. "take what you want and then you're gone."

She laughed and turned his head. "You get what you want and then you don't care. Well I'll make sure that you don't do that again Dean, I'll make damn sure. Can't speak, can't see, can't…….."

If he had been able to he would have begged her to not to do this, pleaded with her, as it was though all he could do was lie there and let her make his descent into absolute isolation complete.

"…..hear."

She started singing softly to him, a song he recognised but couldn't place and he flinched as she poured the last of the liquid equally into each of his ears. He drifted on her voice until it began to fade, until he could no longer hear her and his world turned to one of silence and darkness.

She smiled as he jumped as she touched his chest again with the knife, one final cut, one final recital needed to seal the spell.

She loosened his bonds and watched as he slowly curled himself up into a ball, crying silently at the pain any movement caused him, pushing himself away from her with his feet, completely broken by both the ritual and its effects.

He backed up until he was against the wall and then she walked forward to him, knife again in hand. He bucked as she pinned him to the wall and then she slowly slid the knife into him, cutting a shallow cut under his ribs. She touched his head and chanted a Latin verse, waiting until she felt him slip into unconsciousness.

"Goodbye Dean Winchester, have a nice life." She picked up his phone, sent the text message, and then threw it down at his feet.

"Don't worry little brother will soon be on his way. Wouldn't want you to die and waste all my hard work."

With that, she turned and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes:**

Quieter chapter, Sam finds Dean.

Thank you for the reviews, they're great!

Safe In My Brother's Arms

The house was cold and quiet.

Sam listened for any signs of life but the only noise was just the usual creaks and groans of an old house and the occasional whistle of the wind through the ill-fitting windows.

Sam had no idea why his brother would be here. He tried Dean's phone again and was rewarded by the sound of music from above his head. Dean, or at least Dean's phone, was in the attic. He searched through the house until he found the way up.

Sam slowly opened the door to the attic and climbed the stairs, gun and torch in hand, the old house's boarded up attic window affording little light into the place where he now was, he stopped every now and again to check for movement.

He reached the top and stepped backwards against the wall, letting his eyes adjust to the gloom around the beam of torch light and then he stepped over the threshold. He could smell the perfume from the candles, almost still see the smoke from them, knew that they had only recently been blown out.

He walked further into the room, noticing the markings drawn on the floor, the little cup that lay knocked over on its side. He picked up what looked like a rag and froze. It was a t-shirt, Dean's t-shirt. His brother had been here.

Softly Sam called Dean's name, listening for any sound, any sign that his brother was still here, that she hadn't moved him on somewhere else. He stepped into the middle of the ritual circle and tried to decide what the markings actually meant. He noted the d-rings in the floor and the cuffs that now lay empty beside them; it was then that he noticed the small dark stain on the floor. Stealing himself he bent and touched his fingers into the liquid and then raised then them to the light of his torch that he now held in his mouth.

The liquid was unmistakable. It was blood and it was fresh.

He risked another cry of his brother's name, little edges of panic sneaking through him.

The silence was his only reply.

He had stepped further into the room to check around it when he heard it.

A soft shuffling noise from the corner of the room, something was either trying to move towards him or away. He wasn't sure which. He raised his gun to chest height and slowly stepped forward knowing that he was an open target with the torch shining before him but not wanting to approach whatever was in the corner blind.

As the torch light pushed away the shadow he saw the feet first, the blood dripping down from the toes of one where the nails had been ripped off. Slowly he walked closer, denim clad legs came into view and the bare skin of the torso. Sam's breath hitched as he saw the symbols carved in the chest of the person that was sitting propped up in the corner. He knew it was Dean but he couldn't bring himself to hurry over and kneel beside him, everything about his bother's demeanour screamed to him that he was dead.

Sam felt fear grip his heart.

The culprit for the shuffling noise came into view, a rat……..a fat black rat that sat nearby his brother's side, its eyes glistening, attracted by the smell of the blood.

Dean just lay there unmoving.

Sam shot the rat, exploding bits of it over his brother, hoping for some reaction. Dean lay still as death despite the noise even though Sam's own ears were ringing with the sound in such a tight space.

Slowly Sam walked towards the still figure; he kicked the bigger bits of the remains of the rat from Dean's side and knelt down.

Taking a deep breath, he gently touched his fingers to his brother's neck, moving them until he found what he was looking for. A slow, faint, but steady pulse.

He breathed out.

Taking the torch, he scanned it over his brother's body for a better look at the damage and he didn't like what he saw. He noted a couple of teeth marks on Dean's side but he was troubled mostly by how deep some of the carvings on Dean's chest were, the skin had almost been hacked out in some places. Sam put his hand to his brother's stomach and checked the bloody gap under his ribs, noting that the cut wasn't deep just designed to hurt and make Dean bleed on the floor, attracting the rat to him.

Sam tried to lift Dean up but he struggled badly with the dead weight, knew that he wouldn't be able to carry his brother down all the stairs from the attic. He would have to try and wake him, hope that he could at least stand and help Sam get him out of here. He tried to gently rouse Dean, calling his name and splashing water from his flask on him. He was finally rewarded with Dean surfacing, his eyes flickered, and Sam instantly realised that something was wrong. Instead of his brother's strong green eyes staring at him, Dean's eyes were covered in an opaque film, and it was obvious that he couldn't see.

Sam touched his hands to Dean's face and that's when all hell broke loose. Panic seized Dean, sheer blind unadulterated panic. He pushed at Sam trying to get him off him, struggling with his brother's grip on him. Sam tried to calm him, talk to him and gripped his wrists tighter but that just seemed to make things worse. Finally, Sam gripped both of Dean's hands to stop him batting at him and pulled his brother close to him, hugging him, trying to stop him hurting himself further.

Dean finally stopped struggling; pushed Sam back and gently raised his hands to Sam's face, exploring it, tracing the outline of his features, checking who it was. He caught Sam by surprise as he collapsed forward, hugging Sam to him so tightly Sam could hardly breathe and then he started to sob silently. Sam held onto him until the tears where spent and then tried again to speak to him again, find out what happened. Dean made no sign that he had heard him.

Sam knew that Dean was blind and he was fairly sure now that his brother was deaf too.

Sam carefully pulled Dean to his feet and mindful of his brother's injuries started to lead him out of the attic and down the stairs. The progress was painfully slow, Sam watching his brother as he clung to him as if his life depended on it, leaning heavily on him for support.

Worry filled Sam, his brother was in agony, it was written all over his face yet he hadn't made a single noise since Sam had found him, no gasp of surprise, no groan of pain. Sam tried to push away the nagging doubt that perhaps his brother had been struck dumb also.

Slowly he got Dean out of the house and into the car. Sam watched as the familiar feel of the car caused Dean to relax just a little. He got an old blanket from the boot and gently covered Dean with it.

Then he climbed in and headed for the motel.

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He felt the hands on him and tried to bat them away knowing that at the moment he couldn't take anymore, she'd broke him, he'd admit that. The hands tightened their grip and he panicked, tried to fight them off,he couldn't stop himself.

Then he realised.

_The hands are different…rougher…stronger. It's not her. Could it be…? _

Dean raised his hands to the face of the person before him, tracing the outline of the face…the jaw…the nose. He felt a small bubble of relief float up through him as he finally touched the hair and knew who this was.

_It was Sam_.

Somehow, thank god, his brother had found him. He was safe. His brother was here and that made everything better. He couldn't stop himself from hugging Sam to him, taking in the feel of his brother's arms round him and the smell of him. The grief raged through him but the only release he had was his tears despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to throw his head back and scream his misery to the heavens.

He let his brother guide him to the car, relaxing a little at the familiar smell of the leather, the small reassurance of normality that the car always brought him. He couldn't hear it but he felt the vibrations of the engine, felt the change as his brother picked up speed and took them away from that house, from her. Dean wished he could remember who she was, where he had seen her before, but it was sitting there just out of reach for the moment. It didn't matter anyway…even if he did remember how the hell was he supposed to let Sam know?

His mind drifted.

_What if I'm stuck like this forever? Trapped inside my own head with no way to get out, no escape from me or for me? How do I live like this? How do I protect my brother if I can't even protect myself? _

He feel the wave of self pity crash into him and he tried to shut it and his mind down, concentrating only on the feel of the car, letting it do what it always did, soothe him, draw him down into sleep, his tortured mind and body finally welcoming unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Notes:**

A little brother moment

Thanks for the reviews, this story will probably move along a little slowly but hopefully you'll enjoy it. There will be a little back story on our delightful mystery woman soon.

In CH2 there was supposed to be a break between the two different POV's and for some reason it lumped it all together, I have sorted this and thanks for letting me know. Mary x

Chapter 3 

He helped Dean into the motel room and onto the bed, his brother immediately curling himself up into a fetal position, his chest almost resting against his knees.

Sam forgot his brother couldn't hear him. "No Dean, don't do that."

He gently touched his brother's arm and jumped as he jumped.

"Sorry, I forgot." Sam needed to talk to break the silence, to keep him sane.

He pulled Dean's legs down and gently patted his chest. "I need to look at this and clean it bro."

He rolled Dean onto his back and went to fetch the first aid kit from the car.

---

Dean jumped as his brother's hand touched the bare skin of his arm and then he felt Sam pulled at his legs, trying to get him to lie straight, realising that Sam wanted to clean and tend the wounds on his chest. He let Sam roll him onto his back and then froze as he felt the cold air caress his skin.

_Sam's gone outside_.

He felt the panic return.

_The first aid kit Dean, he's just gone for the first aid kit, no need to panic, he's not leaving. _

Dean still held his breath though until he felt the little breeze again and the touch of his brother's hand on his skin. He gripped Sam's hand tightly in his own not really wanting to ever let go again.

---

Sam could see the panic written clearly on Dean's face and it took a moment for him to understand that Dean knew he had left the room. He looked at the door and realised that Dean had felt the draught of the door opening, had known he was alone.

Sam touched his brother's hand and had to fight back the tears as Dean gripped it fiercely. "Sorry, I won't do that again, I promise."

He mentally kicked himself for causing his brother more distress. He opened the first aid kit and extricated his hand from his brothers, gently tapping Dean's foot to let him know what he was doing.

Sam swallowed hard.

He hated feet, would rather sew a bloody arm back together than touch feet. He looked at his brother's face and thought he saw the fleetest of smiles there.

"You better not be laughing at me Dean Winchester."

He carefully cleaned Dean's damaged toes and quickly wrapped them, worry filled him that as Dean couldn't see he might damage them again.

He felt like throwing up, waited until the moment had past, and then turned to his brother's chest.

It was a mess, Sam wasn't even sure if he should be doing this himself but how do you explain these sorts of injuries at an A & E? He sighed and picked up the bottle of antiseptic, wetting one of the clean bandages with it.

Sam looked at his brother.

Dean was lying with his eyes closed, his hand resting on top of Sam's leg, gripping his knee almost too tightly, obviously looking for some connection…some comfort in Sam's presence. Sam moved over so that his hip was leaning against his brother's own and felt Dean's grip relax a little.

"Sorry Dean, this is gonna hurt."

As gently as he could he started to clean Dean's chest wounds, making sure that he'd touched one of the few parts on his brother chest that wasn't damaged first so that he knew what Sam was about to do.

-----

Dean could feel his brother's hands on his foot and would have let out a small laugh if he could have. Sam hated feet, hated touching them or them touching him and now he had to clean and bandage his. The moment gave Dean some much-needed light relief.

He was gripping his brother's knee tightly, his little anchor for the moment in a sea of emotions that he had no control over. He just needed to know that he wasn't alone. He felt Sam's hand brush his chest and he braced himself for the pain that was about to come his way.

He still wasn't ready.

He felt like Sam was using acid on his skin, the burning sensation went that deep and he couldn't help it, he reached up and fumbled for his brother's hand, stilling it, not able to let him continue at this moment.

He felt Sam shift and panicked slightly, tightening his grip on Sam's knee and hand simultaneously.

----

Sam stopped the minute Dean grabbed his hand, he could see the pain etched across his brother's face, the only guide Sam had to how much his brother was hurting. Sam knew that Dean had suffered worse injuries than this but he'd always been able to see what was happening before, ask questions, hell even just cry out if it got too much or joke it off, but this time he was lost somewhere inside himself and there was nothing but the pain to fill the hole left by his loss of sense and speech.

Sam freed his hand and reached for the bottle on the nightstand. He lifted Dean's head and forced a little of the whisky down, laughing as Dean almost snatched the bottle and drank a good bit down.

Sam pulled it away. "Easy there, big brother. A little at a time." He watched as Dean relaxed a little and then rest his hand loosely back on Sam's knee signalling that he was ready to let Sam finish up.

Sam put the bottle down and grabbed the camera from the stand glad that his brother couldn't see what he was doing. He took pictures of Dean's chest, making sure that he could see all the markings in them before finishing, knowing that he might need them to get to the bottom of this and help his brother.

Once he was finished, he wrapped the bit of Dean's chest that needed it and then helped him into a t-shirt and jogging bottoms. His final act of the night was to give Dean some of the antibiotics that they had stashed for emergencies and some sleeping pills that Sam had.

Then he sat with his brother holding his hand until he fell asleep.

Dean woke and rolled over, instinctively going to check the time on the clock between the beds before he remembered that he couldn't. He had no idea how long he'd slept or even if it was night or day. Worst still, he had no idea where his brother was, he just knew that he was no longer sitting on the bed beside him. It was Dean's body that had woken him and he rolled his legs out of bed and groaned silently as the pain in his chest kicked in again.

_Sonuvabitch that hurts! God where the hell is Sam? Other bed perhaps? Ok Winchester you can do this. _

Dean reached out and ran his hand along the bed until it touched the nightstand between them.

_Ok, so I'm at least facing the right way. _

He stood and shuffled slowly forward to the other bed and stopped as he felt his knees collided with the edge.

_See that was easy enough._

He bent down and felt across the bed trying to see if his brother was lying there.

_God please don't let my hands end up anywhere they're not supposed to! _

He groped forward slowly until he realised that the bed was empty.

_Ok…no Sam…no need to panic Dean…he's here…you know that…he wouldn't leave you…not like this. Please don't have left me Sam…ok stop THAT right now, no panic Dean he's here…you are here Sam, I know it. The table…he's just fell asleep at the table, head in the laptop as always…except I don't know where the friggin' table is from here! _

He shuffled backwards again and dropped when the back of his knees touched the bed behind him. He ran his hand slowly over his face and wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead. He realised that his hands were shaking.

_You can do this…you can. Calm…think…the room's your standard layout here Dean, been in rooms like this all your life, two beds…you're on the one nearest the door…I think…so the table is at the bottom of Sam's. _

He brought up the image of the room in his mind, trying to remember exact what this room had looked like when they had arrived earlier, before they gone out and this had happened to him.

_Bathroom door was on the wall opposite this bed…so all you gotta do is pick up your balls from the floor Winchester and work your way round the wall to it. Slow and easy…you can do this. _

He rolled over the bed, swearing in his head at the pain that particular movement caused. He took a deep breath and stood.

_Wall's in front of you…can't be far…you can do this. _

He stepped forward and smiled as his hands connected with the smooth wall and touched the edge of the curtains. He fumbled down to his right.

_Curtains are still closed…does that mean its still night? Must still be nighttime…Sam's just sleeping Dean…he's here. _

He moved on until his hands rested on the door to the room.

_Ok, it's locked and the key's in the inside which means that Sam is here…somewhere. God what if he's lying hurt in here somewhere? What if she got to him too?_

Panic flared again inside him. He groped his way into the corner and felt the tears build inside of him; he rested briefly putting his head against the wall, fighting down the emotions and the fear.

_Stop that and get moving! _

He moved his hand along a bit further and then jumped back as he touched the hot light, his skin sticking to it.

_Sonuvabitch. _

He put his other hand forward, at a lower level and touched the wall, then he stepped forward, turned and slid down it into a heap at the bottom, and clutched his injured hand to him.

_Can't do this… can't even get to the bathroom on my own…I'm useless like this. _

He curled his good hand into a fist and pounded the floor. He felt the hands touch him and realised that it had worked, wherever Sam had been, he was beside him now, had been woken by the noise. Sam would help him now, he'd now what to do. _Please Sam, know what to do. _

_He's probably fussing over me right now, talking to me, telling me it's gonna be ok, roasting my ass for trying this on my own. _

He felt Sam pull him to his feet and he let himself slump dejectedly against his brother's chest, felt it as Sam pulled him away, _he's staring at me with those puppy dog eyes, _and then Sam pulled him in close, hugging him to him and Dean let him.

-----

Sam stood there for a moment with his brother held tightly in his arms and then he pushed Dean back.

"What the hell were you doing Dean?" He grabbed Dean's hand that he was favouring and looked at the red mark on his palm.

"Couldn't have made the noise bro' before you hurt yourself eh? Where were you going?"

He looked over at the bathroom door that had almost been within his brother's reach and realised that that had been the goal.

"Come on let's get this hand seen to, then you seen to and get out of here."

Sam knew that he'd need help, he needed to be able to go do research and he had to go back to the house and see the circle again, see if he couldn't work out a way to fix this or track down the bitch that could.

He needed some place where he knew that his brother would be safe, where Dean would feel safe, even without him there.

He needed Bobby.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Notes:**

Longer than normal, just a little chapter at Bobby's and then I will move onto some back story in part of the next chapter.

Thank you for all the reviews, this is quite a tough story to write, (much easier to torture them than this!)

Bobby

Dean sat quietly in the car, his head leaning against the windows, the old leather jacket pulled up under his chin.

Sam glanced over and frowned at how lost his brother looked sitting there slumped in the seat. He reached over and touched Dean's shoulder, watching as he flinched slightly and then turned to face him. Sam cringed looking at his brother's eyes, still covered by the strange opaque film; he squeezed his shoulder and dropped his hand, resting it back on the steering wheel.

Dean was only holding it together because he knew that Sam was there, beside him, watching out for him. He couldn't do any of the things that he would normally do to calm the rising feeling of frustration and if he was honest with himself, vulnerability that he was feeling and this made him afraid and then angry and then the frustration kicked in again; his emotions where on a continuous downwards loop and he had nothing to distract himself from the pull of the despair that threatened to fill him.

Sam was sitting right next to him but for all Dean knew he could be a million miles away; he was cut off from the rest of the world.

_I'm alone…_he killed that thought…_not alone, Sam's here._

He suddenly found that he needed some contact with his brother and Sam was surprised when Dean scrunched the jacket into a ball and settled down against him, his head resting on the jacket, the jacket on Sam's leg.

Dean felt Sam's hand rest down on top of him and smiled. _Thanks Sammy. Sorry for_ _being such a girl little brother. God I'm never gonna live this down, am I?_

He closed his eyes and drifted, lulled again by the car.

Sam drove the rest of the way to Bobby's like that.

---

Bobby watched the car pull into the yard and went to help Sam bring Dean into the house.

Sam had called ahead and warned Bobby what to expect but he was still surprised to see Dean curled up on the front seat. Normally, Dean was only found in this position with a head injury and a severe head injury at that, so that Sam could keep an eye on him. Bobby knew he had never seen Dean adopt that pose willing before, and he admitted that it freaked him to see Dean lying there.

Sam gently shook Dean awake and Bobby reached into help him up but Sam grabbed his hand and shook his head. "You'll scare him, just give me a minute, I'll get him."

Damn, Bobby thought, Sam's in full mother hen mode already, he'd have laughed if it hadn't have been so serious. He stood watching as Sam helped his brother out and brought Dean's hands up to Bobby's face, letting Dean find out for himself who it was.

Dean smiled as he raised his hands. _It's ok Sam, I think I already know who this is, only one place you'd be taking me when you dragged me out of the motel, but hey I can play along. _

Bobby stood patiently until he was finished and smiled as Dean flicked his cap letting them know that he knew who this was. Bobby smacked Dean on the shoulder and a little grin escaped him then he surprised both himself and Dean by pulling the boy into a bear hug.

_Ok, it must be bad, I've managed to freak Bobby out. _

Bobby watched as Sam took Dean's arm, Dean gripping Sam's hand in return and willing let his brother lead him up the porch stairs, into the house. Dean trusted his brother to guide him but his steps were still hesitant, the loss of his senses overriding his faith in Sam a little, his grip almost crushing Sam's hand despite Dean's best efforts not to.

Bobby helped them inside and they got Dean settled on a chair, Sam peeling his brother's hand from his and then quickly gripping it again as the action caused Dean to fumble for Sam and panic to flick briefly across Dean's face.

Bobby watched the exchange and pulled a chair over for Sam to sit on.

"Well Sam, what the hell happened to him this time?" Bobby knelt in front of Dean and examined his eyes carefully as Sam brought him up to date with what he knew. Bobby rested his hand on Dean's face. "You are just a magnet for trouble, ain't' ya?" He turned to Sam. "So he can't see, hear, or speak?"

"No." Bobby heard the hitch in Sam's voice. "His chest's really cut up too."

Bobby went to raise Dean's shirt to check the damage but Dean batted him away and shook his head. "At least your stubborn streak's still intact." …Bobby fondly touched Dean's head and his voice was soft for a moment… "You're gonna need that kid, but I am still gonna check these wounds." He poked Dean in the chest and pulled at his shirt again.

_Ok, ok you big bully, that hurt! You win but picking on me when I'm like this…so no cool_.

Dean rolled his eyes, dropped Sam's hand, and pulled his shirt up. Bobby was glad that Dean couldn't hear the string of expletives that escaped him.

He turned to Sam. "She really did a number on him, looks like some kinda ritual marks."

"I took photos of them and there's a circle at the house I found him in that I need to go back and see once I'm sure that Dean is ok with being left."

Bobby pulled Dean's shirt back down. "I've called a friend of mine, a doctor that I helped get rid of a spirit from her hospital. She'll swing by later and check him out for us."

"And you boy…" …he turned back to Dean…. "you'd better behave for her 'cos she won't take any of the crap you give me and your brother." For probably the first time in his life Bobby wished he could hear one of Dean's smart ass remarks in return, it tore his heart to see him just sat there.

"You boys eaten yet?" Sam was grateful for the unsubtle change of tact.

"No, drove straight here." Sam realised that he hadn't fed his brother at all yesterday and he'd had only a coffee and a few half-hearted bites of a bagel today. _Way to look after him Sam._

"Get cleaned up, I'll go get us something."

---

Bobby had come back an hour later to find Sam with his nose buried in the laptop and Dean sitting beside him, his knee resting against Sam's own. Bobby put the pizza down next to Dean and smiled as he heard Dean's stomach growl. Sam went to reach to help his brother but Bobby stopped him.

Dean smelt the food and felt his stomach growl at the prospect of something to eat, he realised that he had hardly eaten in the last two days. He knew the box was somewhere directly in front of him because that was where the smell that was causing him to drool was coming from.

_Ok so were at Bobby's and I'm expected to do this myself aren't I? _He paused for a moment. _Yep, no pity parties allowed at Bobby's, surprised he didn't make me walk all the way in from the car on my own! Little test here Bobby, see if the blind guy can actually find the box and feed himself? Call that a challenge? _

Dean sat for a moment and then reached forward, opened the box and fished out a slice. Bobby grinned as he watched Dean hold it out for Sam to take. _Still a little of my Dean in there then eh? Making sure that Sammy's fed first. _

Dean took a piece of the pizza for himself and almost swallowed it whole then fumbled for Sam's arm, tapped it and made a drinking gesture with his hand. Sam looked at Bobby and he nodded so Sam opened the bottle of water and pushed it towards Dean, guiding his hand to it.

_Dude, I coulda opened it myself you know and what with the water anyways, Bobby hiding his beer again? _Both Sam and Bobby laughed at the disgusted look on Dean's face when he realised that it was just water that they'd handed to were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"You can have a beer later." Bobby stood and went to let the doctor in.

-----

Mags Graham was a doctor at one of the local hospitals and had met Bobby when she had tended him for some rather nasty gashes he had obtain courtesy of a crazed werewolf that had gotten the jump on him.

Bobby, being Bobby, couldn't help but notice the flickering lights and cold spots in the ER and had queried her about it, when her joking reply of 'I think we've got a ghost' was met with a straight face and more questions she almost booked the CT scan for him there and then. Bobby however had convinced her that he was neither concussed nor crazy and had stopped the ghostly goings on within a week and gained a valuable friend in the process.

Mags didn't take to people easily, she was good at her job but had learned early on the it didn't do to become attached to people that came through her ER, the pain that it had caused her in the past had taught her to close down her emotions and just get on with her job; caring, kind but professional at all times, that was her. Bobby had somehow managed to short-circuit that defence mechanism in less than an hour and she had made a friend.

"Hey Bobby, how you doing?" She stepped into the room, put her bag on the floor, and pulled Bobby into a hug causing his face to flush.

Sam laughed. "You're so lucky Dean can't see your face just now, 'cos you would never be living that one down."

Mags smiled at Sam. "I just do it 'cos I know that he hates it and it embarrasses the heck out of him." She held out her hand to Sam. "Mags, you must be Sam. Bobby told me your brother ran into a spot of bother."

She walked towards Dean and stopped. "Bobby you got anywhere this boy can lie down so I can take a look at him?"

"Boys usually share a room through the back. Sam will you help Dean through?"

Sam got up and helped Dean to his feet. Mags watched Dean shrug off the help but grip his brother's hand all the same.

She laughed. "Can see I'm gonna have trouble with this one."

It was Sam that replied. "You don't know the half of it." He had taken a liking to this woman already.

---

_So what are you guys doing to me now?_

Dean stood and let Sam lead him through and sit him on the bed.

_That time already? God I really miss being able to tell what freakin' time it is. Even just knowing if it was daylight would be nice._

Sam placed an object in his hands and he froze, looking up instinctively in the direction that he knew his brother was.

_You guys didn't, I'm fine, honest. Please tell me you didn't?_ The stethoscope in his hands told him otherwise. _You got a doctor in to look at me? Wonderful I'm gonna be poked and prodded at by someone that I can't even see, hear, or speak too, better than going to the hospital I suppose.! It better be a she and she better be hot Sammy or there will be hell to pay later, d'you hear me? What good's a doc anyhow, can she work miracles? _

Sam took the stethoscope back from Dean and tugged at his t-shirt again.

_Fine, let's just get this over with._

He pulled his t-shirt up and over his head, winching at the pain the simple movement caused him. There were hands on his chest now, examining the cuts, small hands that were cold and unfamiliar.

_It's definitely a lady doctor then_.

He couldn't fight off the sudden feeling of being exposed and vulnerable again that slammed into him, the sudden rush of panic that gripped him at the thought that entered his head.

W_hat if it's her? Sam and Bobby wouldn't know, I can't see to tell. _

He pushed at her and raised his hands to her face, trying to check the features…trying to see what she looked like with his hands instead of his eyes. He couldn't tell…couldn't actually really remember now what his attacker had looked like, his mind closing down on him. He tried to remember back to the bar and then the thought hit him and he calmed.

_Sam saw her in the bar you idiot, he knows what she looks like. _

He felt tears prick his eyes and held his hand out to where he thought Sam would be and was grateful when his brother's fingers closed round his.

_I can't do this Sammy, I can't be like this._

He gripped Sam's hand tighter again.

_Great. Now I'm gonna cry like a baby in front of some doc I can't even see and Bobby. _

He felt Sam pull him in and hold him. He sat there for a moment or two, letting the tears go, just letting his brother comfort him and then he pushed back and nodded.

_Suck it up Winchester just let the lady do her job and then you can just go some place quiet in your head and have your little breakdown ok? _

_---- _

"What the heck was that about?" Bobby was staring at Dean.

It was Mags that answered. "Was it a female that did this to him?" Sam nodded. "He can't see me; you can't tell him that I'm not her. So he freaked out for a few moments, after what he's been through...I think he's entitled." She took both his hands in hers and just sat there until she saw him relax and then she started to slowly examine his chest, stopping anytime that he flinched or felt the need to pull away, giving him any time or space that he needed to let her finish. She checked his blood pressure and a few things and then she looked at Sam.

"You patch him up?" He nodded. "Not a bad job, I need some stuff from my car, can you get him to lie down while I'm gone?"

She left and Sam gently pushed his brother onto his back. "Almost done Dean and then we'll let you get some sleep, bro."

He turned to Bobby. "She nice, patient, I like her."

"I have implacable taste in the people I pick for friends, except for your daddy of course, but then I felt sorry for him, I mean he'd had to put up with a lot…you two are a handful you know…drive any man crazy after a while."

Sam smiled "That you're excuse for being a crusty old crab then, we drove you too it?"

"Sure is."

Mags came back into the room and set down a small kit on the bedside table.

Sam held his breath as she took out the syringe. "He's not gonna like that…at all."

"Well he'll like what I do to him a lot less without it. It's just something to take the edge off while I clean out these cuts and it'll help him relax." She took Dean's hand and placed the syringe in it letting him know what it was.

Sam raised his eyes in wonder as Dean meekly laid out his arm for her as she took it back off him, not sure if he was letting her because he was in pain or because he trusted her. Sam hoped if was the latter.

Twenty minutes later and she was done and Dean was drifting. Sam sat with him while Bobby walked the doctor out.

"So how's he doing?"

"Physically, not too bad, Sam did better than most would have with those injuries and he seems to have escaped any infections but…" She paused.

"But?"

"He's seriously shaken by what's been done to him Bobby. I can't do anything for him with regards to his sight which I think is the worst thing for him…he knows it too…all you can do is be there for him when he needs you…and at some point…when this all really hits home…he is gonna need you, you and Sam both. You really need some way to communicate with him properly, some way to get inside the disabilities that she's put on him."

"I may have a way to do that, just leave it with me ok."

She smiled at him. "What are you up to?... I've left some pain killers and some sleeping tablets for night time. Try and keep him in a routine for now, let him adjust, try not to push him too hard too fast."

"I hear ya, but I'm not letting him sit and wallow in it either."

"I hear you too, but be gentle ok? I'll swing by on Friday, see how he's coping. Call me if you need anything."

She climbed into her jeep and gunned the engine. He waved his thanks as she turned and drove out the yard.

Looking towards the house he sighed, this was not gonna be fun.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Notes:**

Ok a little into the back story here and then Bobby's idea is revealed....tada!

Little note for back story, Dean felt a little out of character as I wrote this, but this 18yrs old Dean not the one we know so I thought, he has to have kicked back against the old man as some point..right? Hope you agree.

Hope you like how Bobby's figured out 'talking' with Dean.

Thank you again for the awesome, awesome reviews, I love them!!!!!!!!

Dots And Dashes 

1997

_Dean always loved the summer. _

_The days were longer which meant less night for things to go bump in and, if he had to go stakeout a job for his father, at least he wasn't freezing his tail off doing it. _

_Dean loved the summer though for one thing in particular above all the others; nearly naked females, the girls shedding their clothes and baring their skin, like trees losing their leaves in the winter, a wonderful sight in his book and, mostly, beauteous to behold. _

_Half-dressed females, Dean's favourite thing in the whole wide world; after food, and the Impala that was. _

_Yep, stakeouts in the summer, nothing better, just as long as John didn't catch him. _

_It was the hood of that said Impala that he was stretched out on at the moment, enjoying the last of the sun's ray and some of that bare skin was resident on the car hood with him and the lips of the girl who was the owner of that said skin were doing a wondrous thing to his neck. _

_Dean was just one tiny little step from heaven. _

_There was something picking off the teenager girls in the small town one over from Bobby's and John had let Dean go do the research and report back and Dean, well for once, Dean was just loving the research. He had spent the first week with a least half a dozen different girls and then he had met this one. _

_He pulled the girl to him and enjoyed a long, sensuously slow kiss, letting his hands stray under her top. _

_"Dean!" She pulled the little top back down and smiled at him. "My parents are working late; do you want to come home with me?" _

_Dean knew he shouldn't…_**_he groaned as she slipped her hand under his t-shirt_**_…he was supposed to be watching the people coming and going at the lake…_**_her lips skimmed the skin on his neck_**_…he was supposed to be reporting back to his father…_**_her hands sought their way down into his jeans…_**_he was supposed to be on a hunt. _

_He stopped her…went to say no and then she did that thing with her tongue in his ear and he was lost, hell she could be the one killing the girls and he wouldn't have cared, he still would have went with her. _

_Angela Smith drove him crazy, he had been in the town every day for the past four weeks, and she was the only thing that he thought about since he'd met her. He had spent the last hours of every night this week with her in the back of the Impala, once or twice at her house, and what had started out as pure lust was now teetering on something decidedly more dangerous…Dean was falling for her…big time…and he knew she felt the same. He slid off the hood and pulled her down to him, her legs either side of his…his hands slid up her back and he drew her into his embrace…the kisses this time full and passionate…all his restraint nearly gone. _

_She gently pulled him off her… "Not here. Take me home Dean." _

_And so he did. _

_---- _

_He woke to the sound of a knock on Angela's bedroom door. _

_"Angela? You home?" He felt Angela stir beside him, panic seizing him for a moment. He rolled quietly out of the bed and then under it as far as he could get, pulling his clothes from the floor under too. _

_He watched as the light in the room changed as the door was opened. "Angela? You ok?" _

_He breathed a sigh of relief and rolled back out, sitting up and leaning on the side of the bed. "Hey Audrey." It was Angela's older sister and she had already caught them before. _

_"Dean Winchester! Naked and on my sister's floor again, getting to be quite a habit. You know my parents are at the shops at the corner, I drove past them on the way in so I think you'd better get that pretty little ass of yours dressed before they catch you and roast it for you." _

_"I would but I kinda need you to turn around." _

_Audrey smiled. "Didn't I see enough the last time I caught you two, you really should lock the door you know, if that had been dad….I don't think he's have thought you're ass was pretty." _

_"Turn. Round. Please." _

_She laughed and did as he asked. Dean broke the record for speed dressing. Angela pulled her top and shorts on and sorted the bed just as the front door opened again. _

_Audrey lent down to them. "You both owe me, big time!" _

_"Angela! Audrey!" Their mother called from the hall and Dean thought that her voice sounded panicked. _

_The face that popped round the door however changed from worried to something far from pleased to see Dean sitting on her daughter's bed, she wasn't sure but she thought that something was going on. Audrey didn't help. _

_"Hi mom." She kissed her mother on the cheek. "Dean was just helping Angie with some biology homework, but he's going now." _

_"Homework, really? With no books?" _

_Angela stood and hugged her mother and stepped on her sister's toes. "I just put all my books away mom, 'cos I knew you'd be home soon." _

_"Well it's late and I think Mr Winchester should be leaving." Dean knew an order when he heard it. _

_"Yeah, my dad'll be looking for me." Dean grabbed his coat but Mrs Smith's next words froze him. _

_"I was worried, they say that another girl has gone missing from the lake, she was taken from the car park." _

_Dean swallowed hard. _**_Oh yeah, my dad really is gonna be looking for me._**

----

_John was at the lakeside when Dean pulled back into the parking lot in the Impala. _

_Dean cursed Bobby for giving him the damn police radio, without it Dean might just have wriggled out of this one but then again, a girl was missing and he might have been able to stop it. He'd screwed up and looking at his dad's face, he was about to be reminded of that fact. _

_"Where the fuck have you been, you were supposed to be here, watching for this thing. I trusted you Dean, so where were you?" John's wrath made Dean take a small step back. John reached for Dean's shirt and pulled him all the way into his face. "Where the hell were you?" _

_For one minute, Dean was tempted to lie but he decided that he was in enough trouble for this evening. "I'm sorry…I….there was this girl…" _

_"You were with a girl…Dean this was a hunt…you were supposed to be here Dean…not off with some little whore. Do that on your own time!" _

_The word slapped into Dean and he reacted without thinking. "She not a whore…don't call her that!" He wanted to add when did he ever get any 'own' time but the hole he was in was deep enough already. _

_Dean saw the shift in his dad's eyes. "How long has this been going on? How long have you been seeing this girl?" Dean looked down and John lifted his chin back up, saw the little look in his son's eyes. "How long have you been sleeping with this girl? A girl is missing Dean, this is a hunt…one hundred percent concentration on the job, or someone gets hurt…or someone dies Dean…it's not some damned game." "_

_I know that." Dean voice was low and there was a little break in it as he spoke, he tried again to step away, but John held him firm. _

_"Well then, act like you know that Dean." Dean could hear the disappointment in his father's voice. John dropped his grip and headed for Bobby's truck. "Get in the car and follow me, we're gonna go hunt the woods, see if we can pick up a trail, that's if you don't have anything better to do with your time?" _

_John sighed and rested his head on the wheel for a moment, wondering just what the hell had gotten into Dean these last few months. _**_He's eighteen John, do you remember being eighteen…meeting Mary? I had fought in a fuckin' war by that time…Dean's been fighting in one a lot longer. _**_John pushed away the voices arguing in his head, the soldier beating the father, _**_still doesn't excuse him for screwing around on a job, eighteen or not._**

_Dean climbed into the Impala and dutifully followed his father out. _

_Neither one of them noticed the shadow that crossed the car park as they left, each man too wrapped in his own thoughts. _

_**So the boy is the son of a hunter, and he has such a pretty girlfriend. I wonder how sweet she'll taste? **_

_--- _

Present

Dean woke, his heart thumping in his chest as someone touched his arm. He relaxed as the cap was thrust into his hand.

_Way to solve all my problems Bobby…give me a friggin' heart attack! _

_Please can you stop patting me like a dog? _

_What are you doing with my hand? _

_Oh! I get it. _

_Bobby have I told you I love you? No? Then thank god I can't talk or this moment would be really embarrassing for us both. _

_Dude let go of my friggin' hand. I'm up, I'm up…stop pulling me! _

Bobby dragged Dean over to the bathroom, pushed him inside, and handed him the two bottles. He touched Dean's hand again and Dean nodded.

_Ok right is hair and left is body. You better not be screwing with me Singer! If either of these is nair, there will be hell to pay ok? _Dean felt giddy._ Bobby you are a genius. Now get out 'cos I draw the line at showering with someone else, especially you, in the room, blind or not. If I fall, I fall. _

Bobby put Dean's clothes in his arms and closed the door over.

_Wait…how the heck do I know if he's gone?_

Dean stood there for a minute.

_He's gone right?_ _What if I do fall? Then you bang the floor idiot and either your brother or worse, Bobby has to rescue your naked ass from it. _

_Ok, so not falling then…not an option._

He threw his clothes on top of the basket in the corner, briefly hoping that it was still there and that it was shut, then he fumbled into the shower, placed the bottles in the bottom and turned it on.

He turned a circle with his arms out.

_Yep he's gone_, _but now I'm dizzy, nice one Dean. _

He turned towards the shower, able to feel a little light spray of water on his face from it. Stripping he stepped in and groaned at how good the water felt on his skin, it hurt like a bitch when it hit his front but that was ok 'cos he had managed this all by himself.

_Almost. _

_--- _

Sam woke and panic filled him instantly when he saw Dean wasn't still lying in the next bed.

He jumped up, checked the bathroom, and then almost ran out into Bobby's living room.

Dean was sitting at the table, obviously having had a shower, got dressed and was drinking coffee. Bobby was busy in the kitchen but he turned as Sam halted in the room door. Everything looked so normal, except that no one was talking.

"What's keeping you this morning, Dean and I have been up for ages. Did you smell breakfast? Better go get cleaned up and I'll put some on for you too."

Bobby walked over and grabbed Dean's hand making him jump, he squeezed it gently as an apology and turned it palm up. Sam watched as Bobby tapped on Dean's hand and stared intently at his face. When he didn't get the reaction he was hoping for Bobby tried again, tapping slower this time, his movements more deliberate. Both Sam and he watched as the smile spread slowly across Dean's face and then he nodded. Bobby patted his shoulder and fetched him a plate of bacon.

"What did you just do?" Sam had a confused look on his face that made Bobby want to laugh. They both watched as Dean grinned when Bobby placed the plate against his hand, then ate some of the bacon.

"I asked your brother if he would like some bacon and he nodded, so I got him some. Why?"

Sam's grin was wider than Dean's had been as the light dawned on him. "Morse code?"

"Yep. There is a language deaf/blind people use to communicate but seeing as how your brother should already know Morse code I thought I'd try it, mostly worked like a charm too."

Bobby's smile was full of smugness.

Sam surprised Bobby by walking over and hugging him, then he pulled away, embarrassment on his face.

"I could kiss you." Bobby backed away and held up his hands. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"'Cos I am a certified genius, that's why. You try." Sam sat down beside Dean and took his hand. "Keep it simple mind, yes/no answers are best, easier for him."

"I don't know what to ask?" Sam looked at Dean's coffee mug that was almost empty. Slowly he took Dean's hand and tapped it. Dean nodded and fumbling for the cup on the table held it out for Sam to take.

Sam felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from him.

"Bobby you're right, you are a genius."

He went to fetch Dean's drink.


	6. Chapter 6

HI, Little more back story (in italics) and then a little moment with Bobby - possible hankie warning!

I'm updating quite quickly so I am struggling to reply to the reviews - but I will reply! Thank you though for all the support, I am glad that you are all enjoying this! Mary x

_Then_

_John had been worried, he had heard the report of the girl getting taken from the car park at the lake and had expected Dean to call him but there had been nothing, so he had gotten in Bobby's truck and headed out to find out were his son was and why he hadn't damned well called. _

_By the time he had reached the lake his worry was just this side of panic and then Dean had driven into the car park and he had known instantly from his son's demeanour that he had bunked off the hunt and the panic turned to barely controlled fury. _

_He had dragged Dean round the forest for nearly five hours, trying to cool himself down and punish his son at the same time, knowing long before he stopped that they weren't going to find any trace of what they were looking for but enjoying the fact that a decided chill had settled into the night air and Dean hadn't anything but his jeans and t-shirt; that and the fact that Dean hated hunting in the woods. John finally cooled off enough at three in the morning to let Dean drag his weary ass back to the car. _

_They hadn't spoken a single word the whole time. _

_--- _

_Dean was freezing, the temperature drop had now become sharp, and as he had no jacket, he had no protection against it. He didn't complain though, not once, 'cos he didn't want his father to remind him just how badly he had screwed this one up, one word and he knew he'd get the ass-chewing of the century so he stayed quiet and did as he'd been told. _

_Four weeks he had sat without so much as a sniff of anything out of the ordinary, and then, the one night that he leaves his post...bam...the bastard stuck. Dean didn't believe in coincidences, he believed it knew who he was, and it had been watching him. That thought had done nothing whatsoever to comfort him as he slid through the forest looking for tracks. _

_--- _

_Dean trudged wearily into Bobby's house behind his father. Sam had given up and gone to bed but Bobby was still sitting, waiting for the two Winchesters to return home. _

_Throwing the bag down on the table that Bobby was sitting at and acknowledging him with a quick nod Dean turned to head for the bedroom but his father's voice stopped him. _

_"Don't think the Impala's running right, sounds as if she's misfiring. You'd better check it...now." _

_Dean knew damned well that there was nothing whatever wrong with the car and went to say something but thought better of it, he turned and walked to the door and went to pick up his jacket. John walked over and took it from him. _

_"Work up a sweat fixing the car and you won't need this." _

_John thankfully missed the murderous look that his son threw him but Bobby didn't. He waited until Dean had gone outside, watching as Dean shut the door quietly despite his anger; Sam after all was sleeping. _

_"You're an ass John Winchester, do you know that?" Bobby stood and walked over to him. "And I hope I live long enough to see the day when one of your boys, hopefully that one, tells you were to go...'cos I'll be cheering him on." _

_With that, he went off to bed. _

_ John sat at the table looking out at his son working on the car, the glow from the arc light making Dean look like a ghost as the first tiny slivers of light started to break across the sky. _

_--- _

_Sam woke the next morning and looked at the made bed beside his, a brief flicker of fear running through him as he jumped up and went in search of his brother. Dean wasn't in the living room when Sam wandered in but his father was sitting unconcerned at the table so at least Sam knew Dean was safe. _

_He sensed the tension in the air between the two elder hunters. _

_"Morning." He walked over to his father and looked at the notes that he was making in the journal. "Where's Dean?" Sam realised that he'd found the source of the tension. His father looked up. _

_"Outside. Go get dressed. It's Saturday, you're gonna go keep a look out today. I've got other plans for your brother." Sam so didn't like the unspoken menace in those words. Dean obviously had done something to incur his father's wrath and his little brother decided that for once he wasn't going to add fuel to the flames. He turned and went to get dressed. _

_By the time he got back Bobby had made breakfast for him. He thanked him and sat down just as Dean walked in. His brother looked exhausted, frozen, and hungry. He watched as Dean hesitated and then as John waved him away. _

_"Get washed and get back out here, I need you to run Sam to the lake, he's gonna take point today. Out and back in an hour Dean. You can eat later." _

_"Yes. Sir." John raised an eyebrow at the tone but let it slide for now. He had a fully fun packed day lined up for Dean after which perhaps his son would think twice about stepping out of line again in a hurry. _

_Dean cast the bed a longful look as he past it on his way to the shower. _**_Hell sleeping was for the dead anyway._**

_--- _

_Sam watched as Bobby slipped two lots of tin foil wrapped packages into his hands and smiled knowing that one was his lunch and the other was for his brother. _

_"I'll wait in the car." With that, he bounced outside careful to hide his contraband from his father. _

_Dean threw himself in the driver's seat and rested his head back for just a brief moment. _

_"You ok?" Sam's voice dragged him back and he started the car and pulled out. _

_"Peachy, I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I just know that dad has a day of researching lined up for me while you get to sit in the sun watching all the lovely females walking by...speaking of lovely females I want you to find Angela and give her this." Dean pulled an envelope from his pocket. "DO NOT OPEN IT!" _

_Sam smiled a sly little smile. "Love letters big bro?" _

_"No." Dean blushed. Sam eased up on him and handed him the bacon sandwich that Bobby had given him. "Bobby?" Sam nodded. "Man is a friggin' saint." _

_"How will I know what 'Angela' looks like?" _

_"Blonde, 5'4", blue eyes, great body"....Dean's mind drifted for a moment..."and she has mole on her cheek." _

_"Why don't you just give this to her yourself." _

_" 'Cos dad gave me 15 minutes less time than I actually need to drive you here and back...and I'm already 5 minutes down trying to drive and eat!" _

---

_Angela watched as the Impala pulled into the parking lot but didn't stop in the place Dean usually pulled her into. She jumped down from her friend's car and slowly made her way over noticing that today Dean wasn't in the car alone. She stopped and chatted casually to a girl that she knew from school and watched as a young dark haired guy got out and waited as the car slowly pulled back out and onto the main road. She was surprised that Dean didn't even stop to acknowledge her. _

_She walked over to the boy that had gotten out of the car. He was tall and kind of skinny but there was something about his manner that reminded her of Dean. _

_"Hi." She sat down on the arm of the bench and put her feet on the seat._

_  
The voice made Sam look up. "Hi." The girl in front of him smiled and he smiled back. "Can I help you with something?"_

_She looked around as if expecting someone to appear at any moment. "Are you Sam?" _

_"Why? What if I am?" _

_"I'm Angela. I know Dean." _

_"Oh, yeah you would be Angela." Sam smiled at her. _

_"What do you mean by that?" _

_"Let's just say my brother has a type and you...you are so it. I've a letter for you. Dean's not getting out to play today." He handed her the letter. _

_Angela smiled a wicked smile at him. "So I'm your brother's type am I?" She jumped off the arm and slid along the bench to him, taking his arm.. "So what say you and me have a little talk about your brother's likes and dislikes...?" _

_Sam groaned...this was gonna be a long day._

_Neither party was aware of the smiling figure watching them from across the lake._

* * *

_Now_

It had been five days and he was kind of settled into a routine...kind of coping...kind of just barely hanging on. He loved that he could do the little stuff on his own; it made him smile and terrified the crap out of him at the same time.

Bobby's latest winning idea was the chair he was sitting on...and it had been a good one. It always stayed in exactly the same place, facing the same way, which meant that from it Dean could find the important things in the house. He knew what direction the bathroom was, the bedroom, the sink in the kitchen; he'deven managed to raid the beer from the fridge! Who knew that John trailing him and Sam into the pitch black woods and leaving them there to make their own way out would pay dividends now that Dean actually couldn't see and was relying on that instilled sense of direction to get by.

Bobby and Sam had made sure that his routes to and from these areas were always clear and after a few false starts and bruised knees, he'd managed it. And it had felt good. A little light in his long dark tunnel.

Dean was sitting with Bobby's newest task for him on the table in front of him; an assortment of guns and some cleaning materials. He was making a half-hearted effort to concentrate on what the hell he was doing but his hands and his mind weren't connected at the moment. His hands where on auto, working the guns in front of him apart without any conscious thought required on his part, unfortunately that meant that his mind had time to wander and to worry.

He was coping with the simple things; now all he had to do was calm the panic attacks that gripped him anytime he was left alone for more than ten minutes and he'd be fine; he'd feel more like he was _actually _coping.

_I don't want to get good at this...don't want to accept that this could be me...forever._ The little thought made him wobble. _Yeah Dean, you're coping, that's why you can hardly hold the gun in your hands 'cos they're shaking so badly. _

Sam hadn't actually said where he was going to Dean.

_There's a limit to how many taps on your hand you can take without your first coffee of the morning in you. _

Dean had a pretty good idea though.

_He's gone back to check out the house._

That's what had triggered it; the panic. The fear. Fear for his brother, fear for himself. _He's alone, in that house and I can't help him, can't protect him._

Dean knew that Sam had wanted to go back sooner but he was worried about Dean coping without him and truth be told he was right to be worried 'cos at the moment he was one step away from a full meltdown and trying his damnedest not to show it.

He had been fine until Sam had 'told' him that he was going out and then...well then he had started to freak, quietly. He could feel it building and had been trying to blot it out by concentrating on the task in hand, but he was slipping and he knew it.

He needed Sam to go, needed him to try and fix this, but a little bit of him was absolutely terrified that his brother would go and not come back; that she would do something to him too.

That he'd be left alone. Like this. _Stop that...stop that right now. Told you before...we are not going there Dean...besides Bobby's here. _

_Yeah..._his little voice insisted..._but he's not Sam._

Dean stood.

Bobby watched as Dean stood and walked up beside him, touching him gently on his arm. He spoke the words even as he touched Dean's hand to ask. "Everything ok?"

The nod said yes but the look on the face told Bobby that it wasn't. He resisted the urge to pull Dean close to him and just stepped back to arms length before letting his hand drop. The boy just looked so lost, so unlike Dean that it scared Bobby.

He watched as Dean slowly headed in the direction of the bathroom. He checked his watch. "Ok I'll give you ten minutes of down time and then I'm coming in to get you, d'you hear me?" He almost hoped that Dean would turn round and scowl at him.

Dean tried to make sure that he had most of his little 'moments' where no one could see just how bad they were, which usually meant him sitting on the bathroom floor, like he was now.

He felt the tears start and just let them roll, needing the release. He could see the irony in his situation and it made him want to laugh and not in a good way. _Years, I've spent years trying to hide my feelings, keep them in...not let my brother know just how bad it is; just how badly screwed in the head his big brother really is and now? Well now I can't tell him and just 'cos I'm me...now I want to. I want to tell him how I feel, how utterly scared and terrified I am. Funny how having the ability to do something that you never, ever wanted to do in the first place removed, makes you long to do it. I want my brother to hold me, comfort me; I want to hear him tell me that is gonna be alright...we can fix this...we can fix me. _

Bobby had gone in with the intention of dragging Dean's ass back out and get him to finish the task of cleaning the guns that he had given him but the sight of the elder Winchester curled into the corner between the bath and the sink broke his resolve and if truth be told, broke his damned heart too. Dean was a lot of things but fragile wasn't one of the words Bobby would have used; not until now. Dean was sitting tight in the corner, his knees wrapped tightly in his arms, his head back leaning against the edge of the bath.

"This is gonna play hell on my old knees boy, I hope you appreciate it." Bobby knelt down beside his friend and then turned so that he was leaning on the bath. "Ok let's get this over with. You only get me to do this once mind, next time I find you on the floor like this in here I'm so gonna kick your ass." He watched as Dean froze, registering the movement of the bath with Bobby's weight against it. The gruff old hunter lent over and pulled Dean's head against his chest. Dean fought him slightly and then the sobs came; long freakily silent sobs, which it felt that Dean was pulling from his very core.

"Damn it to hell boy." Bobby wiped the tears from his own eyes.

---

Dean felt Bobby leaning back beside him and his arm going round his shoulders. _Ah, come on Bobby, we've talk about this...personal space issues here dude...please don't make me do this in front of you...please don't make me show you just what a friggin' cry-baby I've become._

_You're not leaving are you...you're gonna make me do this?_ Dean couldn't fight the tears any longer and he crumbled as Bobby held him tight. He relaxed next to Bobby and just let it all out, every single last drop of the pain and the panic that he was feeling.

He felt Bobby's own tears hitching through him.


	7. Chapter 7

Tasra is completely fictional!

This is all back story, I will explain all in the next few chapters.

_Then_

_Afternoon _

_John had headed for the newspaper archives again in the main town leaving Dean a stack of books that was taller than he was to plough through. _

_It took the time it took John to go out and leave in the truck for Dean's eyes to close and him to drop into a dead sleep. Bobby smiled as he walked back inside to find the middle Winchester out of it in a position that was more like the one you would usually find his younger brother in, head lying in the open book, a soft snore drifting through the room. _

_"Yeah John, I'll make sure he keeps at the research…after the boy gets some damned sleep." He grabbed one of the other books and sat down to find the stuff that Dean would need to know for the pop quiz that Bobby knew would follow his father's arrival back. _

_---- _

_Late Evening _

_Bobby and Dean were going through the last of the books, still at a loss to what this thing actually was. _

_Due to the fact that this was a big tourist reliant town the press and the police had played down the fact that six girls had gone missing so far over the space of three months. Only two bodies had been found; both with their hearts missing. Instinct had screamed werewolf but John had discovered that the hearts were cut out so unless it was a werewolf with surgical skills they were at a dead end. _

_Dean had noted down a few things that collected hearts or ate them but they couldn't find one that was as fussy in its choice of victims as this one or as neat at removing them. _

_"Ok." Bobby stood and stretched the kinks out of his back. "So we have two obvious suspects and one really gross thought." _

_Dean nodded. "I could be a Tasra, a shifter that needs to eat body parts…hearts in this case…to change into human form from it's usual animal shape…but how does it cut out the hearts like that as an animal?" _

_Bobby threw a book with a picture in it in front of Dean. "Have you seen the claws on this thing? Easily be mistaken for a surgical removal if it thinks like a human when it does that; your daddy couldn't get that close a look at the bodies to check properly so…I'd make that number one on the list at the moment." _

_Dean looked at the picture. "Ouch. Wouldn't want to run into that on a dark night although if anyone is you just know it's gonna be me!." _

_Bobby laughed and continued. "Next we have an actual werewolf, don't know how the heck it managed the neatness factor but it'd be silly to rule it out just yet." _

_"Ok…and the gross thought?" Dean looked at Bobby. "_

_It ain't the sort of thing we hunt at all." _

_Dean hesitated. "Trophy collector?" _

_"Yep, a plum crazy, sick human with a thing for girl's hearts." _

_"That is gross…hope to god its the Tasra." Bobby looked at him. _

_"Why?" _

_"Cause then, we can put it down…we can stop it." _

_"I'm with you there." Bobby looked back at the book. "It's a strange one if it is though. Never seen one limit it's choices that way before." _

_Dean looked at his watch. "I'd better go get Sam." He stood up and headed for the door. "When you'd think dad'll be back?" _

_"An hour or so, archives shut at six, it's a four hour drive and it's gone eight-thirty now…." _

_"Ok, I shouldn't be long." _

_"Be careful. It may not want to eat you but if you get in its way…" _

_"I hear you." _

_With that he was gone. _

_---- _

_Dean knew that his dad would be at the silent stage of ways to punish your son when he got home. The rage phase always shifted to the silent phase then into the 'can't stand the sight of you' phase and then would come the silent phase again during which anything you said or did could start the cycle back to the beginning. Dean hated the avoiding and silent phases, his father screaming at him he could handle, it was the shutting him out that cut Dean to the core. _

_He was torn from his thoughts by the lurch of the car. He wrestled it to a stop instantly knowing that the tyre was flat . He got out and walked to the back of the car, stopped, looked forward again and then swore quietly "Sonuvabitch!" _

_Both tyres on the driver's side were flat. _

_He thought about phoning Bobby but he didn't know if his dad would be back yet and he really didn't want him to be the one to pick up, besides dad had Bobby's truck so unless Bobby had a spare tyre at the yard the Impala was stuck anyway. He gathered his stuff from the back seat, threw his jacket on and was about to start walking when it hit him. _

_Dean bent down to examine the back tyre. There was two little bits of red metal stuck in the treads which was obviously the things that had burst it. He walked to the front of the car and knelt. His eye caught the little bits of red metal in it too. _

_Dean turned and walked back along the road pulling out his flashlight despite the fact that it wasn't yet dark. He shone it on the road and was rewarded as the light caught on more of the red things. Dean went to pick one up and hissed as it sliced into his fingers. He pulled out the little canvas bag that he had in his pack and more carefully this time picked up a few of them. Maybe Bobby or his dad would know what they were. _

_Dean stood and then froze, his hunter instinct kicking in, the hackles rising on the back of his neck. The brief feeling that something or someone had been watching him. _

_That got him moving. _

_He started towards the lake hoping that Sam would have the sense to stay were there were other people…even just with Angela. Dean had asked her in the letter to meet him tonight when he went to pick up Sam…and that was when the thought hit him. _

_What if it had known that Dean had dropped Sam off earlier? _

_What if the thing they were hunting had caused this? What if tonight's mishap was to delay him reaching the lake? _

_It was already late and Sam and Angela were both waiting at the lake thanks to him…if it knew who or what Dean was what was to stop it getting to them first? _

_That though got Dean running, pulling his phone from his pocket as he did. _

_--- _

_Bobby had just finished speaking to John and had grabbed his coat when his phone rang again. _

_John was on his way to the lake. _

_He had finally made an unwelcome discovery in the old newspaper section of the main town in the area's library. The thing they were hunting had been in the lake side town ten years before and the last time… it wasn't just taking girls. _

_Bobby looked at the number and realised that it was Dean that was calling him. He could hear the panic in Dean's voice as he explained what had happened and were he was. Bobby tried to calm him. "I'll come get you in the car Dean, go back and wait in the Impala." _

_"Isn't time Bobby, I'm only twenty or so minutes away from the lake anyhow, I can get to it faster than you can get to me." _

_Dean sounded breathless. _

_"Take it easy kid, it'll be ok. I'm on my way." Bobby went to hang up and stopped. He hesitated to give Dean the next piece of information knowing that it would change his panic to something more akin to terror but he had to warn him that he could be in danger too. "Dean? Be careful, your dad came up with something in the research…this thing… it isn't always just female teenagers it chows on…it just prefers them…watch your back boy. Since we're pretty sure that it's either the shifter or the werewolf Dean, remember you need to use the silver knife, shooting it will only slow it down, ok?" _

_"Yeah Bobby, ok." _

_Bobby was right, Dean's panic had escalated, but his fear wasn't for himself…it was his fault that his brother was at the lake on his own. Dean snapped the phone shut and picked up his already torturous pace. _

_--- _

_The lake car park was almost empty when he got there, he could just make out the shape of the cars parked up at the 'lover's' end of it, the furthest from the road and the bit where he now stood in. _

_There was no Sam and no Angela. _

_He cursed and took the knife out of his bag, throwing the latter on one of the benches. He unconsciously checked for the .45 in his waistband. _

_Stepping out into the middle of the car park he screamed his brother's name. _

_The silence was broken by a rustling noise in the trees that skirted the car park off to his left. He pocketed the knife and drew the gun. _

_"Sam!" _

_He didn't care if the thing knew that he was there, bring it on…just bring his damn brother too. There was a scream off to his right and then a rustle in the trees on the left again. The scream was female. _

_Was it Angela? _

_Dean's mind was racing. _

_He went to set off in the general direction of the scream when a car pulled off the road in front of him into the car park. He hid the gun and then realised he recognised the car…it's was Audrey's. She got out and walked towards him smiling but froze as she saw the look on his face. _

_"Where's Angela? My mom came home and wigged, she sent me to come get her 'cos its getting late and she isn't happy about her being here. Weren't you with her?" _

_"No I got grounded. I was to meet her and my brother here but I got a flat and now…now I don't know where they are." _

_"What? Do you mean my sister's missing? The only reason I let her stay this late was I thought she was with you." _

_"Well she wasn't and my brother missing too alright." _

_Dean froze as the scream rang through the night again. "Damn it." He pulled his gun back out from his jacket. Audrey looked at him in horror. _

_"Whose gun is that? And who the hell is that screaming?" _

_"Gun's mine, the scream…the scream I was on my way to find out. Get in your car and wait for me."___

_He started towards the far side of the car park where the scream seemed to come from. Audrey grabbed his arm. "If that's my sister I'm coming too." _

_Dean sighed and pulled out the knife. "Here...don't drop it and stay behind me." _


	8. Chapter 8

Update on Sam and then the back story will update in the next chapter

Thanks for all the reviews, they are great and I love them!!

Friends, Family, Finds and Feelings

Dean got up off the floor and held out his hand to help Bobby up too. Bobby got to his feet and watched as Dean felt his way out of the door and into the bedroom. He got over to the bed and dropped on it, curling up on his side.

Bobby walked over and touched Dean's hand. "You ok?"

Dean nodded and tapped out the word 'tired'.

"Ok son, I hear you." Bobby pulled the cover from the other bed and placed it over Dean ruffling his hair in a fatherly gesture. Dean smiled and then pulled the pillow round his head and slid his hands under it, fingers curling round the hilt of the knife that lived there.

He closed his eyes.

Bobby let him be for now, he knew that Dean was completely spent.

He walked back out to the living room and poured himself a large whisky and settled in the chair, feeling slightly spent himself.

---

Sam approached the house with caution.

It sat at the head of a cul-de-sac and as he studied the houses at the end he thought that they looked newer than the others, albeit the one he was interested in was now derelict from years of neglect. It and its neighbours were kinda out of keeping with the style. He pulled the Impala over and got. He turned and surveyed the street thinking it was unusual for this type of street to be so wide, easily wide enough for him to have u-turned the Impala in it without a problem the first time he'd been here. Someone had obliviously at some point blocked up a through road and built the extra homes across the street.

He walked up to what would once have been the front path but was now just an overgrown collection of weeds. He knew from his previous visit that the front door was unlocked and he wonder why the neighbour kids hadn't vandalised the place because although it was neglected and run down the house hadn't been taken apart. The lead, although shot was still on the roof and the down pipes for the rainwater looked like copper but they too hadn't been stripped. _Mustn't be that kinda area. _

He stepped onto the porch and stepped inside raised the flashlight and his gun. He had one major concern about his brother ending up in this house, Sam would have had trouble carrying Dean _down_ the stairs from the attic on his own yet the woman from the bar managed to get Dean upstairs on her own. One look at this house and even his brother would have thought twice about entering it, so was he drugged and still able to walk or had she had help. Sam really hoped it was the former.

He flicked the switch on the wall out of habit and was surprised when the lights in the house burst into life. _Ok so not as abandoned as it looks then._ He turned off the flashlight and took in his surroundings.

---

Bobby opened the door and smiled at Mags. "Well this is a surprise."

"Only if you don't know it's Friday and your memory is failing." She didn't wait for an invite just pushed past him. "So what have you done with my patient?"

"He's lying down."

"At two in the afternoon? Great routine you've got there Bobby."

"He had a bit of a wobble, needed the down time."

Mags looked closely at Bobby for the first time and realised that perhaps it wasn't just Dean that had had a wobble.

She walked over to the table. "Drinking in the afternoon'll kill you, you know."

He smiled at her and removed the bottle from her grasp taking it into the kitchen and placing back in the cupboard. "Nah, being friends with the Winchester boys'll do me in first. Dean's through here."

He led her into the room and stopped.

Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to them, the sunlight coming through the window lighting up his face. The glint from the knife in his hands caught Bobby's eye and he looked to Mags. Her eyes had the same concerned look that Bobby knew was in his own.

They watched as Dean ran the flat of the blade up and down his arm.

Bobby walked forward and sat slowly down on the bed behind him. The movement of the knife stopped and Dean turned to look at him, staring at him with those unseeing eyes, the pain in them still registering even through the horrid opaqueness.

Bobby reached over and gently removed the knife from Dean's grip.

---

Sam shivered as he thought of what had been done to his brother here. He knew that he had to be cautious, if something happened to him here then his brother would be lost too, dead without him.

He quickly but carefully checked the entire house except the basement that was locked from the outside. He lingered in the attic, taking the boards off the windows up there. He looked out; the window faced the back of the property and Sam noted that the street behind the house's garden was a dead end too, stopping just at the back of the property. He tried the window and to his surprise it slid open easily. He took one last look behind him and stuck his head out taking in the usual layout of the houses around and then the small patch of garden caught his eye. He knew what the flowers down in the only tended patch of the garden were.

He'd seen them before.

----

Bobby slipped the knife back into the sheath that was lying on the bed and took Dean's hand.

"Doc's here." He spoke out of habit as he let Dean know that they weren't alone.

Dean wiped his hand across his face in that so familiar gesture that usually meant that he was stressed in some way and then wiped his hand down the leg of his jeans, concentrating on letting all the tension in him drain. He turned his head towards Bobby.

_It wasn't what you thought old man…I think. _

He shook his thoughts away._ So doc's here, suppose that means that I'm taking off my shirt for a strange lady again. _He sat back and pulled the t-shirt over his head as he felt her sit down beside him.

She gently pushed him into a lying position and started her exam. Bobby stood and put the knife in Sam's duffle then sat down beside Dean, taking his hand so that he could ask him anything the doc needed to know.

"Any pain?" She watched as Bobby let Dean know what she was asking.

_Define pain?_ Dean shook his head and gently touched Bobby's hand.

"He's only feeling tinges"

"Good, that's good. These are healing nicely in fact…that's strange…I'd swear that some of them are missing completely."

Bobby looked over. He hadn't looked at Dean's wounds long so he couldn't tell. Then he remembered.

"Sam took pictures." Mags shot him a horrified look.

"These marks are a ritual of some kind, he needed to have a note of them so that he can work on fixing this." He opened the drawer behind him and pulled out John's journal. "Sure he put them in here." The pictures fell out onto the bed and Mags picked them up.

"Yep, see here." She touched Dean's chest and made him jump. "Sorry." She patted his hand. "These marks are almost faded completely but they were as deep and as bad as the ones here"…she pointed at another area of Dean's chest careful this time not to make contact… "but these haven't."

Dean squeezed Bobby's hand. _What is it? _

"Nothing. Some healed, some not." He tried to make the sentence simple but still actually make sense.

_And?_ Dean wasn't stupid, he could sense the little jump in tension. There was something that Bobby wasn't telling him.

"Don't know why some not others." Bobby waited until Dean's brain caught up with his hands.

_So? _

Dean's brain jumped into over drive. _Come on Bobby out with it. If I'm healing faster than I should be and this is a hex then that can't be good. _

"Probably nothing. Relax." Bobby dropped his hand signalling an end to Dean's part of the conversation.

_Yeah, easy for you to say you're not the one someone tried to carve up like a friggin' turkey. _His thoughts jumped again. _Wonder how Sam's doing? _Panic again filled him. _Damn it Dean stop that ok? _

He grabbed Bobby's hand again._ Sam call? _

Bobby tapped 'No' and then added 'not yet'.

_Call him? _

Bobby tapped 'ok' and picked up his phone.

---

"Is Dean alright?" Sam had almost dropped the phone when he saw Bobby's name on the caller ID. Instant panic that something had happened to Dean flooded him.

"God you Winchesters really need to work on your panic levels. Boy's fine, I'm calling 'cos he's worried about you."

"Sorry Bobby. I'm good. Given the house a once over. I'm gonna take some pictures of the attic and there's a room downstairs that looks as if someone has been sleeping there, there's books and stuff in it. I'll have a once through of that and then I'm heading back."

"Ok, you be careful."

"I will Bobby, I'll call when I'm leaving." Sam snapped the phone shut and pulled out his camera.

He lent out the window again firstly and photographed the street and the garden, something about it nagging at him. Next he photographed the circle and then knelt to take a closer look trying to ignore the little patch of blood that had been spilled on it…Dean's blood. Sam shivered and then noticed that some of the symbols were summoning ones. He grabbed his little notebook and pencil and noted these ones more closely, he look them up back at Bobby's. With one final check of the attic he went downstairs.

---

"Sam's fine. Back soon." Bobby felt Dean relax as he let him know.

Dean lay there quietly as the doc finished up her exam and handed him back his t-shirt. He nodded his thanks and was pulling it on as she stopped him. She turned it out the right way by pulling it back down his arms. Switching it round he smiled at her and then finished the job.

_Thanks. Bobby would probably have just left me to wear it wrong side out. _

He couldn't stop himself he put his hand out and felt her take it. He gripped her hand and tapped 'thanks' on it then realised that she probably wouldn't know what that was. He was surprised when she tapped back 'welcome'. His smile lit up his whole face.

Bobby had watched Dean tap her hand and showed her how to reply on his own hand, but Dean didn't need to know that, all he needed to know was here was someone that he could trust and someone else that was there for me.

_Nice touch doc but I think Mr Singer may have had a hand in that…you were a bit hesitant. I appreciate the effort though guys…I really do._

Suddenly he felt the tears push at his eyes again but he pushed them back…he'd done enough crying for one day.

He stood and went to walk out the door but Bobby stopped him. Dean took his hand and tapped 'guns'. Bobby smiled and let him past. Mags followed them out into the room.

"He 's really got the hang of moving about in here. He's doing well." She watched as he sat in the chair and picked up one of the guns. He started on the right hand side of the cloth on the table and worked the gun apart moving towards the left as he put each part down, so that he would know exactly were each part was to re-assemble it when he was done.

"He really thinks about what he's going to do before he does it, doesn't he?" She smiled.

"On a task like this yeah…but you should see him on a hunt…it's all instinct." Bobby added the after thought. "Unless of course his brother is in bother cause then I don't think he thinks at all, only thought is keeping Sam safe then."

"He strikes me as really intelligent, clever and resourceful. This must be torture for him." Mags voice had a strange tone to it that Bobby had never heard before.

"Yeah, but I kinda think that that was the whole idea."

She took one last look at Dean and then grabbed her bag. "I'd better go, places to be and all that….I'll call back next week sometime, just to check."

"Thanks Mags." Bobby surprised himself by placing a little kiss on her cheek.

She blushed and side stepped the little awkward moment. "He means a lot to you doesn't he?" She watched again, slightly in awe, the younger man now skilfully locking the pieces of the gun back in place. You almost wouldn't know he was blind except that he never looked at his hands once. She realised that Bobby was staring at him too.

"Him and his brother are the closest thing I got to family."

"Well I don't think they could have chosen better…or you for that matter…I need to go. Take care."

"You too." Bobby walked back in and shut the door.

He walked over, opened the fridge and then went to Dean, deliberately making him jump by touching his face with the beer bottle. Dean took if from him and scowled making Bobby laugh.

He settled down to watch Dean work.

---

Sam walked slowly into the room and looked around.

There was an old couch in the corner with some blankets and pillows on it and a table in the centre of the room that was covered in books. He walked over and rifled through some of the books, flicking a few open before he saw two that caught his interest. One he recognised because Bobby had a copy – it was the story of Faust and his deal with the Devil. The other was a travel guide and there was a photo sticking out of it. Sam pick the book up and opened it at the page recognising the town instantly. The picture was of Dean and a girl whose name Sam knew but at that moment he couldn't retrieve. He turned the picture over, the back read – _down at the lake, July '97. - _ 1997. Sam remembered, a little bit of knowledge flooded him. The hunt…being hurt…Dean crying. He picked up the books and the picture and with one final look around he headed out home…back to Bobby's.

He needed to talk to Dean, he would remember more than Sam did. It was going to be hard but without Dean's memory of the events Sam was never going to solve this…and he had to…he had to get his brother back. He stopped and turned, took a photo of the house on impulse and then drove away in the car something niggling him as he did.

He never saw the face at the window he unboarded and never realised that he hadn't checked the basement.


	9. Chapter 9

HI!!

Update on the back story - I promise this is going somewhere!!

Next chappie should be Sam and Dean and then I'll update the most if not all of the back story. Little bits will be in the next chapter to fill in the gaps.

Thanks again for all the reviews I will update my replies asap. I love the love folks!!

Mary x

_Then_

_Dean walked forward as quietly as he could checking to ensure that Audrey kept close behind him. _

_He raised his gun fully and slowly stepped forward into the darkness. _

_He heard the noise behind them just a little too late and as he turned towards it Audrey screamed and fell forward, hitting him dead on and knocking him down, the gun skittering away from his hand as he went down. He rolled, pushed Audrey's dead weight off him and groped wildly for the gun but he was brought up short by someone or something's foot crushing down on his wrist. He was pushed onto his front as their full weight bore down on his back, pushing his face into the muck making it difficult to breathe. He tried to buck the weight off of him but the person or the thing was heavier and stronger than he was and he found himself sinking further into the ground. Dean felt his left arm being pulled back cruelly and cried out as something wet and warm was deposited into his palm. Dean felt his assailant lean down into him. _

_"You're little brother is quite the screamer Dean, called you name the whole time I was cutting his heart out of his chest. Thought you might like to keep it." _

_A short, sharp pain registered through his back and then he felt the pressure lift. _

_His assailant was gone. _

_Slowly he rolled round bringing his hand to the front as he did. He stared at his hand before dropping the contents to the ground and then turning he began to throw up. He continued long after there was nothing left in his insides and then he collapsed, just lying there for a moment looking at the heart lying on the ground. _

_His head told him that this wasn't Sam's, it couldn't be, that it was a lie but his own heart wasn't listening, in fact for a moment, Dean was sure that it had actually stopped beating, stilled by the horror and dread that filled him. _

_"SAM!" His cry was long and one of despair. _

_His fight mechanism finally kicked in and he pushed himself off the ground, collected the gun and forced himself to check on Audrey. She was out cold, a gash on the back of her head, bleeding but not badly so. He scanned the area and found his knife not far from Audrey's outstretched hand. He went to move into the woods further when he was stopped by a shout from behind. _

_It was his father's voice. _

_Calling his name. _

_Calling Sam's. _

_Fear gripped Dean hard this time, if this was how it looked then it was all his fault. _

_Sam's dead and I killed him. Please god don't let it be true… thought slammed into him and brought him back down onto his knees as though it had robbed him of his strength to stand. _

_He fought the urge to retch again and managed a weak call which was rewarded with the sound of his father crashing towards him. He was on his knees in front of Dean in an instant. _

_"Dean. Are you ok?" He felt him grab his arms and then stand drawing Dean to his feet with him. Bobby had arrived too and had gone to check on Audrey. _

_"Where's Sam?" John watched as the simple question broke the last of Dean's control and the tears started to trail down his face and he threatened to crumple again in John's arms. _

_"Dean." John kept his voice level, fighting the panic in himself. "Where is your brother?" He looked down and for the first time saw the blood on Dean's hand. _

_Dean stumbled over his words. "He wasn't here, went to look. It was here...it said he was…that it had..." _

_He looked at his father and John felt his very soul chill at the crushing pain in his son's eyes. _

_"It put it in my hands…said it was Sam's…it can't be." _

_Sobs tore through Dean. _

_"It was lying…please let it have been lying." _

_Dean folded again at that, going down so fast he took John with him. _

_"He put what in you hands Dean?" John lifted Dean's head to look at him. Bobby turned at the icy tone in John's voice. "Dean! What?!" John shook his son hard by the shoulders. _

_All Dean could do was groan at the movement and point._

_John swung the flashlight round and froze as the light picked out the bloody mass lying on the ground. He swung the light back at Dean's pale sickly face and really felt the fear grip him. The fear that quickly morphed into anger, and that made him strike out at the only thing that was near enough for him to do so. _

_"This is your fault. If you'd had just done what I'd asked you to last night it would have been you here tonight instead of him." _

_He pulled Dean roughly to his feet again. _

_Bobby watched as the shock registered in the younger hunter eyes, John's words hit Dean like a slap and he rounded on him, his own rage evident in his eyes. _

_"Do you ever think before you open that huge hole in your face!" Bobby stepped in close. "You're just told your oldest son that you wish that it was him that this thing had cut up instead of his brother…if that's what it has done to Sam." _

_John looked at him, his anger evident. "I never said that." _

_"Not in as many words." Bobby turned towards Dean who was standing motionless, staring at his father with anguished eyes. "But that's what he HEARD!"_

_John looked from Bobby to Dean. "I didn't mean it like that…." "_

_Well that's how it sounded." _

_John's anger drained and he grabbed Dean again "I didn't mean that. I meant that if you'd have been here you would have fought it off Dean, I didn't mean that I wish that…" _

_He looked back at the heart on the ground and then turned back to Dean, noticing the change in Dean's eyes, the walls that he'd thrown up in a mere second. _

_"I know exact what you meant. It's my fault if my brother is dead." Dean pushed his father off staggering as he stepped back. "I wish it was me too." He turned to Bobby. "Will you watch her." He motioned to Audrey. "I'm going to look for Sam and Angela." _

_John caught him again. "I'll help." _

_Dean dropped his eyes to the hand on his arm and then slowly peeled the fingers off; when he looked up again John felt like he was staring into the eyes of a stranger. "I don't need you help. I don't need anyone's help." He turned and headed into the darkness. _

_"Well done there John…I think you just managed to make a better job of ripping your son's heart out than whatever the hell we're hunting could have…and you didn't even have to use anything sharper than you tongue. Sterling job." _

_John threw Bobby a look and started after Dean. _

_--- _

_Sam didn't know where he was only that he was cold and wet and his head hurt. He was lying face down in the muck and he could feel the water lapping up his legs. _

_He was still at the lake. _

_He tried to roll over but the pain in his head, and a new one that he had discovered in his arm, stopped him. _

_He tried to remember what the hell had happened. _

_**Dean had dad's cell phone…they went to find a phone to call him or Bobby and find out why they hadn't swung by yet to pick him up. He was worried, Dean was never late and Angela was waiting too so where the hell was he? They heard a noise from the boathouse, then a scream that was cut off midway. **_

_**Sam had a knife in his jacket, one of Dean's that he'd borrowed this morning…just in case. He drew it out, knowing that he should wait for his brother, knowing that he shouldn't do this alone. **_

_**He stepped in through the door and froze. **_

_**There was a girl lying on a bench in front of him and something or someone was standing over her, blood dripping from between their fingers. **_

_**"I knew you'd come in...brave little hunter boy. Catch!"**_

_**Sam was caught off guard as the figure turned towards him and threw the object in it's hand at him. Instinct made him reach out to catch it, dropping the knife as he did. He felt the object squash slightly as he gripped it and he looked down, his whole attention caught for the moment by what he was holding. **_

_**He looked up as the iron bar swung at his head, ducked back and then watched in horror as the hook on the side of it connected with Angela's instead and she fell to the ground. A hand gripped him and smashed his head off the post at his side and staggered back, he dropped the heart and then dropped himself. **_

_**S**__omeone had hit him, that explains the marching band in his head. _

_Angela? Shit he forced himself to roll slightly this time, away from the arm that was throbbing and tried to see if she was nearby. The pain rolled over him in a wave again. He lay back down and groaned. _

_--- _

_Dean was crashing through the trees oblivious to the noise he was making, calling his brother name over and over again. He stopped for a moment to get his bearings and was hit with a dizzy spell. His shoulder ached but he ignored it. He pushed on. He thought he'd heard his dad once or twice but he ignored him too. He pushed through the final part of the tree cover in front of him, rounded the boathouse, and stepped out at the edge of the lake. _

_The shape near the water caught his eye and he headed down towards it. He wiped the sweat from his head with back of his hand and tried to focus on who it was as he drew nearer. He reached it and dropped to his knees. _

_It was Angela. _

_Her blonde hair was matted with blood and she was lying on her side, facing away from him. He hesitated to reach out his hand and touch her. _

_The world was swimming now, little starbursts of light flashing through his brain. The ache in his back and shoulder was getting worse, increasing as he rolled her gently towards him. He took in the paleness of her skin and the blood that covered her front. Stealing himself he gently put his fingers to her neck and sobbed out loud as he found a pulse. He checked her over realising that at least the blood on her front wasn't hers, he didn't know how that made him feel; if it wasn't Angela's then that was good but then that meant it could be Sam's and that…that was not good…not good at all. _

_He shrugged his jacket off, biting down on his lip at the pain his action caused. He pulled his phone from his pocket and gently laid the jacket over Angela. There was a bloodstain on the fabric and Dean's eyes were drawn to the small puncture in the jacket. He reached his right arm behind him and felt down the left side of his back…the hand came away bloody. _

_He was about to call Bobby when he heard the small whimper. _

_It drew his eyes to the water's edge and he saw the shape that was lying half in, half out the water for the first time. Dragging himself to his feet he stumbled towards it, knowing who it was before he got half way there. _

_"Sam?" _

_He got back down on his knees and rolled his little brother into his arms. _

_"Sam!" _

_He felt the shakes run through him and it took a minute to register that it was Sam that was shaking not him…that Sam was alive. He felt his own shakes starting as relief flooded him. _

_"Sammy?" _

_--- _

_Sam slowly opened his eyes and looked up into his brother's face. He knew it must be bad because Dean was crying... a look on his face that Sam couldn't quite read…his tears splashing down on his own face as his brother hugged him to him fiercely. _

_Dean just kept say his name over and over again. _

_He felt Dean check him over, looking for injuries, his hand briefly pausing over his heart and then he heard him speak to someone, he was on the phone. _

_Bobby. _

_Bobby was here and Dean…he was safe…it was going to be alright. He took another look at Dean's troubled and tear stained face and drifted into blackness again. _


	10. Chapter 10

Little bit more back story and a bit at Bobby's.

Next chapter will (hopefully) finish all if not most of the back story and then the present will take a turn.

The underlined words at the end at the Morse code ones, just to try and make it easier to read in bits. Hope it works.

Cheers Mary xx

Remembrance

Sam remembered bits from that summer, but the main thing was his dad and brother for once being the ones trampling on each others nerves. Dean occasionally kicking back against dad's regime and causing trouble, staying out when he should have been home. He mostly remembered thought that it was always Dean that apologised later…worked harder later… always Dean that ended up feeling like he was in the wrong. _Somethings never change._

Then it came to him. Angela…that had been her name. With her name came the memory of a night that he'd tried hard to forget. It came to Sam as he drove home to Bobby's, the memory seeping back slowly.

Sam remembered waiting for his brother to come for him, remembered going to call Dean and then the short scream in the boathouse, going to see what it was. He mostly though recalled the time between entering the boathouse and Dean finding him, but then again a moment of cowardice is hard to forget, even if you were only fourteen at the time and the event was years before.

_How did I forget this?_

---

_Then_

_He woke to find Angela had been dragged over to replace the girl that had been lying on the bench, the girl whose heart he'd had briefly in his hands. He pulled himself up slowly and cringes as he made a noise, drawing attention to himself, causing the man before him to turn in his direction. _

_"Hunter's boy." The man tilted his head to the side. "I don't like hunters or their boys." The man turned to look at Angela. "Or their pretty girlfriends." He turned back to Sam. "She's no fun, won't wake up, won't scream." He stepped towards Sam. "I don't like it when they don't scream. I wonder…are you a screamer?" _

_Sam backed towards the door, dizzy and disorientated, a pain in his head and his arm from being slammed into the post. He was torn between not leaving Angela and escaping himself. The man took another step towards him and Sam's nerve broke. He half ran, half staggered out onto the jetty that lay beyond the boathouse doors realising his mistake too late. The man followed…smiling. _

_"No way out now." _

_"Touch me and my dad and my brother Dean will kill you." An empty threat at the moment but still he pulled a little comfort from it. _

_"Dean…such a pretty name for such a pretty boy." Sam looked at him. "How do I know what your brother looks like? Maybe he's not coming for you little brother…maybe he can't?" His voice and his comments chilled Sam. " Maybe the game will be more fun if there's a hunter on my trail with a personal interest...say like your daddy? Maybe I should raise the stakes in my little game?" He lifted the knife in his hand and closed the gap. "Shall we see?" _

_Sam had ran out of room, his feet where on the end of the jetty. He decided in that moment that he'd rather drown than let this…thing…in front of him touch him. He just stepped back off the edge and fell into the water. The water was cold despite the heat left in the day, the coldness robbing him of his breath as he struggled for the surface making his head and shoulder ached where they had made contact with the post in the boathouse. He watched as the man turned and made his way back to the boathouse. _**_I left her! _**_Guilt hit him and he started for the shoreline, swimming down a bit to give himself time to get out before the man came back. He was almost there when the man re-emerged dragging Angela behind him. He dropped her at the lake side and then knelt beside her, they were further up from where Sam was now. The man watched Sam drag himself from the water and then he turned away, listened to or for something and then will a last smile he walked away. _

_Sam could hear a car but the car park was further in from the lake than the boathouse, he tried to call out but it was weak…he found the last of his nerve and strength were gone. _

_The next time he surfaced his brother was there, tears falling over him and then nothing. _

_He had woken up at Bobby's. _

_---_

Sam parked the Impala up, gathered up his thoughts and his bits and pieces and headed into the house.

Bobby was sitting at the table, the pictures of Dean that Sam had taken spread out in front of him and two or three books scattered about the table.

Dean was doing something very un-Dean like…he was peeling potatoes. Sam walked up behind him noticing that more than a fair bit of Dean had been peeled in the process.

"There's blood in the water." He looked at Bobby accusingly.

"Yeah." Bobby looked up. "He had a bit of bother deciding what was potato skin and what was Dean skin to start with but he's stopped _throwing _the potatoes back in the bowl so I think he's got the hang of it now."

Sam didn't know whether to laugh or not. "Very domesticated. Are you gonna make him cook as well?" He injected a little sarcasm into the remark.

Bobby scowled. "You know if I decipher what the heck was done to him I may not fix his mouth I might sort yours instead." Bobby's face told Sam just what he meant by sort. "If you want to be able to eat it, I think I'd better cook, besides he'd only burn himself and then that would make me feel bad."

"And him slicing his hands to bits doesn't?"

"Better than him slicing other things." Sam threw him a quizzical look that Bobby ignored. "If it keeps his mind occupied, and stops him thinking too much, it's fine by me."

Sam was standing with his back to Dean and Bobby watched as Dean turned and looked almost exactly where Sam was standing. Dean took a deep breath and put his hand out, waving it in a slow semi-circle and catching Sam's arm in the sweep, he gripped it tight. Sam yelped and jump.

"Jesus Dean give me a heart attack why don't ya. How'd you know that I was there anyhow?" Sam turned and looked at his brother as Dean stood and lifted his hand up to Sam's face and smiled. Sam didn't miss the little look of relief that flitted across Dean's features before his brother sat down again and went back to his task.

Bobby answered. " I'm not sure. He either smells something that lets him know someone's there or he just senses it…can't decide yet…did it twice to me so far today…almost gave me a heart attack too the first time. Teach me to sneak up on him and watch him work."

Bobby slammed the book in front of him shut, stood, and walked over to Dean. He touched him lightly on the shoulder and took the peeler from him, tapping 'your done' on his hand. Dean rubbed the little lacerations on his hands.

"There's a job for you Sam, first aid kits on the table, clean them and check if any need a plaster and you can tell me about your day dear, while I make dinner."

Sam laughed. "Hope you cook like a wife as well as you talk like one."

"Boy I didn't get to be the shape I am eating the crap that you boys, especially this one"…he cuffed Dean's ear and earn a confused scowl… "eat. Now go see to your brother's hands and fill me in on what you've found."

---

Dean had no idea why he earned a cuff on the ear from Bobby.

_I did what you asked old man and that's the thanks I get, even after I managed to peel half my fingers in the process. _

He felt Sam take his hand and pulled back a little as the alcohol on the wipes nipped at his broken skin.

Sam tapped 'wimp' on his hand.

Dean couldn't resist. He tapped 'jerk' and waited.

He was rewarded almost immediately by the 'bitch' response.

He smiled and then sat patiently while Sam patched up the little cuts on his hands, really relaxing for the first time that day since Sam had gone out. Sam was back, safe and in one piece that for now was enough for Dean, anything that his brother had found out was a bonus.

He knew that Sam and Bobby were talking about something, probably him, cause Sam kept taking his hand away and then resting it back on his.

_Sam never could talk without waving his arms. I wonder what he found? I wonder if he did go to the house? _

Dean stilled Sam's hand's and tapped 'house'.

He felt 'later' and 'we need to talk' tapped on his hand.

_Yep, he found something. _ _Ok eat first and then talk…wait talk? Why do I feel as if you're gonna put my Morse code skills into meltdown? Or wear a hole in my hand? _

_--- _

Sam had told Bobby what he'd found in the attic and the book on Faust, which raised the older hunter eyebrows. He held back about the girl, wanting to know Dean's version first before he asked Bobby to fill any gaps. He knew it would have been easier the other way round but he didn't care. He wanted his brother's help solving this case, wanted Dean to feel that he'd helped, just like he would with any other. If he got stuck, he'd turn to Bobby then.

Sam helped Bobby clear up after dinner and then printed off the pictures of both the house and the circle from the attic. He also gave Bobby the notebook with the larger drawings of the main symbols.

"Ok then...let's see what I can dredge up on this. You gonna talk with Dean?" Sam nodded.

"Good luck with that, I think you may need it."

Sam took Dean through and sat him on the bed that was against the wall, pushing him back against it and climbing up beside him, still not sure exactly how they were going to get through this.

Sam took Dean's hand. "What do you remember about Marshtown and 1997?" He spoke the sentence but only tapped the words that he needed Dean to know.

He felt his brother tense beside him.

"There was a girl? Her name was Angela, I think?"

A look crossed Dean's face and then he tapped back 'Yes. Angela'. _Her name was Angela._

"Do you remember that night at the lake?

All Dean did was nod. _You mean the night you and my girl at the time almost got killed? Kinda hard to forget Sammy and I tried little brother I really did. _

"Didn't Angela have a sister? "

Dean nodded again. _Name was __Audrey__ dude, and really at this moment I'm glad I can't talk 'cos I'm not sure I want to go there. _

"Was she the woman in the bar?"

Dean looked confused for a moment and then shook his head._ Nah, the woman in the bar was younger than she would have been now…I think._ He couldn't pull up the face of the woman who he'd gone home with no matter how hard he tried, he only had the feeling that he'd met her before. It was beginning to annoy him, he had a good memory, names, places, faces…he could call them all to mind easily but this one woman escaped him. A little thought struck him.

_She had been singing…before she finished it…he knew the song…had heard it before._

The song though like her face swam there just out of his reach…it was a woman that sang it._ Yeah Dean, great work that narrows it down to about two billions choices._ He rubbed his hand over his brow feeling a headache starting.

Sam touched his hand and Dean took a deep breath and tapped 'sure, this, that, connected' on Sam's hand.

Sam tapped back 'yes'

_Damn. _He pulled his hand over his face, tugging gently at his bottom lip before taking it away and sat rubbing the heel of his hand up and down his thigh. _Shit, might need a shovel to dig up these memories Sam, and even then we might not get deep enough. __What do you need to know? _

"Everything."

_I was afraid of that__. __Laptop_

Sam looked at Dean. "Laptop?"

_Yes__. __Laptop__. _

Sam fetch the laptop and put in on Dean's knee. He watched as his brother closed his eyes and placed his hands on the keyboard, his face one of total concentration. Slowly he typed ' Dean Winchester' onto the screen.

Dean didn't know why he closed his eyes but he found it helped him to bring up the images of the keys into his mind. He felt for the little marks on the 'f' and 'j' keys and slowly typed his name. He took Sam's hand and tapped 'Ok' on it.

Sam tapped back 'yes'.

Dean sighed. He tapped 'go help Bobby, _and I'll tell you what I remember.' _


	11. Chapter 11

HI

Ok, where were we, Dean's little trip down memory lane coming up. I wrote this as a back story and then ripped it up and wrote it almost as Dean would write and think it (I hope) I was gonna put in the spelling mistakes etc that I spoke about in the first paragraph but it was too difficult to read, so I had Sam clean it up for me!!

What did Dean do that was so bad....here it is!

Thank you for all the reviews, there have been loads and I am struggling to reply to them all but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate them. Thanks again, Mary xx

Forgive Me

He sat with the laptop on his knee and typed slowly.

_Ok Dean, spent long enough using one of these things to know where the keys are and this has so got to be the quickest way to do this so lets just get on with it. _

He rested his fingers back on the keyboard and started to type.

_ --- _

Sam and Bobby sat with the books and the pictures in front of them pouring over ever little detail. Sam had the pictures of the house and the circle in front of him and Bobby was still working on the carving on Dean's chest.

"Fair bet to say that this is a witch then eh?" Bobby raised his head from the book and sorted his cap. Sam stopped and looked over.

"Looks that way, but I think that there's something more, I just don't know what yet."

"Is that what you've got Dean working on?" Sam nodded.

"You found something else at the house, didn't you?" Bobby's look pierced right through Sam and he nodded again.

"I want Dean's version first, if he can managed to tell me it. I might need you to fill in the blanks later though." He looked down at his hands and then back to Bobby.

"That's what I'm here for. You know something about this might mean more to me if you could give me a little hint as to what I'm looking for?" Bobby's manner was gentle, wanting to know more but not willing to push.

Sam gave Bobby a steady gaze. "I can give you a time?"

Bobby raised his eyebrows.

"Summer 1997."

A little dark look crossed Bobby's face. "Busy time…a lot of things happened then." He dropped his eyes to the book in front of him, effectively ending the conversation.

Sam stared at him wondering what Bobby remembered that he didn't.

---

Dean looked worn out when Sam next went back to check on him. He touched his brother's shoulder and was rewarded only with a brief and distance smile. He turned the laptop to Sam and he knelt down and saved the document that Dean had typed. It was fine at the start but further down it was harder to read…more bunched…the spelling mistakes more frequent as his brother had tired.

Dean tapped his hand asking him how it was. Sam let him know that he had done an amazing job and that made Dean smile again, less distant this time.

Sam told Dean that he was going to go read it, and Dean tapped that he was going for a shower. Sam watched as he stood and made his way across the room. He realised that yet again he was amazed as how well his brother could cope with anything that was thrown at him, how well he could adapt…but then, he thought, Dean had had plenty of practice at adapting…at changing himself to fit in and coping with whatever crap had been thrown at him.

Sam moved to the other bed, propped himself up on the pillows and started to read. He spaced and sorted the mistakes as he read without even thinking about it.

Dean climbed into the shower and slid down the wall to sit in the bottom, pulling his knees up and resting his chin on them. He hoped that this would soon be over and that his brother wouldn't think badly of him when it was.

---

_Summer 1997_

_I remember Bobby coming to get us, Dad was there too. They had to call the police and an ambulance but I remember Dad insisting that he take us home and Bobby insisting that I go get seen too. Bobby won. I was in the hospital for a day until I signed myself out. I'd lost a bit of blood and they didn't want to let me home. Bobby stayed with me the whole time 'cos Dad was with you at his place. Don't know if you remember that at all. By the time I got home the next day he had taken you to Jim's didn't even wait to let me see you were ok, he just wanted you out of harm's road so he could hunt the thing down. _

_Angela's head injury was serious, I found that out the next morning. Audrey wasn't too bad, they just kept her in to watch her overnight and she was getting out the next day. Bobby spoke to her about not mentioning you and she was cool with that. She came to visit me, to see how I was and Bobby had left us for a few minutes, that's when her mother arrived. She was more than a little bit upset with both Audrey and me. I tried to tell her it was my fault, that I should have been there, that Audrey thought that I was but she was just so angry. Audrey left really upset and then her mum went after her. I wanted to follow but Bobby had arrived back and stopped me, told me not to get involved, that it would blow over. I wanted home after that so I signed myself out, Bobby wasn't happy but I couldn't stay there. I snuck in to see Angela just before I left, her mum was talking to the doctors but I didn't really care if she caught me._

_I just wanted to see her you know. _

_She was so pale except for this huge bruise on her head and there was just so many machines, not that we're not used to that now, but then it kinda threw me. She was just so small lying there, a little broken china doll. Broke my heart to see her like that. _

Sam realised that his brother wasn't only typing his thoughts but a little of his feelings too, he wondered if he had even been aware of it.

_I sat with her for a minute or two, think I was hoping that she'd wake up 'cos I was there, but she didn't, so I got the hell out of there before her mother came back, I did want to upset her more than she was at the moment, couldn't deal with that right at that minute. I kinda realised that maybe I wasn't her most favourite person at the moment not that I was to start with, not good enough for her daughter you know, if she'd known for sure that we were sleeping together I don't think it wouldn't have been pretty. _

_I was going home when it struck me that if Audrey wasn't in the hospital she would be home and maybe she'd know what was going on with her sister. I begged Bobby and we swung by there. Audrey was a mess. Her mom had blamed her for everything it seemed, well her and me Audrey said but I wasn't there to get the sharp edge of a tongue lashing. I wish I could have saved her from that, from having her mom tell her that her sister getting hurt was her fault, that Audrey had let her down._

_She told me that they didn't think that Angela was gonna wake up and that they might have to turn off her life support. Said her mom was thinking about it. I couldn't believe that she was that bad, you know. _

_They left Angela for a week, I snuck in a coupla times, just to see her, sit with her. She was fading I could see it. She was so full of life, funny, happy, sexy and it was all gone, everything that made her special. It was just the machines that were keeping her going and I wanted to stay with her, to be with her, but her mum caught me there that time, and boy did she tell me what she thought of me, not pleasant but I deserved it. I mean she wouldn't have been there if I'd just did what Dad asked me, if I hadn't made him mad, hadn't asked her to meet me there, she would still be here. _

_I watched her mum a coupla times just sitting there, holding Angela's hand, signing to her, she looked so sad, so lost and angry too. Every time I saw her she was crying. _

There was a large gap in the writing and Sam realised that Dean had stopped typing for a moment, had rested his hand on the space bar while he thought about something then had continued.

_Sam please don't think badly of me for this next part. _

The simple little sentence made Sam pause to wondering just what the hell had happened to make Dean think that Sam would think badly of him.

_Anyway I went to see Audrey again and we were talking and she was kinda upset and so was I, and I swear to god that I didn't mean it to happen, I wasn't thinking, she was just so upset and it was my fault and I just meant to comfort her but somehow that's not what it ended up being, then her mum came home and she found us. She'd come home to let Audrey know that Angela was gone and she found us together. My girlfriend was dying in the hospital and I was with her sister. _

_Some guy your brother eh._ Sam winced at the little remark. 

_Audrey's mum went ape on me, screaming, shouting, hitting. Then she tried to start on Audrey so I got her out of there, we went back to lake, just sat there for a while, then she left, didn't say a word to me the whole time that we were there and I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know how to say that I was sorry, for everything. _

_I screwed up and Angela died. _

_God I typed all this and all I really needed to type was that sentence cause that's all that really happened Sam. _

_I went to her funeral, there was so many people there, I just hung back in the trees away from the graveside. I swear her mom knew though, she looked right at me at one point. Angela's dad was helping Audrey her mom seemed to cold shoulder her. Something else that was my fault. I tried to contact Audrey later, see if she was ok, but she didn't answer her phone, sent me a message which dad got because he taken back the damned phone. Told me to stay away. He wanted to know why so I told him that it was cause of what happened to her sister but he knew there was something more, either guessed or he didn't tell me the full message. Either way he still knew that I'd screwed up. _

_Dad and I hunted for a few weeks after that, trying to find the thing or the guy that did it, seems you were a little vague on the details little bro. Gave up cause the killings stopped went and got you at Jim's and we moved on. Police found the guy, and it was just a guy, regular nine to five, carve up a girl at the weekend for fun guy, found him a week later with a hunting knife in his back. Found him and the bodies of the rest of the girls up in a cabin nearly ten miles away. Seems they got an anonymous tip. _

_So there you have it little bro, that whole summer. So was it Audrey or her mom that did this, has to be one right cause I've got no other ideas. But I know that it wasn't either of them in the bar that night, she wasn't old enough, I don't remember much about her really but she was younger than I am, I'd swear that she was. _

Dean's final sentence froze Sam and he wondered if his brother even realised that he had typed it.

_Sam we are never gonna solve this are we. I'm stuck like this. _

Sam closed the laptop and vowed that they would.

He had some questions for Dean but as he watched his brother step out of the bathroom he realised that they could wait until morning.

He looked as Dean felt for the little clock that Bobby had left for him on the bedside table, the one that he had carefully taken the glass from so that Dean could feel the hands and get a rough idea of what time it was. It was eleven o'clock. It had taken Dean almost four hours to type what he had and he looked like his head was now ready to explode. Sam watched his brother slid under the covers and close his eyes out of habit, exhaustion written on his face.

Sam went and got changed and when he came out Dean was asleep, already restless despite the small time that had passed. He gently brushed his hand against Dean's forehead and silently wished his brother good night then he lay down and churned over Dean's story of that summer in his head until sleep claimed him too.

---

Bobby was up when Sam walked through in the morning, coffee already brewing. "Brother of yours must be tired, had this pot on the go for ages and he hasn't surfaced yet. Not like him." Bobby poured Sam a cup and handed it to him as he sat down.

"Yeah, suppose he is." Sam rocked the cup in his hands.

"You get anything useful out of that little exercise last night then?"

"Kind of, I need to ask him a few questions and I'm going to need you version as well. He doesn't think that the woman in the bar is linked to that summer but she has to be 'cos if not why was the picture of Dean and Angela in the house?"

"There was a picture of your brother and his girlfriend from that summer in the house?" Sam raised his eyebrows at Bobby knowing who Angela was but then he had been in the hospital with Dean when Angela was there, Bobby was always going to remember something like that.

"Yeah stuck inside a tourist book for Marshtown on the page that talks about the lake. That is so not a coincidence." Sam looked up a Bobby. "I need to go out later, do some research on the house, Angela's family and perhaps the killer that Dad and Dean were hunting too."

"I need to go out this morning, I got some parts to fetch for a customer. You want to wait 'til I get back or take Dean with you?" Bobby grabbed his keys from the table.

"I'll wait. He hates libraries at the best of times."

"Yeah, Mags might pop in today anyhow, she wants to see how the boy's chest is healing, seems to think that some of it's healing too fast." Sam shot Bobby a worried look. "I know, just let her look again and then we'll start worrying ok?"

"Ok." _Please don't let it be anything._

"I'll be back about twelve."

"Fine." Sam sat until Bobby left and then got ready, Dean was stirring as he finished. He fetched his brother a coffee and left him to get dressed.

He wanted to call and check the opening times for the library and the records office but discovered that he'd left his phone in the car. He walked out and had opened the door when he realised that someone had come up behind him, he turned quickly and almost knocked the older woman behind him over. She stepped back, a startled look on her face.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd heard me. I need some help. My car has got a flat tyre and I can't get the spare out. I'm about a half a mile down the road. I was going to call for help but my phone's dead." She held out the offending phone.

"Yeah, sure." Sam turned towards the house. "I just need to tell my brother…."

The sentence was cut short as she fired the taser into his back.

"Don't worry…I'll do that for you."


	12. Chapter 12

See I'm not all bad. Nasty cliffie...quick update!

Dean's visitor calls to say 'hi'

Thank you all again for the amazing and numerous reviews - I love each and every one. I'm torn between replying and posting.. think you'd rather I posted though!

Does Dean have two assailants and is it Angela's mum? Mmm...heading in the right direction but not quite all the way there folks!

Fear Lurks In The Darkness

Dean knew that someone was in the room with him and he knew that that someone wasn't his brother or Bobby…not unless they had started wearing perfume. The scent attacked his nose making his want to sneeze. He quelled the urge.

He felt something ghost past him and he froze.

_It's her._

He suddenly recognised the perfume from that night at the bar, his time at that house. He shivered.

_Shit, she's here…so where is Sam?_

Panic seized him. He tried to force it down and headed for the bed, _pretend you don't know she's here, Dean. _

_Maybe she's not? _

_Maybe your imagining it?_

He felt something touch his arm, lightly brushing it and then it was gone.

_Ok, so not imagining it. Just get to the bed Dean. _

He bumped against it and sat down his hand reaching under the pillow.

_Crap…it's not here…my knife...Jesus, Bobby took it…it's not friggin' here. _

_**Dean!**_

_Great now I'm hearing things. Wait…how the hell can I hear her? She's in my head. No…not in my head…no! _

_**Where's your brother Dean? Where's your friend? Are you all alone? **_

_Get out of my head!_****He slid off the bed onto the floor, curled himself up against the bed and the table next to it.

_**Poor Dean. Can you hear me Dean? I know you can? Are you scared Dean…'cos you should be. **_

He felt the sharp jab in his neck and realised that she had injected him with something.

_No, please don't do this to me…not again. _

He felt his body relaxing as the drug kicked in, he felt like he was floating…floating until she touched the knife to his chest. His heart constricted tightly in his chest and he clutched at the pain, feeling the knife break his skin as he jerked into it.

_No!_

He tried to push himself away from the bed but only ended up lying on his front. He felt her hands on him. She rolled him over and he felt the knife again graze his stomach.

_I'm sorry please. _

The little voice in his head sounded pathetic, even to him.

_Please_…_whatever it is you want me to be sorry for I'm am…please don't do this to me again. _

The knife lifted off him and he almost felt her step away, the scent of the perfume faded and he tried to sit up but his legs and arms wouldn't obey.

_Sam. _

_Please god don't let her have hurt my brother. _

His little inner voice argued with him. _Of course she has stupid or he would be here…now…with you. _

_Please don't let him be dead…please don't let him be dead… oh shit…she's back…no…what are you doing?...no please don't do that…please don't cut me. _

She smiled as she watched true panic finally grip him, he batted weakly at her, his arm movements slowed by the drug in his system and she slipped the knife under his t-shirt and ripped it open. She ran her hands over his chest and delighted as his tears started.

_**These are healing nicely Dean, do you know if you haven't discovered what we did to you before these scars all heal…and they will heal Dean…then you'll stay as you are…broken and alone…just like I am…just like you cause me to be. **_

He felt the knife rest again his neck, pressing hard enough to draw blood again and for a moment a little part of him wanted her to just do it…just end it here and now, but he knew that wasn't what she wanted.

_She wants me suffering…not dead…not yet anyway._

_**Remember Dean…I can get to you anywhere at any time and you won't know that I'm coming until it's too late. **_He felt as if she was whispering in his ear. _**And sooner or later I will come for you Dean. Trust me on that. Now where is that brother of yours? Is he dead already or is this just a little bit of his blood that I've spilled. **_

Dean shook involuntary as she wiped a warm liquid down his cheek.

Then she was gone.

He lay there, totally unable to move for a moment, frozen by the shock of the assault on him and then the panic gripped him once again and he somehow found the will. Unable to stand he slowly crawled across the floor.

_Sam. I need to find Sam. _

_--- _

Mags drew her car into the yard at Bobby's and immediately picked up her phone.

Sam was lying face down in the dirt next to a car and what looked like a taser was lying next to him.

"Hi, it Dr Graham , from Blackwater Medical, I need police attendance and an ambulance at Singer's Salvage Yard….." she rattled off directions and instructions as she knelt down and felt for Sam's pulse. Finishing the call she turned Sam on his side and checked his breathing. He was out cold but at least he wasn't dead. She went back to her truck and took the gun from the glove box. Dropping her medical bag beside Sam for now she walked slowly towards the house.

"Bobby…you in there?" She stepped through the front door, checked the room and walked through into Bobby's living room. Dean was crawling towards her on the floor. She resisted the urge to go to him and quickly checked the other rooms, only when she was satisfied she was alone did she put down the gun and kneel in front of Dean.

He freaked when she touched him, violently waving his arms at her, trying to get her way from him. She realised that she couldn't calm him enough to get him to understand it was her. She stood and ran outside, grabbed her bag and hurried back in.

By the time she returned he had managed to pull himself over to the wall and was almost hugged against it. She pulled the stethoscope from it and thrust it into his hands. He panicked at first and then slowly realised what it was…who was here with him. He put his hand out and she clasped it, almost crying out as he gripped tightly to her. She gently checked him over. He had a small cut on his stomach and one on his neck, his shirt was wrecked and his heart was hammering like a train. He patted his neck and she saw a small red mark on it. She knew what that was, tilting his head back she instinctively went to check his eyes and then realised that she couldn't… not properly.

---

He was lying on the floor when he felt the cold draught of air that could only mean that the front door had been opened but whoever had come in didn't come directly to him.

_Oh God, Sam or Bobby would have come to me first, they wouldn't have left me lying here. Please don't let it be her again. _

A little sob broke through him.

_Please. _

It _was_ complete blind panic that gripped him when he felt the hands back on him. He struggled to get her to leave him alone…then she did and that panicked him even more because then all he could think about was what if she was attacking his brother. He pulled himself over to the wall but he couldn't get up…not on his own…so he curled up against it. He flinched as something was placed in his hands, a brief moment of panic and then he realised what this was…who this was. He put his hand out.

_Doc is that you? It is isn't it?_ He felt relief well up inside him. _Take my hand…that's it…please don't let go. _

He could feel her checking him over, he fought down the panic again and tried not to flinched at her every touch.

_It's ok, this is Bobby's friend it's the doctor…it's ok…god it's ok._ He felt the tears come as she lifted his head to check his eyes.

---

Mags reached for her gun as she heard the noise outside, using her free hand she pulled Dean to his feet and pushed him against the wall, using her body to keep him upright between her and it she raised the gun in both hands and then relaxed as she heard the voice call her name.

"Bobby! In here…it's clear." She watched as Bobby still scanned the room as he entered.

"Help me with him." She lowered her gun, dropped it onto the medical bag and grabbed Dean's arm. Bobby stuck his in his waistband and took Dean's other arm, gently raising it to his head but Dean already knew this was Bobby, he could smell it.

"Let's get him onto the couch." Bobby and Mags had to almost half drag him over and then rested him down gently.

"What's wrong with him?" Bobby's voice was full of concern.

"Whoever did this, drugged him. He's got a needle mark on his neck. I need to check on Sam can you watch him, try not to let him fall asleep ok?"

Bobby nodded and she turned, grabbed her bag and headed outside.

----

Dean was shivering now uncontrollably. He felt Bobby stand and grabbed his arm.

_Please don't leave me. _

Bobby tapped blanket on Dean's hand but Dean shook his head so Bobby shrugged his jacket off and wrapped it over Dean's shoulders. Dean tapped his brother's name out.

_Come on Bobby…tell me he's ok…please…he's got to be ok. _

Bobby tapped out the words 'knocked out' and 'he's ok' and he felt Dean relax a little.

_Bobby I feel weird._ The shock of the attack and the relief that his brother was ok combined with the effects of the drug, everything starting to drag him under. _Shit Bobby…I want to see Sam…I want to _**_see _**_him, make sure he's ok… I don't feel so good._

---

Bobby tightened his grip as he realised that Dean was going to pass out. He gently laid him out on the couch, grateful as he heard Mags coming back into the house.

"The paramedics are here, we're taking Sam to hospital…shit did he pass out?"

"Yeah, there just now."

"Ok, he's coming with us too. I'll make sure that you're allowed to stay with him at all times. When he wakes up he's going to need you to let him know it's alright and where he is."

The paramedics arrived in and Mags updated them on Dean's condition. "This man rides with them both in the ambulance and he stays with this one at all times ok?" She turned to Bobby. "If you get any resistance at the hospital you get them to page me. I'll follow in my car once I've spoken to the police."

She smiled at Bobby and lent in. "If they ask, Dean has been like this for as long as you can remember." Bobby nodded and she gave in a quick grin and dropped her voice even lower. "So the boy's second name today is…?"

"Singer, I've got my own medical…they're my nephews."

"Fine, lets get them out of here."

---

She stood watching them, disappointed that the woman and the hunter had arrived so quickly after she had left him. She had wanted him to suffer just a little bit longer on his own.

The brother would find her, she knew that, she hoped for it. She would take him from Dean as he had taken her family from her and then he would know what it was like to really be on his own, cut off from the world with only your own misery for comfort.

He wouldn't know it for long though because once she'd taken his family from him she would help him finish it, help find release from his pain…but she would make it hurt as she did it. He could count on that.

She felt the touch on her arm and turned to look into the face that was so familiar but so different. She didn't ever remember that face containing such rage and pain as it did now. She took the hand of the younger woman beside her and led her away as the police started a search of the yard. She hoped that she could control her long enough to end this her way but relished the fact that even if she couldn't… Dean Winchester's death would still be drawn out and painful.

---

Bobby looked up as the door opened. "What the hell are you doing up and about?"

Sam smiled sheepishly. "I'm fine. I signed myself out. How's is he?"

"Shocked and groggy. He's woke up a few times, asked for you and then passed out again. They checked him over, whatever she drugged him with it's working its way out his system."

Sam sat down and took his brother's hand in his. "Do we know what it was yet?"

"Not yet. Seeing as how you're here I'm gonna take a break. You ok to sit with him?"

"Yeah."

"You want a coffee or anything?"

"Coffee would be good. Thanks."

Sam sat watching his brother after Bobby was gone, he was so still it scared him so he reached over and gently touched his brother's chest regretting the movement instantly as Dean jerked violently awake at the touch. Sam stood quickly and raised his hands to his brother's face, felt it as his brother recognised it as him and relaxed again, his eyes flickering and then closing again, too much effort required just now to keep them opened.

Sam took Dean's hand and tapped 'you ok' on it.

Dean struggled to raise his hand, managing to type 'yes you' before it fell back onto his brothers.

Sam tapped back 'peachy' which caused Dean to smile briefly and then he was drifting again, his last thought that he had something important he had to tell his brother but for this life of him, at this moment, he couldn't remember what. __


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

I agonised over the end of this...to leave it hanging...not to leave it hanging. Whether to do it at all! This was the my final choice. Leaves it hanging but believe me...originally it was worse!!

Please note the objective word in the last sentence is _trying_!

This takes the story a little further on.

Thanks again for all the reviews, please keep them coming!

Mary xx

Down But Not Out

Dean had finally managed to keep it together long enough the previous evening to tell Sam what she had said about his chest wounds and the news hadn't been welcome. Now there was a countdown involved and that made Sam panic himself. Mags and a doctor friend had a look over Dean, studied Sam's original photos and come up with a timescale…a rough, short timescale of two weeks.

_Two weeks or they'd be living like this forever._

He felt sorry for his brother, he did, but he needed time to think, time to fix this and it just wasn't happening with Dean now sandwiched to his side all day. He sat Dean down and dropped into the chair beside him, placing his knee against Dean's as he did.

Sam was feeling a little claustrophobic.

They had been back at Bobby's for three days and Dean had almost been permanently attached to Sam's side for the whole time. The attack had spooked him, really spooked him this time and he panicked anytime that Sam was out of his touch for longer than a minute. Even Bobby couldn't really calm him anymore, the confidence that he had helped build up in Dean torn apart by the breach into his place of safety. Sam got the feeling that her getting inside Dean's head was the worst thing for his brother, but the violation of his safe haven run it close. This was the only place that Sam could think of that his brother felt truly safe and she had destroyed that for him.

He had spent too long in the shower this morning, truthfully almost purposely delaying so as not to deal with his brother for just five minutes more, and when he'd come out he'd found Dean sitting quietly outside, leaning against the door, worrying his bottom lip as he tried to keep the panic down.

Sam needed his brother fixed now as much as Dean needed to be fixed. He couldn't, wouldn't let his brother live like this.

---

Bobby had taken in the frustrated look on Sam's face as he walked into the room with his brother in tow.

"Still bad huh?"

Sam rolled his eyes and then felt bad. "I can't think Bobby, not with him breathing down my neck like this and we're running out of time to fix this." He dropped his eyes. "I want my brother back Bobby, my strong, confident, pain in the ass brother…not this…I can't stand seeing him like this."

Bobby put a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder. "I know, we'll sort it, somehow, ok?"

Sam snorted. "Yeah."

Bobby smiled at him. "Well I've got a little bit of good news for you and a little bit of bad. Which do you want first?"

"The good…I couldn't take any more bad news at the moment."

"I've figured out the spell."

Sam's face lit up. "That's wonderful, you mean we can get Dean back to normal?" He felt his worries lift slightly until he looked at Bobby's face.

Bobby held up his hand. "That's the bad news, we need a part of the wronged person for it to work."

"What wronged person?"

"The person that the spell was either done by or for. Someone who believes that your brother wrong them or someone close to them."

"So it has to be about Angela right,?" Sam tried to keep the little desperate edge from his voice.

" Not really. We know the connection is to Angela but it's not her that's doing this so I guess it's either Audrey or the mother. I can't see them telling us which one we need a part of and then just letting us walk up and take a piece of them to break this. Do you?"

"Why don't we try with Angela first anyway?" Yep, sam could _hear_ the desperate in that one. "Guess you want to go dig her up then?"

"That wasn't quite the lines I was thinking along."

Sam could feel what little patience that he had left dissipating as Bobby paused. "Well?"

"Well, we check the grave, if it's disturbed then we know that we need to dig her up." He smiled his smug smile at Sam.

"Good thinking but we think that this person is Audrey or Angela's mother right? I never met the mother but I think that the bitch that tasered me…judging by her age…pretty much must be her. So what if she kept a memento of her daughter…say a lock of her hair…she wouldn't need to dig her up."

"Ok, Mr Glass Is Half Empty, I see your point, but that means we've gotta dig her up then."

Sam groaned "Me and my big mouth."

Bobby was looking at his hands. "There a bit more bad news."

Sam rolled his eyes and huffed this time. "What?"

"To reverse it, we have to re-create the ritual."

"What! Do you mean that we have to cut him up again? I can't…."

Bobby stopped him. "No, we can use marker or something, but we need to bind him and we need his blood…Mags could help with that, there's a liquid part too. We have to pour it in his mouth, eyes and ears…and we need to know the order she did it to him in"

"Shit." Sam rubbed his hand across his face in a gesture that made Bobby think of Dean. "This better work first time."

"I know."

---

They waited until it was dark and then headed out.

Dean was sitting shotgun in the Impala after they had tried and failed to get him to sit in the back. He was so close to Sam that he almost didn't have room to turn the wheel without hitting Dean with his elbows.

Bobby scratched his head. "What are we going to do with him when we're digging?"

Sam looked in the rear-view and swallowed. "We're gonna have to lock him in the car. It the only way to get this done quickly."

"Well that's gonna be fun." Bobby sighed and sat back.

They reached the graveside and Sam turned to Dean, taking his hand. "Stay here, I won't be long." He typed slowly to ensure that Dean understood. Dean's response told him that that hadn't been a problem. He gripped Sam's hand and shook his head.

Bobby got out and left them to it.

---

Dean didn't want to be left in the car. Not on his own.

_Please Sammy, I'll stay out of the way, I'll sit were you tell me, do what you tell me…just please don't leave me in here alone. _

Dean has hoped that being in the car would soothe his jangled nerves but even the Impala's magic didn't help this time. He could feel his brother's insistence coming through in the hardness of the taps on his hands. He felt Sam slide out the car and had to choke back the panic attack that threatened to take him.

He placed his hand on the door and felt it as the door locks fired.

_Shit, he's locked me in…that's a good thing right…good thing…can't get to me in here if the doors are locked._

His left leg was bouncing and he put his hand down to stop it but just succeeded in sending the jitter up the arm that rested on it.

_Please…don't be long._

He turned and rested his head back against the top of the seat and closed his eyes.

_You can do this Dean…you're only waiting in the car…no big deal…it's not like she's out there is it?…nice one…way to stay calm Dean…you know she's not out there right?_

He had to lean forward and put his head down between his legs.

_Calm down Dean…for god's sake…you're only waiting in the damned car. _

He looked out where he thought his brother might be.

_Please hurry. _

_--- _

Sam watched for a moment and then tore his eyes away from his brother. He grabbed a shovel from Bobby. "Let's do this and get out of here."

He turned so that he was facing the car and started to dig.

It took them an hour, Sam had to stop twice to stop Dean from almost trying to break the glass on the car. He breathed a sigh of relief when they hit something solid. He took a hold of the lid and pulled it back hard. A wave of nausea hit him as he came face to face with the girl that he'd sat talking to on that park bench over ten years ago. Instead of the skull that sat in front of him he saw her, smiling at him, laughing…talking so damned animated and fondly about his brother.

He knew that she would hate what her family had done to Dean.

"Are you gonna stare at her all night or are you actually gonna finish what we came here to do?" Bobby's sarcasm tore Sam from his reverie. He bent down and noticed that the fingers on her right hand were in pieces. He picked up two of the bones and held them up to Bobby.

"These do?"

"Yeah, think so, now let's get the heck out of here."

Sam manoeuvred the lid down and together with Bobby filled the grave back in.

Dean was lying in the car, on the driver's side, head against the window and a death grip on the steering wheel. It wasn't until Sam opened the door that he realised his brother was out cold, except nothing about Dean was cold. His skin on his face felt like it was on fire.

Sam loosened his brother's jacket and pulled the bottle of water from the door pocket. Gently he splashed some in Dean's face and was rewarded with a little sigh.

Bobby's concerned face hovered at the other side of the car. "Is he alright?"

"I think he worked himself into such a stated he's blacked out." He turned his attention back to his brother.

"Dean."

A gentle slap to the face.

"Dean."

Just as panic was about to grip Sam Dean slowly opened his eyes and loosened his grip on the wheel, letting his hands drop to his knees. Dean turned his head to look at him with those damn awful eyes and he could see that something had happened, Dean was spooked again and Sam had a feeling there was more to it than simply being left in the car.

Sam forced Dean to take some of the water and then put his hands to Dean's face to check him but his brother pulled away, sliding over to let Sam in behind the wheel. Sam and Bobby shared a worried glance.

They both slid into the car and Sam started her up and pulled out. Dean sat on the passenger side, his head turned to the window and stared out it the whole way home.

_She was here Sammy, in here with me, in my friggin' head_**_. _**_I want her out of my head!_

---

"How is he?"

Bobby was spray painting a copy of the ritual circle on his floor and something that smelled horrid was cooking on the stove in the kitchen.

"Strange, he's got changed, took one of the tablets Mags left and went to bed, I tried to find out what's wrong but he wouldn't talk back. I sat until he went to sleep. I hope we didn't push him too far tonight." Sam worried his bottom lip.

"He'll be fine, that's the first time he's been completely on his own for any length of time since our visitor, he's gotta feel it…he'll be fine."

Sam cast a worried and guilty look at the closed bedroom door. "I shouldn't have left him in the car."

"He'll be fine." Bobby went back to his masterpiece on the floor and Sam sat down again with the pictures of the house and it's garden. He'd forgotten that he intended to check the original plans for the street and decided that he'd do that tomorrow; even if this worked tomorrow he still wanted to find them, stop them from coming after Dean again, and find out just exactly who the woman from the bar was, not liking the threat that she still posed to his brother.

---

It has started in the car, the voice…his panic had left him open and she had got in. He could still hear her, her voice whispering to him promises of pain….promises of tears…promises of him remaining as he was.

_**They think they've solved it Dean…but they haven't…it isn't going to work…you're still going to be a useless, helpless wretch. **_

He put his hands over his head and rocked gently, humming a song in his head, trying to block her out.

_**I'm still going to make you scream until your lungs burst.**_

He knew that it was all in his head, that she wasn't here but he still reached under the pillow and let out a sigh of relief when his fingers closed round the hilt of his knife. He had asked and Sam had given it back to him and he relished the comfort that it brought. It was here this time, he was safe. She wouldn't get to harm him this time.

He tried to block her out, her voice, telling him what she was going to do to him…just how much she was going to make it hurt.

He felt sick and pushed himself up off the bed , staggering to the bathroom, dropping on the floor and hugging the toilet. He gasped as the knife still gripped in his hand nicked his arm, causing him to look down unseeingly at the spot.

_That didn't hurt that bad._

His little voice was going a place he wasn't sure he wanted it to but he didn't have the will to fight it for now. He pulled the knife up and gently pressed it against his flesh.

_No that really doesn't hurt at all. It would be so quick…it would be over…and she wouldn't be able to touch you again._

Slowly he dug it in harder and drew it down the length of his arm, feeling the blood start to flow even though the cut wasn't deep.

_I won't let you touch me again. I'm not afraid of you. _

He lifted and moved it over, closer to the middle of his arm, digging it in again.

_I won't let you touch me again.I'm not scared of you. _

He drew the knife up his arm and laughed softly, the sound only in his head, as this time the blood ran freer, the cut a little deeper than the one before. He lined the knife up again.

_I won't live like this. You can't make me. _

That's when he dropped the knife…the cold realisation of what he was trying to do hitting him like a train.


	14. Chapter 14

Things get really bad for both brothers in this but as the title says - from the bottom the only way is up!!

Little warning for some out of the usual Dean swearing! (in his head of course!!)

Thank you all for reading and reviewing this as much as you have - *hugs all of you*.

From The Bottom The Only Way Is Up

She relished the fact that she could reach him now, as the spell reached closure her connection to him would strengthen…as he weakened.

She loved that she had rattled him, pushed him to the edge and perhaps, since at the moment her connection to him was broken…over it. If she had it was really all to quick and easy but still it would be enough…but if she hadn't then pretty soon…he'd wish that she had.

She herself had just more than three months left but she had wanted the timing of her attack to be perfect and if he wasn't dead there was one little scrap of information that she was dying to let him know…before she let him join her family in death.

_---_

The cold realisation of what he was trying to do hit him like a train.

_Jesus, what did I just do? What did she just push me too? What did I just let her push me too? _

He fumbled forward and found the towel, wrapped it tightly round his arm and then used his good arm to pull himself up.

_Fucking idiot! Fucking weak willed, weak minded idiot! _

The room swum slightly and he prayed that it was the tablet he'd taken and not the blood loss. He thought the cuts weren't that bad but he didn't know really just how bad not bad was. He couldn't see to tell. He lent against the door and then gathered himself.

His Winchester spirit kicked in. _No way I'm going out by my own hand on a friggin' bathroom floor. _

He dragged himself out the bathroom and along the wall to the bedroom door.

_What will Sam think of you? How could you even think about doing this? Did you even think?_

The thought of how disappointed his brother would be in him almost crashed him again.

_Sam, oh god Sam, I'm sorry…I didn't mean this…I didn't. I just wanted her to stop. _

He caught the handle and pulled the door opened, sliding to his knees and then the floor as he did so.

---

Sam turned as the door opened expecting to see Dean as it did, but it only opened part of the way and then stopped. He glanced at Bobby and the first flicker of panic wormed its way through him.

"Dean?" Calling his brother's name was an automatic thing, briefly forgetting that his brother could neither hear him nor respond. He walked towards the door, catching a glimpse of the slumped figure as he approached. The panic morphed into a hand that gripped his heart. Something was wrong here…very wrong.

Kneeling down he pushed the door opened until it banged against Dean's side causing him to look up at Sam. He watched as his brother mouthed the word 'sorry'. That's when his eyes rested on the towel and the blood.

"Dean!" He pushed the door fully opened, sliding his brother across the floor as he did and grabbed Dean's arm, pulling it to him and removing the towel. The sight of the two long slashes made him gag involuntarily and he had to force himself not to be sick. He slowly turned Dean's arm and relaxed a little as he realised that although they looked bad they weren't too deep, there was a lot of blood but Sam doubted the severity of them, that and his brother hadn't started from his wrist but above his watch.

Sam felt Bobby's presence behind him. "Is he…Christ Sam what the heck did he do? I'll call Mags!"

Sam gripped his leg. "No, they're not as bad as they look, can you get me the first aid kit?"

"Sam I really think…."

Sam's tone was harsher and louder than he meant it to be. "Bobby, just get the damned first aid kit, before he bleeds to death!"

---

Lifting his brother over to the bed he thanked Bobby as he brought the kit, towels and water. Sam gently bathed Dean's arm. His own hands shook more than his brother's did.

_What if he hadn't come out? He was sleeping, I was busy, I wouldn't have checked…he could have bled to death with me sitting in the room next door with the friggin' solution almost in my hands._

He wiped the tears from his brother's face and lent his forehead against Dean's.

_I could have lost him. How did he expect me to live with that? Why didn't I just stay with him?_

His little voice twisted his own knife. _Because he had finally given you some peace. _

_---_

Sam sat, the tears running down his face as he tended to his brother's wounds oblivious as the salt from his tears mixed with Dean's blood, causing it to nip. "God sake, Dean, I can't believe that you did this, I can't. Why Dean? Don't you trust me to save you? All I need is a little more time, just a little Dean and I will fix this, I promise."

Deep down, looking at the wounds, Sam knew that Dean's attempt hadn't been serious…a spur of the moment impulse rather than a thought out act…if it had of been he wouldn't be sitting here closing the wounds. Somehow though, that thought, didn't make this any better.

Sam was using butterflies to close the wounds hoping that they would be enough and that he wouldn't have to stitch his brother. He was right were Dean was, at his absolute limit and he wasn't sure that he could take much more either. He finished the job and lifted Dean up into his arms and pulled him to him. "I know that you can't hear me but I want you to know that I won't give up on you ok?" He gently rubbed his brother's back, feeling it as Dean relaxed into him. "I won't leave you like this, even if we can't solve things in time to break the spell I will solve it, I'll find another way ok? Just please…don't give up on me…just don't."

Dean could feel his brother's tears on his face, Sam's cheek pressed hard again his. His brother's embrace was crushing him but he managed to pull away and searched for Sam's hand.

'Not your fault. I'm sorry.' He tapped the simple words out.

Sam replied. 'It's ok.' He gently pushed Dean back to lie flat on the bed and pulled the cover over him. He tapped 'rest now' on Dean's hand and then keeping hold of it sat down against the headboard. Dean tapped 'you don't have to stay' to which Sam replied 'I know' and then settled down anyway.

Bobby watched them from the door and then move forward and retrieved Dean's knife from the bathroom floor.

Sam looked over. "Put that somewhere safe."

"I though I already had."

Sam stared catching something in Bobby's tone.

"What?"

"The other day…Mags was here and he was just sitting with this in his hand…I took it off him…I was worried…I put it in your duffle. How did he get it back?"

"_You_ put it in the duffle? He told me he couldn't find it…I thought he had done it by mistake…you knew he was thinking about this?" Sam tone was accusatory.

"No. I just wasn't happy, that's all." Bobby looked at the ground.

"Why the hell didn't you say something to me! I friggin' well gave him it back! Why didn't you say?!" All the strain of Sam's day was directed at Bobby.

"It was before _she _came…I forgot to mention it."

"You forgot to mention it! Bobby! I gave him it back, he could have killed himself and you forgot to mention it!" Dean stirred and Sam tried to quiet himself.

"Next time."…he said in a low voice…"try not to."

He closed his eyes and felt the guilt sting him for his harsh words, if it wasn't for Bobby he wouldn't have gotten this far.

He opened them to apologise but Bobby was gone.

The shuddering sigh worked its way up all the way from his toes and he let the tears come again.

---

Bobby sat and watched as Sam sheepishly emerged from the bedroom the next morning unable to miss how strained and tired that he looked. Sam walked over and poured some coffee from the pot.

He spoke without turning. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to blame you. It was just such a shock, you now, what he did…I lashed out…I really am sorry."

"Water under the bridge. Mags will be here in an hour, I've told her what we have to do…she'll help."

Sam turned and smiled. "Thanks Bobby."

He poured Dean a cup of coffee too. "I'd better go and let him know then, what we found…what we want him to do." Sam paused. "How can we do the ritual when he's like this? How will he cope?"

"How can we not Sam if there's a chance we can fix him, if there's a chance we can end his pain here and now…or do you want to just give him back the knife?"

Bobby didn't want to do this either, Sam could see it in his eyes…they weren't a hundred percent sure it would work but they had to try…they both knew it because at the end of the day…it just might.

Sam sighed, walked to the room door and turned. "I'm going to kill her. You know that don't you? I don't care who or what she is. I swear. I'm going to take his knife and cut her heart out with it." With that he went in to wake his brother.

Bobby hadn't really saw it before but he did now, in that one moment of Sam's absolute cold rage against the woman that had hurt and crippled his brother so badly. In that moment he saw just how alike the Winchester brothers really were and for the first time he almost felt sorry for the bitch that had done this to Dean because she was going to pay for it, and pay hard.

---

It took Sam almost the full hour to explain to Dean just what they wanted him to do and he made sure that Dean knew that it might not work, he needed his brother to be absolutely clear on that. Sam couldn't know that someone else had already tormented his brother with that doubt.

Dean didn't think he could do this, didn't think that he'd cope all the way through but after last night he felt he had something to make up to Sam for, so he agreed. He'd let them try even though the very thought of it terrified him.

---

Mags had arrived and they now had a bag of Dean's blood to use in the ritual. After the previous night she was reluctant to take anymore. She had checked his wounds, praised Sam on his handiwork yet again and offered to sedate Dean…he refused. Sam had tried and failed to talk him round.

He led his brother to the circle and sat him in the middle. He watched as Dean stripped off his shirt and then he helped him lie down on the floor.

Dean gripped his hand and tapped it.

Sam paused, tapped 'you sure' and squeezed Dean's hand in reply.

Dean nodded.

He picked up the old fashioned cuffs and fastened them on his brother's wrists and then took both of Dean's hands, firmly gripping them in his, he tapped ' you ok' and Dean closed his eyes and nodded. Sam looked to Bobby and they began.

Sam could feel the slightly tremors through Dean's hands as Bobby drew out the first of the marks on his chest, he watched as his brother's breath hitched through him, and he could feel his panic begin to build.

---

Dean was back in the attic, every touch of Bobby's hand awaking more of the memory in him. His tremors turned to full blown shudders and he felt what he knew was his blood rubbed over his chest by Bobby, following the lines of the marks. He almost lost it completely as Bobby cut his toe nails, not as bad as having them ripped from him but he had almost forgotten that part and Bobby's touch brought the memory thundering back.

---

Sam sat there, watching as Dean bucked slightly as Bobby touched his foot. Sam freed a hand and stroked Dean's forehead, gently brushing his brother's hair, trying to keep him calm but he could felt the panic in Dean rising.

The electricity from his horror at reliving this crackled in the room.

Sam brought his head down to Dean's whispering unheard reassurances that this time would be different, this time there would be no pain.

---

Dean thought his heart was going to falter as Bobby gently turned his head to the side. He really, really didn't think anymore that he could do this any more, panic and fear changing swiftly to outright terror.

That was why he had said to Sam before they started that no matter what, he was to make sure Bobby finished it and he knew that Sam wouldn't let him down, no matter how much it grieved Sam to hold him there.

---

Dean tried to pull away, Sam could see that his nerve had broken, that it was all too much, too soon. He looked at Bobby.

"Finish it. No matter what…he wants us to finish it."

Sam had to pin Dean's head to the floor to let Bobby pour the liquid into his ears, tears drowning him as his brother trashed about trying desperately now to get him off. Bobby quickly did the other ear.

---

Sam was gripping his head, holding it steady to let Bobby put the drops in his eyes and Dean reached up and closed his hands on his brother's shirt. His grip was so tight that it drained all the colour from his hands.

It wasn't working, he knew that but he couldn't let them know that…he had no way of letting them know that.

---

Finally Bobby forced opened his mouth, his jaws locking in spite of himself and then, finally, it was over.

He felt Sam free his wrists and he was leaning over him, checking his eyes, his mouth so close to his ear that Dean could feel his breathe. He felt the sobs start and couldn't hold them back, instead he curled into a ball and rode them out.

---

Sam realised they had failed, he had as good as tortured his own brother and it was all for nothing. Dean was still the same. He freed his brother and watched as he curled up defensively in a little ball, painful sobs rippling through him and Sam pulled himself away. He knew that Dean needed him but he just couldn't sit there any longer. He ran to the bathroom and throwing himself on his knees retched until he felt his insides might burst.

He thought it was a good job that he had hidden his brother's knife well or he might have been tempted to end both their suffering right there and then.

He lay there until Mags came to him and pulled him to his feet, steering him towards the bed. Dean lay on the other, a cover already over him. Mags pushed Sam down and he felt a small sting and realised that she had given him something.

The last thing he saw was Bobby worried and tear streaked face hovering over him before he sunk into darkness


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

A little more explained a little more to wonder on in this one and a little more to worry about too!!

Thank you for the reviews, I'm working today and tomorrow so I will update them later...just wanted to post this before I went. I'm glad that so many people like this and have taken the time to review, it means a lot!

Mary x

Two Halves Of The Whole

He lay on his back, eyes cast towards the window, feeling the sun on his face as it's warmth snuck into the room, easing the chill within him. He was gathering himself, his thoughts, his feelings and his strengths….sorting them back to their proper places in the scheme of things…bracing himself to take and face this day head on. He checked the little clock at the bedside and then forced himself to get up and rummaged through the duffle that sat at the foot of his bed.

His shirt was clean and the jeans would do so he pulled clean underwear from it, stood and headed for the bathroom.

The warm water was welcome on his skin and he stood there just letting it wash over him, calm him, soothe him. He stood there until the water ran cold and then he got out, got dressed and then walked through to the other room.

He took a bottle of beer from the fridge, opened it and then fumbled for the outside door, this part of the route still unfamiliar to him without his sight to guide him. He smiled as he found the handle and then he stepped outside, moving to the side to find the hand rail in case he tripped on the steps. He reached the top step and slowly sat down, resting his head against the post.

He knew that Sam was there before he even touched him.

A gentle brush of Sam's shoulder against him confirmed that his brother was indeed already there. Sam took his hand and tapped 'great minds'. Dean put down his bottle and tapped back 'fools seldom'

They sat there for a while both enjoying the gentle warmth of the spring sun. It was Dean the finally broke the silence. He tapped his query out on Sam's hand and then sat, waiting for his brother's reply.

Sam shot him a quizzical look. "Ok, I need a minute." Sam walked down into Bobby's yard and collect what his brother would need and then came back to fetch him. He guided Dean round the Impala and showed him the bucket and the hose and then asked if he wanted him to stay.

The flicker on Dean's face was brief. He shook his head. Sam walked back to the door and watched as Dean leaned for a moment on the car, resting his arms on her roof, gently rubbing his injured arm and then he rested his chin on them. He watched as Dean closed his eyes, gathered his thoughts and then suddenly he pushed himself off the car and reached for the bucket.

Sam watched as his brother started his task and then he slipped inside, he picked up his laptop and pulled the chair over to where he could see Dean and then started to search for details on the Smith family, any history on the house and took another look at the photos from the house.

---

Bobby came through. "How are you doing?" He eyed Sam with concern and was thrown by the smile that greeted him.

"I'm fine…better this morning."

"Is he still sleeping?" Bobby jerked his head in the direction of the bedroom.

"No, actually, believe it or not he's outside washing the car."

"What? How'd you get him to go do that?" Bobby walked to the door and watched as Dean methodically worked his way round the car, washing a panel at a time and then rinsing it to make sure that he didn't miss anything.

"I didn't, he was up and dressed, met me out on the porch…he asked to do it."

"I don't get it. I mean two nights ago he was all but broken....."

"He was broken Bobby, but she made a mistake…I think she pushed him too far, she made him do something that he never thought that he would ever do.

She made him give up hope.

He'd reached rock bottom Bobby, there was nowhere else for him to go…fight or die…he wobbled but I think for now he's chosen to fight…he's not right Bobby…in fact he's a long way from right at the moment…but he's trying again and for now that's going to have to be enough."

---

Dean was terrified, his hands shook and the sheen of sweat on his forehead was not from his exertions alone. This time though he was not going to surrender to it, this time he would work through it. He resisted the urge to slump against the car instead he concentrated on it and only it… the feel of the metal under his hands, the curves of the design.

He could hear it starting, her voice in his head but he was ready this time…sort of. He fought his panic down, humming a few of his favourite songs in his head, changing them every so often so that he had to re-focus his concentration. It was working…he could still hear her…still hear the threats and the promises, the panic tapping at him, but he was working through it this time. He finally finished the car and then he did slump down at its side but this was not an action of defeat. She had challenged him and he had finally risen to that challenge. He was out here alone and he had finished what he had set out to do.

A genuine smile lit his face.

If he'd had a voice thought he would have screamed a minute later. His brother touched his hand to his shoulder and squeezed it. Sam was left feeling slightly guilty as Dean raised his hand to his heart and sighed. Dean went to stand and Sam took his good arm and pulled him up. He grabbed Dean's hand and tapped ' I found something, we're going out.' Dean took the jacket that his brother offered him, shrugged it on and felt his way to the car door.

The car dipped once more letting him know that it was just him and Sam that were going.

He froze as his brother placed his sheathed knife in his hands. He wondered just what his brother had found.

----

Sam pulled the car to the side of the road outside the house and walked round to take Dean's arm as he to stepped from the vehicle. Sam led him to the trunk and pulled out the crow bar, a torch and his gun. Dean tapped 'where are we' on Sam's hand and could help notice the hesitation as Sam rested his hand on his before tapping ' at the house'.

If panic had a face and could smile at him…Dean's just did.

He nodded and Sam led him up the steps and in through the front door. Dean realised that he had no memory of this house other than the events in the attic and his brother's rescue of him. He had no idea of size, colour or condition. He wondered again how two woman had managed to get him in here and up all those stairs that he had had to come down to the attic…surely the basement would have been easier…they could have just dropped him in. He grabbed for Sam and tapped the question 'is there a basement' on his hand. Dean couldn't see the quizzical look on Sam's face. 'That's were we're going' Sam tapped back. He almost laughed as Dean raised his eyebrows and his mouth formed an 'o'.

Sam stopped outside the door and put the crowbar to the lock.

The door to the basement swung opened and Sam turned and handed the crowbar to Dean using the hand that that freed to guide Dean to the top of the steps.

"Do you want to stay or come?"

Sam tapped and waited for the answer. Dean pointed down into the basement, the cool air giving him his direction, and Sam slowly started to help him down the stairs.

Once at bottom, Sam switched on the torch and scanned the room. He took Dean and tapped 'here, one minute' on his hand. He saw Dean tighten his grip on the bar but he nodded, stepped back and lent against the side of the staircase.

Sam slowly stepped forward and looked around. A table at the end had a collection of books and candles on it. He cast the light over the floor, it was loose gravel and he noticed it looked as if the bit near where he was standing had been disturbed. He walked forward and knelt down, starting to dig with his hands. His hand had almost closed round the small tin box when he heard something and a movement in the corner near the stairs caught his eye. He pulled his gun and then shone the torch up the stairs.

They were empty.

He pulled the light to the side and realised that the movement had been Dean. His head was turned to the stairs and it was almost like his brother had heard something. Sam dismissed the thought and he turned back to the box he was trying to unearth. Dean hadn't heard anything, but he had felt the movement of the stairs as someone stepped on them and he had turned towards them instinctively. He waited for them to move again but there was nothing and he relaxed a little.

_Starting to freak a little here Dean…keep it calm…you can do this. _

He started to hum a tune in his head…started to relax a bit more…and then the staircase moved again and he knew it was her…as she passed him the smell of her perfume filled his head. He took two steps forward and swung the crowbar hoping that the head he connected with would be hers and not that of his brother. The swing was wild and she had already bent down and grabbed Sam, the cloth in her hand, soaked with chloroform, now pressed tightly against his face.

Dean's swing had unbalanced him and he crashed forward, tripping over the two kneeling figure, dropping the bar as he put his hands out instinctively to save himself.

His left hand caught her hair on the way by and he tightened his grip, rolled them both and then pulled his knife out with his free hand, bringing it to rest against her throat.

Pain filled every nerve in his body as she fought back. Her assault on his mind was brutal, she burrowed into him, filling his head with an agonising pain…but still he hung on. Sam righted himself but before he could come to Dean's aid his brother turned the knife quickly in his hand and brought the hilt crashing down hard into her head. He brought his hand up to his head as the noise inside it quietened, rocking slowly to soothe away the last of the pain. He felt Sam grip him, tap 'you ok' but he couldn't even nod for the moment, frightened that the action would bring the pain back. Sam pulled him to his feet, steadied him and then led him back up the stairs. He tapped 'I'm bringing her up' and then he was gone.

Dean was sitting with his hands holding up his head when Sam was finished, his palms pressed into his forehead still trying to ease the last of the pain. Sam knelt down before him and gently lifted Dean's head up, taking in the paleness of his brother's face.

"Dean, it's ok. You did it, we've got her." He tapped 'did good' and was rewarded with a weak smile.

"Brother isn't looking too good there, is he?"

Sam turned. "Better than you're going to look soon."

He looked at her.

This was the woman from the bar, he guessed that she was probably about his age, her long dark hair flung back over her shoulders and her eyes wild, staring not at him though…she was staring at Dean, almost as if she is trying to get inside him. Sam realises that somehow that is exactly what she was trying to do and distracted her.

"Why? Angela' mom and her sister, I get that…I don't accept that the punish meets the crime but I get that they perhaps see their sister and daughter as wronged somehow…but who the hell are you? Why are you helping them? Are you family?"

She smiled. "Oh you could say that…you see I am Angela's mom"…she paused to let that little gem slip home..."I'm the little part of her that really hates your brother…but your wrong on one thing…this isn't really about what he did to Angela…it's about Audrey…and what he took from her and what she took from me…because of him. I lost everyone that I ever cared about and it all traces back to your brother. Don't you realised where this house sits…don't you get how I did it? It's right in your face hunter."…she pointed at Dean…"he would get it, probably would have seen it right away. This house sits on an old crossroads and that tin you dug up, the one that you've got in your hand…that's the thing that gave me the power that I needed to pull this off."

She stopped then and smiled.

"Oops, seems like confession time is up…the real mommy's home…and boy…is she cross with you two."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Hi

A little bit of the how in this and a fuller explanation of the woman in the bar - hope you like it! *crosses fingers*

Thanks for the reviews, I love how blood thirsty and impatient you lot get when someone hurts the boys!! More scary than hellhounds on your tail! lol

Reasons To Be Vengeful

Sam was too late turning, he felt the hand against his back and his gun was taken from the waistband of his jeans.

"I see you found the tin and I just bet Marion is filling in the blanks for you…I always did have a big mouth on me when I was younger."

Sam looked at both the woman, having both to compare you could see the similarity in their features. One woman just a younger version of the other.

"How?"

He turned to face the older one, the one that had tried to fry him at Bobby's.

"I made a deal." She walked over and freed her companion. "With what little money I had left I bought this house a little less than a year ago because of the rumours and guess what…they turned out to be true. This house is very special you know, it has a very special resident in it." She smiled at him. "Play nice and I might let you meet her too. See she made me an offer that I couldn't refuse, she gave me the power to hurt your brother, bring him to his knees and she showed me how to do this." She touched the other woman's hair.

"What is she?" Sam asked.

"She's a doppelganger…of sorts. A full younger, tougher, harder version of me. All the rage and hate I have for your brother…it's all in her…she's the dark side of my soul. The demon showed me how to summon her…make her real. I couldn't do this on my own…I mean your brother does have standards…low ones but still. I could never have drawn him here in the way she did. She's magnificent…wild and utterly ruthless…everything I ever wanted to be."

It dawned on Sam. "The summoning symbols in the circle in the attic. That's how you did this? So the crossroad demon made you into some kind of witch?"

She nodded. "Something like that. She gave me what I wanted and I gave her me. I didn't even want the ten years she offered. I only asked for one."

Sam looked at her. "You made a deal with a crossroads demon just to get back at my brother? Isn't it all a bit extreme, selling your soul, maiming my brother just cause some crazy man killed your daughter? My brother didn't do anything…he's as much a victim as you are."

Anger flared in her eyes and she raised his gun. "Sit." He did as he was told and the younger woman tied him and pushed him into the chair.

"I had nothing left to live for. I made a deal because not only did your brother sleep with both my daughter's but he destroyed Audrey and let Angela die. Audrey told me…all of it…everything. She told me how you were there that night…funny how your brother managed to rescue you but let my daughter die…the daughter he professed to love and then cheated on with her sister when she was dying. Your brother's actions took everyone that I loved from me…my daughters, my husband…all dead. I couldn't cope, I lost my home, my job…everything. This…"…she waved her hand around… "..is all I had left…well that and the burning desire that I had to see your brother suffer…I cut him off from everything…threw him into a world of complete isolation….just like me did to me… I laughed as he cowered at my feet…and it was so easy 'cos even still your brother hasn't learned his lesson…he's still a cheap slut. Still just out to get what he wants."

"Your crazy you know that…a certifiable nutbag. Do you ever think maybe your family killed themselves to get away from you?"

She clawed his face. "What would you know about it…what would you know…I bet he never even told you what happened…'cos it meant nothing to him…Angela and Audrey where just something for him to pass the time with."

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "He told me everything that happened…Angela was already too badly hurt to save when he found her and as for Audrey…well that just kinda happened…he was upset…she was upset…grief makes you do stupid things."

She laughed and it chilled him. "Maybe I'll use that excuse too? What do you think? Grief made me do it? Oh and I bet he hasn't told you everything, definitely not the best part…in fact I know that he didn't because he doesn't know it. Not yet anyway…but I will tell him it…before I finish it for him."

"You're not gonna touch him." Sam spat the words at her.

"Oh you're right, at the moment, I'm not, but you on the other hand." Sam felt the hand clamp over his face and the smell of the chloroform hit him again, he tried to struggle but the younger Marion was freakishly strong. His struggling weakened as the effect kicked in. The last thing he saw was Dean raise his head as the older Marion walked towards him.

"Leave. him. alone. you. bitch."

----

Bobby pulled up outside the house behind the Impala. Sam had asked him to go to the library and check a few things and those things had brought him right here. He stopped and looked at the house's position in the street, then he walked up and round it. He pulled the copy of the plans from his pocket and turned studying the layout.

"Yep, trust Dean to end up in a house that sits in the middle of a crossroads. Damn boy is jinxed." He folded the plan and walked to the door.

The scream from the attic caused him to draw his gun and hurry inside.

He slipped into the house via the back door that was lying unlocked.

----

Sam screamed as the knife dug into his skin again. Her long hair hung over her face, a look of rapture on it at the noise that he had just made.

"You scream almost as good as your brother did." She twisted the knife in her hands above him and he recognised it…it's was Dean's.

"What have you done to him?" His panic pushed down the pain.

"I haven't done anything to him…not this time…but my other half didn't get to have any fun with him then so she might be making up for lost time."

"I'm going to kill you both, you know that." She could see the rage contained in his eyes.

"Oh I don't think so. I don't think you'll be in a fit state to harm anyone when I'm done with you." She started the chant and Sam realised what she intended to do as she lifted the cup and ran the liquid over his chest, the burning sensation taking his breath away for a minute.

"Now you get to see how it feels. See exactly what your brother is going through."

She rocked back on her heels and Sam shut his eyes. He opened them again as he felt her weight land on him and looked up into Bobby's grinning face.

"Don't think much of your date…bit on the buckets full of crazy side if you ask me."

"I didn't…thanks." Bobby unfastened Sam and they pulled her into the circle and secured her in his place. He hissed as he pulled his shirt back on. "Where's Dean and the other one?"

Bobby looked at him. "I don't know. Haven't checked the whole house though…you screaming like a girl distracted me."

"Funny. She's got my gun and she's got my brother. We need to find them Bobby."

Bobby pulled another gun from his jacket. and Sam laughed in spite of everything. "Always the good boy scout Bobby, huh?"

"That's me." He headed for the attic stairs and Sam pulled himself back up and hissed. Bobby turned.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, let's just find Dean ok?" He followed Bobby out the attic.

A search of the whole house brought nothing…the only place left was the basement.

---

He could hear her in his head except he wasn't sure who she actually was.

"I can help you Dean…what she did to you…all the hurt and pain that she left you in I can reverse it. I can give you back you sight, your hearing, your voice and all it would take is a little yes."

_Who are you? _He was sitting in the basement, his head hurt from where Marion had hit him and he knew that his arm was bleeding, worse this time than before. He just wanted her to go away, wanted to close his eyes and sleep forever. He knew that whoever she was he shouldn't be listening to her but at the moment he just couldn't get away.

"What do you say Dean. Say yes and I'll heal you and you get ten years out of the bargain. Isn't that a good deal Dean? Don't you want to say yes?"

It was the word 'deal' that wormed through to his senses. He opened his eyes and stared as if he could actually see her red ones.

_Go away._

She smiled. "You sure Dean?"

_Leave me alone. No deal. _

She heard noises up above, knew that it was his brother. "Your funeral…maybe even Sam's too…I mean who's gonna stop her hurting him? You? Don't think so."

He turned further towards her, she could see she'd hit a nerve. He hesitated longer this time.

_Go away. _

"Well if you're sure but remember if you need me all you have to do is say the word…or think it and I'll seal the deal for you."

She ran a finger down his cheek and vanished as the basement door opened.

---

Sam went first, he pulled off to the right and Bobby went left. Sam had stopped to pick up his torch from the living room and he shone the light round in a sweeping arc. The basement was huge, the full size of the house's footprint and the torch did reach all the way into the corners.

He stepped slowly forward, trying to watch for any signs of movement in the darkness beyond the light's reach. He had almost completed searching his part of the basement when Bobby called.

"Sam, I've got him." He almost fell over he turned that quickly and hurried over to were Bobby's flashlight now illuminated the face of his brother. Dean's hands and feet were tied. She had written one word on his forehead. 'SOON' Sam reached over and wiped Dean's head, worried as his brother barely responded to the touch. He realised that it was blood on Dean's head and he quickly checked his brother over pausing as he came to the already damaged arm. She had opened up his wounds again and added a third, deeper than the two that Dean had inflected on himself but not deep enough to have hit anything major.

Sam freed his brother pulled Dean up and together with Bobby got him upstairs. Bobby fetched both first aid kits from their vehicles and Sam repatched Dean's arm. He looked at his brother sitting there so quiet. 'ok' he tapped. Dean looked up and then nodded. 'fine' he tapped back. Somehow Sam seriously doubted that.

Bobby had re-emerged from the basement with two books in his hand and had been sitting going through them.

"Found the ritual that she used on him and a few other books on black magic that she's been going through… thankfully nothing too heavy but it would pay to take precautions."

Bobby looked at Sam.

"What?"

"I think I know who the wronged party is, I also think I know why now and not at some other time. Looks like we need to go dig up another grave only thing is I couldn't trace where she was buried. Think we should go ask sleeping beauty upstairs?"

Sam nodded.

"So the wronged party…who is it?"


	17. Chapter 17

This should fill some gaps!

Sam uses one totally justified bad word in this and shows his ruthless side. He is a Winchester after all!!

Thank you for all the reviews, I just can't get time to answer then all, so I apologise but please keep them coming 'cos I read and love each one. Mary xx

Death Becomes Them

Bobby pulled a few newspaper clippings and a few other pieces of paper from his jacket and laid them out on the table in front of him.

Sam was sitting on the couch, his brother sitting quietly by his side. Sam had to ask him again if he was ok, Dean just nodded. Sam briefly wondered if Marion was tormenting him again but he didn't seem stressed just…quiet and distracted.

Sam sighed and turned his attention back to Bobby as he started to speak.

"Seems Marion and Audrey didn't have their sorrows to seek. We know that Angela died July 19th 1997, Marion's husband Robert Smith killed himself on the 5th anniversary of Angela's death…story says he left a note stating that he couldn't cope with the grief anymore. He had spent a lot of the time in between at the bottom of a bottle but slipped off the wagon just before he did the deed. Marion went off the rails a bit then…moved in with Audrey and her husband for a few months and then returned home."

Bobby paused and sorted his cap on his head.

"Audrey married her boyfriend one month after her sister died. They had been dating but I don't think they'd been together long, I couldn't find an engagement announcement…just the marriage thing and there was a little story on the wedding 'cos of what happened to Angela… you know tragic sister finds love thing…seems that it was all pretty rushed. Audrey had a little girl the next year, which I think was maybe why the rush, they called her Jane Angela. Seems by all accounts…according to the neighbours and the main article that I found…that they were pretty happy."

He handed Sam the cutting about the marriage and the story behind it, and the one on Robert's death.

"The main article is quite enlightening. The newspaper guy had talked a lot to the neighbours…lots of quotes…so some of it's maybe gossip but it says that Marion seemed to be coping after she moved back, neighbours say that she was always out with her grand daughter, but then the insurance company finally settled their case and refused to pay out on the death claim 'cos Robert killed himself. Marion wobbled again after that, lost her job. That's when Audrey and her husband moved in with her. According to the cutting…things were ok for a while until Christmas 2005 when Audrey's husband was killed in a car accident…went off the road in poor weather…hit a tree. They got money from that but it wasn't a lot and in June they were forced to put the house up for sale. Neighbours say that Audrey just didn't get over her husband dying like that. Says in the article that Audrey spoke to one of the neighbours after the accident…said that it happened because she didn't deserve to be happy. Think that kinda sums up her frame of mind."

Bobby looked down at the newspaper cutting in his hand.

"Audrey Smith is dead. She killed herself on Jul 19th 2006, the ninth anniversary of her sister's death. Marion found her and her grand daughter in the garage…she gassed herself and the girl. I think that was what finally tipped Marion's scales. The story in the paper says that Marion was devastated by her daughter's death but it was the granddaughter's death that finished her…seems she doted on her…she became really strange and distance after it happened….six weeks later she moved here."

"God. So it's Audrey we're looking for then?"

Bobby shook his head. Sam looked at him puzzled. "Not Audrey?"

"The day Dean was attacked wasn't random. It would have been Jane's birthday…April 9th 2007…she would have been nine that day if Audrey hadn't…you know. Audrey had taken the last person on this earth that Marion loved from her, and then with Audrey dead too there was only one person left to blame…in Marion's warped eyes anyway ….cause her bad luck all started when Angela died."

Bobby paused and Sam looked at him. "Dean."

"Yep…now I reckon that Jane Angela Smith is the wronged party here, she didn't do anything to deserve what happened, she's dead because of her mother's guilt over her sister and her grief over her husband. I'm almost sure that it's her death that Marion wanted revenge for, Audrey failed her and killed her granddaughter after all...why would she want to get revenge for her? I can't find anything in the burial records for Jane's grave though…newspaper just says that she was interred with her mother in Greenhill's Cemetery on the outskirts of the town. I just don't know where the body is to get what we need and without that…there's no way to save Dean."

"I don't get it though…surely if Dean wronged anyone in Marion's eyes it was Audrey not Audrey's daughter? Surely its Audrey we're looking for?"

"Sam."… Bobby hesitated… "did Dean ever….I mean did he ever say to you anything about him and Audrey…you know…being together?" Bobby looked slightly embarrassed.

Sam finished for him. "Marion Smith caught Dean and Audrey together the night Angela died." Sam mistook the look that crossed Bobby's face. "It's not what you think."

Bobby threw Dean a look and handed the final clippings to Sam. He briefly skimmed through the story that Bobby had just outlined to him on the first one, Audrey and Jane's death having been a huge thing in the small town they lived, and then he turned to the second one. He looked up at Bobby.

Sam's brain finally caught up with what Bobby was trying to tell him. "Wait…Audrey had a eight year old daughter?"

"You see it too?"

Bobby watched as Sam looked down at the picture again and then raised his hand his mouth. The photo he was staring at was of Audrey Smith, her husband and her daughter and in his mind there was absolutely no doubt that this little girl and his brother were related. Audrey's husband was fair headed, and had a similar complexion to Dean but it was a more feminine version of his brother's face that stared back at him in the form of a little girl, her smiling face framed with long sandy coloured hair. The little girl was beautiful…and if there was one feature that convinced Sam that this was his niece, it was her eyes…the same eyes Sam had looked at almost every day of the last twenty odd years…not as pained nor as guarded but still…she had his brother's eyes.

"Fuck." Sam looked up at Bobby.

"Yeah."

"Do you think he knows?" Sam sighed.

"No idea but we're gonna have to ask him…'cos if he does he might know where she's buried."

Sam looked up from the cutting. "He won't know where she is."

"How'd you know that?"

"'Cos he thought that Audrey might be the one that did this to him and if he doesn't know that she's dead...."

"Hell...he doesn't know that the girl's dead either." Bobby felt his heart glitch a little.

Sam closed his eyes. "Let's try the bitch upstairs…she should know…after all it would be her that buried her…well the other her at least."

"If she does and we fix this are you gonna ask him?"

Sam looked at his brother. "I have no idea…probably. If he doesn't know already he's got a right to." Sam turned back to Bobby. "God I hope he does know…but if he does why didn't he mention it?"

Bobby raised his eyebrows. "Well that one's easy…because he's Dean."

Sam smiled a half smile at that. "Yeah." He looked at the newspaper cuttings again trying not to think that the little girl in it was his niece, a niece he'd never get to meet. A thought struck him as he re-read the article. "Wait Bobby this says that she was interred with her mother?"

"Yeah…so?"

"Well what if they mean that literally…she's in the same grave?"

Bobby took the cutting back and stared at it. "I swear all this is getting to me, why the heck didn't I think of that. I'll go check with the cemetery…there should still have been a record though somewhere. I'll check the marker stone too."

"Thanks Bobby." Bobby stood to leave but Sam stopped him. "Could you take Dean with you?"

"Why? What are you gonna do?"

Sam picked up the ritual book from the table. "I'm going to have a chat with Marion and she if she'll talk and if she doesn't"…he looked at the book in his hand…. "I feel I need to practice this ritual again before we do it to Dean." He picked up Dean's knife that now sat on the table and walked over to his brother, touching his head and making him jump.

Bobby walked over and took Dean's hand and tapped out 'we're leaving'. Dean stood and Bobby helped him to the door.

Dean stopped at the front door, almost sensing that his brother wasn't with them. He tapped 'Sam' on Bobby's hand.

'Going to do research.' Dean hesitated, turned, and for a moment Sam could have sworn that his brother could see him 'cos he was staring right at him; then Dean turned back and let Bobby lead him out to the door.

---

Sam walked into the attic and closed the door.

"Think it's time that you and I had a little chat." He opened the book and set the knife down on it. "You even saved me the bother of mixing this up." He lifted the cup containing the liquid that she had poured over him. "Should be enough here for what I want to do."

"Crippling me won't save your brother you know, she'll come for him…torment him and then she'll kill him and you won't be able to stop her…hell he might even kill himself when he finds out what she knows."

Sam smiled. "What? That Audrey's daughter is his? He already knows." He revelled in the look of uncertainty in her eyes.

"How did you find out about that?"

Sam held out the picture. "Did you think we wouldn't see it? I've told him…he knows."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care."

Sam used the knife to cut open her shirt and started the ritual.

Marion laughed. "I hope she makes him suffer…I hope it's long, drawn out and painful."

"May it will be….but you know what? You won't be able to hear it, see it or speak about it when she does. I think that I need to practice the ritual before we try it on my brother again….after last time I want to make sure that I've got it just right."

He held up the little piece of Dean's hair that he'd cut downstairs.

"You wouldn't." He was pleased to hear the touch of panic in her voice.

"Why…you were going to do it to me." He smiled a cold smile and leaned in. "You were the one that did it to my brother."

She screamed as he brought the knife down against her skin.

---

Bobby was just on the edge of panic as Sam arrived back.

He watched as Sam walked in and collapsed into the chair. "Well?" He looked at Sam and noticed that although his appearance was calm and collected…his hands were shaking.

Sam sighed. "Didn't talk. Where's Dean?"

Bobby went to say something then shrugged. "Mags called by, she's with him now, checking his chest wounds again. They're nearly healed…we don't have a lot of time left."

"Did you get the location of Jane's grave from the cemetery?"

"Didn't get yet…Mags called and we headed here first instead. I figured that I could leave Dean with Mags and do the search on my own…quicker that way…especially if I had to dig."

Sam looked at him.

"Do you think that they'll be alright here on their own with Marion still out there?"

Bobby smiled. " Oh my money would be on Mags if Marion came calling…I have seem her in full flow…it's not pretty."

Sam laughed gently. "Good then I'm coming with you." He pulled a bag from his jacket and set it down on the table.

"What's that?"

"A lock of young Marion's hair, figure we dig up Audrey and her daughter…put all three in the mix…this time I'm not taking any chances we'll fail."

Bobby looked at the hair. "And just what did you and the young lady talk about if not finding Jane?"

"Oh I showed her that she not the only one that thinks a wrong's been done and then I left her with a choice, something, thankfully, she didn't give Dean." Sam looked at his hands.

Bobby had been walking to the bedroom to speak to Mags but something in Sam's voice stopped him.

"A choice?"

"I freed one of her hands and I left her Dean's knife…she seemed pretty fond of it."

Bobby just nodded and went through to tell the doc what was happening.

---

She knelt down beside the younger version of herself and gently pulled the knife from her carved chest then she cradled her head on her lap. A little howl of anguish escaped her and she brushed the hair from her face.

She sat there staring at the words 'finish it' written in blood on the floor until her tears stopped, then she stood.

Walking to the attic door, she wiped the knife in her hand on her trousers and then she turned for a final look.

"You know that I will…this ends soon…but I'm a patient person…I've waited this long a few more days won't hurt. I'll wait until they think that they've got him back, that he's safe and then I'm going to end the Winchester bloodline just like they caused the end of mine."


	18. Chapter 18

OK Time to get this show on the road and dig up a way to help Dean – pardon the pun!

Sam little ruthless streak carries over to his brother, just so your warned!

But it's all good…trust me!!

Thanks again for the reviews! Mary xx

Hey There

Bobby glanced over at Sam as he drove.

The younger man had turned in on himself completely. Bobby knew that part of that was what he had learned tonight about Jane and the thought of having to tell his brother that, firstly he had a daughter and then that she was gone. Bobby knew that it was a poor thought to have…but he was glad that the responsibility wouldn't fall to him.

Bobby was worried as well by what Sam had just done but then these woman had all but declared war on Dean…and if there was one thing that John had taught his boys…it was how to fight a battle, just because Sam didn't want to…didn't mean he couldn't.

"You ok in there?" He couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Sam turned. "Sorry?"

"I asked if you were ok?"

"Yeah Bobby…I just want this finished." He turned back to the window and then spoke again. "Dean will be all right won't he?"

Bobby cast him a glance and then looked back at the road. "Sure, we'll get this sorted, we'll find her."

Sam turned. "That's not what I mean…he's suffered a lot in these past few days…and now this. Maybe I shouldn't tell him…just say it was Audrey that we needed to find…he's been so on edge after dad that I'm afraid how he'll react." Sam played nervously with his hands. "What would you do?"

Bobby sighed. "Me? I'd tell him, 'cos secrets have a nasty way of getting out just when you don't want them to…besides if he already knows about the girl…he'll know you're lying to him. I'll go with whatever you want to do though Sam…he's your brother." Bobby looked over again. "It's your call."

"Yeah, my call." Sam went back to staring out the window.

---

Dean had wanted to go with them, he didn't want to just sit here any longer, waiting. That was all he felt he was doing now…waiting to be saved, waiting to be damned, waiting for her to come for him. _So friggin' helpless like this. _He didn't want the doctor here…had told Bobby so, he didn't want anyone else hurt that didn't have to be because of him but they'd insisted and he'd given in…_been doing that a lot lately Dean. _

They hadn't told Dean fully what was happening, he knew that they had tried the ritual with Angela as the wronged person but that hadn't worked and now Bobby and Sam where going to try something else… but Sam had been vague and it was difficult to take it all in via taps on your hand. Dean knew that he should be asking more questions, seeing if he could be of more use…opening up more to his brother, but at the moment, he didn't want answers…at the moment he just wanted results.

He had wondered again why they hadn't tried to get a piece of Marion to try the ritual especially when Sam had been so insistent that it might not work with Angela. He also knew that his brother had most likely gone to find Audrey but Dean wasn't sure how she could be the wrong person either because he had done what she'd asked him in the text so long ago…he'd stayed away…left her alone.

He jumped as Mags touched his shoulder, so lost in thought that he hadn't sensed that she was near. She gently placed the cup of coffee in his hands and he nodded and sipped slowly from it.

---

Sam wiped the sweat from his brow and threw the shovel out of the grave. He glanced up at Bobby and for a moment he almost asked him if he could do this…unsure of how he would feel when he opened the casket…how she would look. It was bones in all the caskets that they'd dug up before now but this would be different…he didn't think that they would have been in the ground long enough. _And she's family in a way._He placed his hand on the casket and hesitated.

Bobby's voice drifted to him. "Sam." He heard the older man drop down behind him. " I've got this."

Sam turned. "No…it's ok." He went to turn back but Bobby caught his arm.

"If she's in there do you really want this image stuck in your head when your talking to your brother? The image of his daughter…your niece"…Bobby searched for a word that wasn't as bad as the one in his head… "decaying in her grave? Out…I'll do this."

Sam went to speak but Bobby stopped him. "Out."

----

With Sam gone Bobby reached down and opened the casket…she was there. Bobby had never felt relief before at finding the body of child and the thought gave him pause. He gathered himself and then cut a bit of hair from both of the bodies in the casket, realising that he should have known just from the size of the casket that she would be here. It was slightly wider than normal…he could see that now that it was opened.

He said a silent little prayer and was about to close the lid when he saw the necklace that she was wearing…he thought that he see it before but he wasn't sure. He stood for a minute more then closed the lid. He got what they came for it was time to get back to Dean and get him fixed before Sam had to tell him about all this…and probably break him again in a whole different way.

---

Sam and Bobby where back, Dean could sense the tension in his brother as he was telling him that they'd got what they needed and then he was gone and the little fingers of panic were creeping through him again. _Just once more Dean…you can do this…hell you've lived through it twice already…third time isn't gonna kill you. _

Still he could feel the sweat as it trickled slowly down his back, and the pang of fear, that he couldn't quite quell, rising in him. _This has to work this time, it just has to. _

_--- _

Bobby was surprised when Sam told them that they didn't need Dean's blood drawn this time.

"But it's part of the ritual."

"I know…trust me on this Bobby…please." Sam finished the prep for the liquid that they needed and took the book, a knife and the cup of liquid and laid them down next to the circle on the floor. He had taken no chances this time. The second bone he had taken from Angela and the hair from the other three Smith woman were all in the mixture that he had made. This time is was going to work…this time he was going to do the ritual exactly how it was written in the book.

He moved back over to Bobby. "I'd like it just to be me and Dean this time when I do this Bobby…do you mind?"

Bobby looked at him. "No…but can I ask why?"

"I just do." Sam looked over at his brother sitting quietly in the other room. "Please."

"Ok. Mags and I'll have a drink on the porch…you can holler if you need us."

Sam smiled. "Thanks. Can I have a quick word with Mags before you do."

"Ok." Bobby took a couple of beers from the fridge and headed outside.

Mags looked at Sam. "What can I do for you?"

---

Sam knelt before his brother in the circle.

He tapped 'you trust me' on Dean's hand. Dean nodded. 'Give me your arm.'

Dean hesitated…realised that something wasn't the same this time…he didn't draw my blood…the panic flared for real this time. _I know what your going to do. He's your brother Dean he wouldn't hurt you…unless he had to. _

The only thing Dean had left for now was his trust in his brother, he wasn't going to let her take that away from him too. He held out his arm.

Sam watched as the drug took it's effect on Dean and then, once he was sure that Dean was under and wouldn't feel it he gently drew shallow cuts over where he knew that she had already cut much deeper. The thought had been in his mind a while…_maybe it failed last time 'cos we didn't cut him. _As he had said to Bobby…this time he was taking no chances…but it didn't mean that he was going to let Dean suffer more than he had to.

Slowly he completed the ritual and then he stood, fetched a cloth and some water and cleaned his brother's wounds before he woke. He went outside to fetch the others and as they came back in he flinched at the look that Bobby gave him.

Together they lifted Dean back into the bedroom and laid him out, Mags sat with him first, checking him over and Bobby gripped Sam's arm. "What did you just do to your own brother."

Sam's voice was quiet. "What I had to Bobby…this will work this time…it has to work this time. It needed to be right."

He pulled out of Bobby's grip and then took Mags' place next to Dean. Bobby and Mags left him there, all Dean had to do now was wake up.

---

His mouth felt dry and his head hurt like a bitch. He tried to sit up but he couldn't…a heavy weight was lying on his left arm and he couldn't free it. He tried to open his eyes but it hurt to much so he gave up and tried to lift his right arm instead. He lifted it over his chest and groaned as a flash of pain ran through him but he kept going until his hand stopped on something that felt suspiciously like hair. Someone's head was leaning on his arm and doing a damned good job of cutting off the circulation to his hand.

He knew that it could only be Sam's head…then he realised that his brother was snoring…the position his head was in…lying awkwardly again his side...was causing Sam to snore…and he could hear it. He hit his brother's head gently and tried to get his voice to work.

" 'm?" _Ok that was more a noise than a word but hey it was my noise and I could hear it._

His heart gave a little leap. He forced his eyes to open and quickly closed them again as even the dull light in the room hurt them.

_OK that wasn't so good._

He tried his voice again.

"Sam?"

_Better that time Dean…a whole word that he might even have heard if he was awake. _

He nudged his brother again.

"Sam?"

_That's better, sounds more like me, Christ my throat hurts. _

This time he raised his arm up and brought it down on his brother's head as hard as he could, letting gravity play it's part.

"Ow." Sam moved, slowly sitting up and stretching the kinks out of his back. He looked over, Dean was lying with his head turned to him, his eyes still shut. He leant forward and touched Dean's head.

"Dean, can you hear me?" He gave his brother a gently shake, holding his breath as he did.

"You…killed…my…arm." Sam froze. Dean's eyes flicked open and Sam was staring into his brother's eyes…his brother's own green eyes. Sam felt the tears sting his own.

Dean smiled. "Such…a….girl."

_It worked, it worked, it worked. _Sam could hardly concentrate for the little mantra that was running through his head. He smile a huge smile at his brother.

"It worked!" Finally he found his own voice. "It worked. How you feeling, can you see ok… can you hear me ok?"

Dean tried to laugh as his brother's excitement changed to concerned badgering but it came out a cough and that caused his chest to hurt again.

"Water." He choked the word out.

Sam went to fetch a glass of water and ran smack into Bobby on his way in. Bobby took one look at Sam's face and didn't have to ask.

"Sleeping beauty awake then and talking I guess?"

Sam nodded. "Just getting him some water."

Bobby walked in and grinned as Dean was trying to get himself up and out the bed.

Bobby helped him sit. "Easy there tiger…you've had quite a night. Hear you've got your voice back?"

Dean croaked. "Yeah."

"Oh God." Bobby rolled his eyes. "I was kinda enjoying the peace and quiet you know."

Dean coughed and hissed again. "Love…you…to."

"I know you do kid. It's good to have you back in one piece." Bobby surprised Dean with a small hug and then the embarrassment spread across Bobby's face and he cleared his throat and stood. "I'll get Mags…she stayed so she could check you over when you woke."

Sam passed Bobby on the way back in and handed Dean the glass…smiling as Dean batted away his attempt to hold it for him. Dean drank a few sips and then looked down at his chest and then back at his brother.

"Dude…what did you do to me?" He grinned as he asked.

Sam crossed his arms. "Sorted you so you could snark at me apparently."

"Yeah? Thanks for that."

Sam grinned. "Your welcome."


	19. Chapter 19

A lot of info and closures in this and little back story again.

And yes I apologise....cliffhanger warning!

Discovered In A Graveyard

"For someone that's found his voice he's pretty quiet." Bobby observed as he sat with Sam at the table.

Dean had gone to get cleaned up.

"Give him time…you boys all have to push too hard you know that?" Mags was packing up her stuff after given Dean the once over and an almost clean bill of health. His ears and his speech seemed to be fine but the light hurt his eyes, causing her not a worry but a slight concern. She had given him drops as she thought that they were a bit dry.

"I'll warn you now if you have to call me out to the boy again and I find that it's anything you two caused…"…she snapped her bag shut… "I shan't be happy. D'you hear me?"

"I think the dogs three counties over can hear you, lower your voice woman…we'll be gentle with him…for a while at least." Bobby grinned at her.

She turned to Sam. "Sam?"

"Huh? Oh yeah…go easy on him…sure." Sam's thoughts were running to just how the things he had to tell Dean would apply to the going easy request.

Mags touched his shoulder mistaking his concern. "He'll be ok…just take a while to adjust back to normal."

"Yeah…thanks." Sam stood and hugged her.

"Anytime." She picked the bag up and headed for the door. Bobby walked her out. She got to the car and turned. "You need to watch Sam too you know…this has been tough on him as well."

Bobby nodded. "I will…thanks again Mags… I owe you."

"Dinner always works fine as a thank you." She smiled at him and started the jeep.

"Well that's a date then." He stood back to let her swing the jeep around, watched until she had driven out the yard and then wandered back inside.

---

Dean was dressed and washed and sitting at the table next to his brother when Bobby walked back in.

"Sam don't take this the wrong way but your kinda still covered in muck and you stink." Bobby took in the state of the younger Winchester completely for the first time.

Dean laughed. "Yeah, why don't you go get cleaned up and I'll make us some food now that I can see what I'm doing. Go on…get."

Sam stood. "We need to talk."

Dean's eyes were serious but he kept his voice light. "Ain't nothing that can't wait the extra twenty minutes it'll take you to go get clean. Go...I'll get the coffee on at least."

"Ok." Sam walked through to the bedroom, grabbed some clean clothes and then went into the bathroom.

Bobby chose this moment to make his excuses. " I've got something I've gotta go check. I'll be back in an hour or so."

Dean couldn't help feeling that Bobby was trying to get out of the way. "So just what it is that Sam wants to talk about that has you running?"

"That's for him to say. I've got my phone if you boys need me."

Dean threw him a look. "Ok."

----

He had made the coffee and sat back down at the table.

He picked up the travel book that was lying there and leafed through it, stopping as the picture of him and Angela fell out of it. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment or two before placing it back inside and shutting the book.

Bobby's jacket was lying on the table and Dean went to move it over to the other chair when the small bundle of newspaper cuttings in the inside pocket caught his eye. He picked them out and slowly began looking through them, stopping as he came to the last one.

He read it twice, almost in disbelief.

He went into the bedroom and grabbed his jacket and his gun. Rifling his brother's jacket he took the car keys and went out to the car.

He sat for a moment, thought about leaving Sam a note and then decided against it.

He gunned the engine and pulled out of the yard, the car tyres screeching as he went.

---

Sam was surprised to find both Bobby and Dean missing when he walked back through. He searched the kitchen and looked out into the yard calling out to them but there was no reply.

He turned to check the table for his phone and realised that Dean's cup was still sitting on the table, it was then he noticed the papers next to it.

His heart skipped a beat as he realised what had happened.

"No, no, no, not like this." Sam walked over and snatched the cutting up.

"Not like this."

He crumpled the paper in his hand and picked the phone up from the table. Dean's number went straight to voice mail, so he called Bobby.

"Where are you?" He almost shouted down the phone.

Bobby sounded surprise. "I thought I'd get out your way for a while. What's wrong?"

"Dean's gone." Sam wanted to throw his head back and scream.

"What do you mean he's gone?"

"The cutting…he found the cutting when I was in the shower…I think he's gone after her on his own." His voice was just this side of panic.

"Shit." Bobby swung his truck round in the road. "Stay there I'm on my way back."

---

They made record time on the way to the house, Bobby jumping lights where he could…mercilessly pushing the truck's engine…and all the time Sam sat in the passenger seat, his mind churning, just hitting redial on his phone for Dean's number…swearing quietly each time he got the voice mail.

Sam was out almost before the wheels had stopped turning, pulling his gun and running through the front door of the house.

"Sam! For god's sake wait up." Bobby came crashing through the door behind him.

Sam turned to face him. "You start at the top and I'll work my way up to you."

Bobby didn't even get a chance to reply before Sam was gone. "Damn it. Sam!" There was no answer so Bobby headed for the attic. " He's not gonna be here you know…there's no car." He felt the need to check anyway.

He opened the door to the attic and was surprised to find it empty although the words written on the floor caused his blood pressure to spike just a little. "Oh we're gonna finish this alright…just not the way you'd hoped."

They systematically searched the rest of the house but there was no sign of Marion or Dean.

"Where the hell is he? If he didn't come here where the hell would he go?" Sam was pacing like a caged animal, his distress clearly showing on his face now. He knew that he needed to calm down…that he couldn't think straight like this but he couldn't manage it.

"I _just_ fixed this and now he's gone. Where did he go? Why didn't he take me with him?" He ran his fingers haphazardly through his hair.

Bobby grabbed his arms and stilled his motion. "Sam! Calm down. We'll find him, in fact, I think that I've a fair idea where he'll be."

"Where?"

"Well if you read that cutting where would you go first…if not here?"

Sam cursed himself. "Shit…the cemetery."

---

Dean parked up the car and got out.

He walked slowly into the graveyard only realising his mistake as he walked to the first row of headstones and stopped. _Idiot…you don't know where they are. _

The cemetery wasn't that big but still…it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack without the plot number…_and you don't have the plot number Dean!_

He sighed and pulled his phone from his jacket and switched it on, noticing the missed calls from his brother. _Bet he knows the damn number! _Dean went to hit the button to call Sam back as her hand reached round him and took the phone away.

"Hello Dean." She reached under his jacket and pulled his gun. "Firearms in a cemetery…what is the world coming too? Walk forward and I'll tell you where to stop. I take it you have come to pay your respect to my daughter and yours?"

He turned slightly but she dug the knife she had in her other hand into his back. "No looking Dean, just walking."

"How did you find out?" He walked slowly…figuring things out as he went. "I know she didn't tell you…so how?"

She smiled behind him. "I knew you knew about her…my slutty daughter's little bastard." She felt him tense. "Well that's what she was."

"Don't talk about her like that!"

He went to turn but she dug the knife deeper, cutting flesh this time. "What do you care…you didn't bother to even come and see her…your own flesh and blood and you couldn't be bothered…use them and lose them…that's your motto eh Dean?"

"You know nothing about it. Audrey asked me to stay away…so I stayed away."

"So she told you she was pregnant….asked you to stay away and you did? Wasn't that convenient for you? Bet you were glad to get off the hook that easily weren't you?"

"Yeah, convenient…guess that's what you would see." He spat the words at her.

She stopped him as he reached the grave side… Dean felt his heart crush a little bit. _I stayed away to keep you safe…I'm sorry._

The grave was open before him. "You dug them back up…why?"

"Need to know only Dean." She chuckled. "I know you visited them once…I saw you…you haven't really changed that much…nearly ten years later and I still knew it was you. It must have been just after Chris, her husband died…what where you there for if you'd promised to say away? Surely not thinking of playing happy families with her? I supposed at least you both would have waited this time 'til the person was actually dead." She pushed the gun into the back of his head.

"Kneel down."

"Make me."

She laughed."Ok then."

She brought his gun butt down on his head and he fell forward, almost falling into the hole, saving himself at the last minute by bracing his hands on either side. She pushed his head forward and put the gun to the back of his neck. He could feel the tremble in her running through the press of the cold steel.

_She's barely holding it together._

"What were you there for?" she asked again.

"I wanted to let her know…"…Dean's voice failed him for a moment and he had to clear his throat before continuing… "I wanted to let her know that I was sorry about Chris. We were in the area when it happened, my dad saw the notice."

She sounded puzzled when she spoke next. "Why would your dad care if her husband was dead or not?"

Dean couldn't help smiling…at last something he knew that she didn't. "Chris's uncle…the one that only visited once a year and always missed him…not his uncle…like I said I promised that **I** would stay away…my dad on the other hand…he visited her every Christmas, a few other times as well, he let me know how she was."

Her voice was cruel as she spoke next. "Did he now…that was so sweet of him…shame that he didn't go that day instead of you…maybe this whole sorry state of affairs could have been avoided?"

Dean was sure that he wasn't going to like the answer but he had to ask. "Why?"

"Well if you hadn't visited that day, I wouldn't have seen you and put two and two together. You see after that whenever I looked at my beautiful, sweet, loving grandchild…all I saw was **you…**the person that lured my daughter to the lake that night…the person that seduced my other daughter…got her pregnant and then left us to raise his mistake**. **The person that I hate more than anyone in this world."

She cocked the gun and lent down to him. "I fought it you know…I did…I tried to forget what she was but I couldn't. She was the last thing that I truly loved on this planet and you had to go and destroy that for me too. I just couldn't take it anymore…I couldn't look at her anymore."

Dean felt her tears splash onto his neck.

"That's why I had to kill them. That why I'm going to kill you too."

---

_1997_

_John sat with the phone in his hand, he'd been there a while just staring, looking at the words in front of him…reading the text that had been meant for Dean…the one that he hadn't told Dean about…yet. _

_He had gone to see her, this girl…he needed to know what she wanted…the text said not to contact her, not ever, but John didn't believe that someone would drop something like she had in Dean's lap and not expect him to try and see her. What he hadn't understood was…this was the sister…so when… how had this happened? _

_She had told him everything, explained that she had just wanted Dean to know…that he had a right to know…but she was marrying someone else…her boyfriend…her boyfriend she has slept with after she knew she was pregnant. _

_He had to tell Dean…he just didn't know what to say. _

_--- _

_1997 _

_Dean was sure that his dad was still punishing him somehow and for something, but he was no longer sure what. _

_John had sent him on this hunt alone…Dean knew that he wanted him out of his sight…that he was avoiding him…that he was angry with him. _

_That's why he had had to go alone, why his dad had sent him to finish this hunt alone…and he had…he hadn't failed him this time…he'd finished the hunt the way he was told to…and now his dad was sitting across from him with a look in his eyes that Dean for once couldn't read…and it scared him. He felt as if his father was going to cut him loose. _

_"Is it done?" _

_Dean nodded. "I finished it. He's dead." _

_Dean wondered why his dad wasn't more pleased…hell he had done what he'd asked him to and yet he was distracted in some way…listening to Dean's answers but not really listening at all. _

_"Dean." John looked down at the phone in his hands. "I have to ask you something and I want the truth." He looked up briefly before dropping his eyes again. _

_Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. If his dad couldn't look him in the eyes then this was bad…real bad. The question threw him though when John asked him it. _

_"Did you sleep with Angela's sister?" Dean watched as his dad turned over the phone in his hand. _

_"Yes, but it…." _

_John cut him off. "I don't want the details." He paused and then handed Dean the phone."She sent another message for you." John looked up as Dean lowered his eyes to the screen and he wondered how Dean had avoided this happening to him before…but he knew that his son was careful…so how the hell it had happened this time. John had dreaded a moment like this but somehow he always thought that it would be Dean telling him…not the other way around. _

_He watched the look of shock that crossed Dean's face as he read the message._

_His son looked up at him, suddenly looking a lot older than his eighteen years and yet the fear in his eyes made John want to go to him and hug him to him like he was a little child. _

_Dean's voice was strong though when he spoke. "I have to speak to her…find out what she wants me to do…needs me to do…what I can do for her." _

_John felt a little swell of pride in the reaction but then he realised that he hadn't expected anything less. He cleared his throat. "I already have." _

_Dean looked at him. "You already have what? Spoke to her? Decided something else for me? What?" The anger spiked through his voice. _

_John held up his hand to fend off the attack. "I went to see her, I wanted to know what she wanted from you Dean, why she had felt the need to tell you." _

_Dean laughed and John flinched at the slightly bitter tone in it. "What…she wanted to be honest with me and you went to nail her with it? Did you think that she was trying to trap me? Were you checking if it was a serious thing…if she wanted me to leave you and go with her? It was one time, a mistake…she probably told me because I have a right to know dad." _

_Dean stood and went to walk away but John stopped him. "She's getting married, her boyfriend thinks it's his…she wants you to stay away." _

_"Well we don't always get what we want dad…if anyone should know that...it's me!" _

_"Dean." John tightened his grip. _

_He felt the fight drain out his son. "I just want to talk to her dad ok?" _

_" Call her first." _

_--- _

_John watched as Dean walked out of the bedroom at Bobby's with the phone still held in one hand and his duffle in the other and for a moment he thought that this was it…he was going to lose him…that he was going to leave. _

_Dean threw the phone at him and hitched his duffle up onto his shoulder. "So…we going to go get Sam or what?" _

_Dean wouldn't look at him. _

_John tried hard not to sound relieved. "Yeah, I'm packed…I'll just leave a note for Bobby." _

_Dean sighed. "I'll wait in the car." -_

_--- _

_Dean only spoke three words the whole way to Pastor Jim's place. _

_"Don't tell Sam."_


	20. Chapter 20

HI there

Sorry for the delay in this one, I only have a few more chapters written after this one so I've slowed it down a bit to give me finish the story.

Well what happens in the graveyard....

Thank you all again for all the reviews, I love reading them especially at work, cheers me up.

Mary xx

Dark Day

"You…you what?"

She could barely hear him he spoke so quietly but she could hear the incredulity in his voice. He'd turned half way before she stopped him. "She was your daughter…and your granddaughter…_how could you?"_

"You don't get to judge me!"

She pushed the barrel hard against his neck again and pulled the trigger……

……and the gun jammed.

Dean turned quickly, trying to stand, raising his arm and knocking the gun into the grave as he did. She screamed at him and swung at him with her other hand that she held the knife in. Dean dodged and lost his footing, felt the knife scrape his cheek. He was so close to the edge of the grave that he was falling now…into it…desperate for anything to stop his momentum he grabbed at her and his fingers closed round her jacket…he tightened his grip and they both fell in.

He went in first, the impact of landing on the casket knocking the wind from him and then she landed on top of him. She was quicker to recover than he was, using the side of the grave to pull herself up to her knees and raised the knife again. His outstretched hand found the gun, his fingers closed round the grip and he brought it up as she thrust down. The bullet caught her in the throat, stopping her forward motion momentarily. She seemed to fall sideways though and then gravity took hold once more and she fell to the side of him.

His brain was trying to take in the fact there were two bullet wounds in her neck when Sam's voice calling him from above made things a whole lot clearer. Sam had shot her from the graveside at the same time as Dean had tried to.

"Dean! Dean!" Sam was in the hole with him now, checking him over. "Are you hurt? You face...your bleeding."

Dean pushed him off. "It's a nick…help me out of here."

Sam sat back, got to his feet and pulled Dean up. Dean groaned, his back hurt like hell where it had connected with the casket.

Sam caught his face and looked into his eyes. "Are you sure your ok? What's up with your back?"

Dean just looked at him. "Please…out first…talk later."

Sam looked round and seemed to take in for the first time where they were standing. He called to Bobby to give him a hand out and then he turned and pulled Dean out. Sam watched as his brother staggered over to the next grave and dropped down, leaning gingerly against the headstone until the pain in his back eased.

Sam walked over and dropped to a crouch in front of him. "Are you ok?"

Dean nodded and brought the gun up in front of his face, examining it. "She tried to shot me…but the gun jammed …when I picked it up though it fired."

Sam took the gun from him and checked it over. "So you tried to shot her with a gun that had just jammed, there's clever thinking for you!" Dean shrugged and Sam snatched the gun out of his hand. "Can't see what would make it do that." He looked at Dean. "It shouldn't have jammed."

Dean looked at him. "Well it did…I know that it shouldn't have…but it did."_ Maybe somebody was looking out for me. _He didn't voice the thought but Sam caught the glance that Dean gave Audrey and Jane's grave.

Neither of them spoke for a moment just a little look that passed between them. Sam thought his brother…for once…had been lucky tonight, Dean had other thoughts completely.

Bobby broke the silence. "Does it matter? It didn't fire, you're here and she's gone…and so should we be. Her car's outside with the other 'her' in it. We could bring her in here… bury them both in the grave."

"NO!"

Bobby and Sam started at the violent reaction. "She's not getting buried in their grave ok? We'll find some place else…don't really care where." Dean pulled himself up, walked towards the grave and stopped.

"But it'll be a lot easier…." Bobby was cut off mid sentence.

"No." Dean walked over to him. "She is not getting buried in this grave ok?" His voice was low and edgy. "The cellar, in the house she had, is loose earth…we'll take them there."

"But why I mean after all it makes sense to leave them here." Bobby just wasn't prepared to take no for an answer.

Dean looked Bobby straight in the eye. "No. This is her fault. She did this."

"What?" It was Sam's turn to join the conversation.

Dean sighed. "She did this, she told me…she killed them. We are not burying her with them, no discussions…let's just get the damned body out of there." He looked over at Sam. "At least she'll get hers… the place where she's going…dad'll already be there…eternal damnation with a pissed off John Winchester – couldn't think of a more fitting end for her. "

Sam stood stunned for a moment, unable to speak or move. This woman had killed her own daughter and grandchild, he could hardly believe it but it was true, he could see the pain of her confession in Dean's eyes.

He didn't speak, just dropped himself over the side of the grave. He lifted Marion onto his shoulders and then Bobby and Dean helped him to lift her free. Sam watched the way his brother wiped his hands on his jeans after touching her, he felt like doing the same.

Dean walked over and picked up the shovel that was still lying there. "You go ahead to the house…I'll do this."

Sam went to step forward to protest about leaving his brother on his own again but Bobby stopped him. "I need a hand with her, can't lift her to the car on my own." He lowered his voice for the next part, stepping closer to Sam. "He'll be ok on his own, he needs to do this alone."

Sam looked as if he was going to argue again and then he just dropped his shoulders and nodded.

He went to help Bobby but he stopped and turned to his brother.

"Did you know?"

"What? That Jane was mine?" Dean looked over at the grave, turning slightly so Sam couldn't see his face. "Yeah…so did dad. I didn't know that she was…"….he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck… "that she was gone though." He couldn't bring himself to say the word dead.

Sam felt a little bit of anger coarse through him but he killed it, now was not the time. "Did you ever get to meet her?"

Dean's voice broke as he replied. "Only once."

"I didn't" He tried hard to keep accusation out of his tone.

"I know." Dean's voice was quiet, hoarse almost.

Sam walked over and put a hand on his brother's shoulders, trying to ignore the hitch that he could hear in Dean's breathing. "We need to talk."

"I know…just not just now…I will…later…I promise."

"We'll meet back at Bobby's?" Dean nodded and Sam went to help Bobby.

---

Dean stood there until he was sure they were gone and then he gently lowered himself down in the grave again.

He knew it was a bad idea but he wanted to see her. He pulled the casket open, then wished he hadn't, his tears starting in earnest this time and he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

As he went to close it over the little necklace round her neck caught his eye and he lowered himself fully down to his knees and reached out, turning it in his hand.

_God, this was mom's. I've got a picture of her wearing it. Dad bought it for her as a wedding present. He must have given it to Jane. _

Dean knew how much this little piece of jewellery had meant to his father and how much Jane must have meant to him for him to part with it. Somehow that made the pain in his heart worse.

_I wonder if he knew you were dead and he couldn't tell me? _

He knew that he couldn't have though even as the thought crossed his mind, dad had been with him and Sam at that time, hunting the demon…finishing it.

He couldn't keep the thought from his mind. _I hope you've gone to a better place than he has._

His grief threatened to take him and he chose action to force it into submission. He closed the casket down and scrambled out the grave.

Grabbing the shovel back up he threw the first load in.

_I'm sorry. For everything. _

He didn't stop again until the task was done.

---

Sam and Bobby had drove to the house in complete silence, Bobby not knowing what to say and Sam not trusting himself to talk.

His emotions were fighting with themselves.

He was heart broken for Dean…for the way that his brother had found out that Jane was dead but he was angry too that Dean had never told him about her.

Why had Dean only gone once to visit her?

Why hadn't he told him?

He would have visited her, got to know her. The fact that his dad had know too irked Sam.…yet another secret that his family deemed necessary to keep from him, but at least this one didn't involve him directly.

He wondered quietly if there would be anymore still to come. There was one that he could think of, one that he would ask his brother about shortly.

He worked silently beside Bobby as they dug up the cellar, still lost in his thoughts, trying to ignore the glances that Bobby cast his way every once in a while. He had nothing he wanted to say...at least not to Bobby.

---

Dean had beaten them back to Bobby's.

The fact that they had had to dig and then fill in their grave delaying them, that and having to wait until dark to get the bodies inside the house.

Sam trudged wearily into the kitchen, his eyes coming to rest on the table there.

---

Dean had come back and thrown his knife and gun onto the table in the kitchen.

He had fetched Bobby's good bottle of whisky from the cupboard and the sleeping pills that the Mags had given him. He rolled the pill bottle in his hands for a moment before popping the top and then used almost half the bottle of whisky to wash them down.

He shrugged off his jacket threw it on the chair and then went through and crashed on the bed not even bothering to undress.

---

Sam froze as his eyes took in the half empty whisky bottle and the pill bottle sitting next to it.

He almost ran forward and grabbed it up, relaxing though as it rattled in his hand. He spilled out the contents and realised that Dean had only taken two…albeit with the world's longest whisky chaser.

He breathed his relief that his brother had only been seeking a temporary oblivion and not the one that Sam had feared.

Sam said goodnight to Bobby and walked through and sat on the side of his brother's bed taking in his tear stained face. A force of habit made him touch his hand to Dean's forehead to check his temperature, a need to check that his brother was ok, even in this small way.

He sat then for a little while and watched Dean's drug induced sleep, it still uneasy despite the tablets and then he pulled up the covers and sorted them over his brother.

"Rest easy Dean, you need and deserve it…but we're still gonna talk in the morning...I still want to know why."

He stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers and slipped into his own bed thinking that sleep would be a long time finding him but when Bobby checked on them half an hour later both Winchester's were sleeping…each lost to his own thoughts.

Bobby shook his head, walked back out and sat down at the table. He picked up the half empty bottle and sighed.

"I gotta remember to hide the good stuff better, boy always did have good taste."

He finished what Dean had started.


	21. Chapter 21

HI folks

Well not much of this to go now, this one and one maybe two more.

Hope you like this, a Sam and Dean moment.

Let Go

Sam turned over and took in the empty bed across from him and sighed.

He glanced at his watch.

6.30.

He rolled himself out of bed and staggered to the bathroom, his muscles complaining at having to move. He quickly showered, hoping it would cleanse his mind as well as his body, and moved through to the living room, stealing himself for running into his brother. He needn't have bothered…Dean wasn't there.

Bobby was sitting pouring over a book and the smell of gun oil filled the air.

"Morning." Sam threw himself down in the chair opposite Bobby. "How long's he been up?"

Bobby looked up. "I got up at five thirty and he was finishing cleaning the guns so my best guess…probably since four."

Sam picked up a book and idly flicked through it. "How is he, in fact where is he?" Sam looked around as if expecting his brother to appear from thin air.

Bobby smiled. "Him and I…we had a little talk. He seems…fine…well maybe not fine, fine but you know what I mean. Dean hasn't thrown anything or broken anything yet so that's always a good sign…so yeah… I'll stick with his words…he's fine. Having said that, he's outside ripping the guts out of the car, says he heard a rattle or something yesterday and wants to find it. Me? I just think he's avoiding you for as long as possible, working up to talking to you…so the poor car is getting dismantled for no damned good reason at all."

"I should go talk to him then." Sam stood and Bobby caught his hand.

"No."

"No?" Sam looked puzzled. "I shouldn't talk to him?"

"No…you should go _listen_ to him. He has a lot to tell you I'm sure…he can't do that if its you that's talking."

Sam thought for a moment and nodded. "Ok, oh wise one…I hear ya."

Bobby stopped him again. "Remember that it's you he wants to talk to….not that little bit of your dad that you both carry about inside…no guilt trips Sam…no accusations. I think your brother for once did something 'cos it was best for him, don't take that away from him, that's all I'm saying."

"Yeah." Sam poured out two cups of coffee and then headed for the door.

Bobby's voice stopped him again. "Oh, tell him _I've_ got the crow bar if he's looking for it…and that trunk lid on the Impala? It's the last one I have…he'll know what I'm talking about."

Sam's confused look made Bobby smile.

"Just tell him."

Sam shrugged and went outside.

----

Dean's head was buried under the hood of the car and Bobby was right…Dean had most of the guts of the car out and they were lying on numbered bits of newspaper along the workbench beside where his brother was working. Dean was nothing it not methodical when it came to the Impala. Sam could never refer to the car as Dean's baby normally…and especially not today...yeah definitely not today.

"Brought you a coffee."

Dean brought his head up too fast and rattled it off the underside of the hood. "Sonuva…" He glowered at Sam. "Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that Sam…give me a friggin' heart attack." He careful stood up this time and rubbed his injured head.

Sam sighed. _Well that started well. _"Sorry I thought you'd heard me. Here." He offered out the cup as a peace offering.

"Well I didn't. Thanks." Dean took the cup and slipped it, watching Sam as he did.

Sam slumped down the side of the car, leaning against the driver's door. "Bobby says to tell you that he's got the crow bar and that the lid on the trunk's the last one he's got. Is there something wrong with the one you put on her again?"

Dean coughed into his coffee and a fleeting little smile crossed his lips. "He did, did he? Na there's nothing wrong with the lid. Anyway…."…._here goes_… "….what can I help you with?"

Sam swallowed. It wasn't like Dean to be so direct, normally he would avoid giving Sam an opening to talk and yet here he was handing one to him.

It had been so different after dad, when Sam had wanted him to talk to him then Dean had clammed up, hiding behind that famous Winchester snark. Sam wondered if maybe not been able to share his feelings at all had affected his brother more than he thought.

He watched as Dean walked over to the bench and wiped his hands, then he turned and leaned on it staring straight at Sam.

_Come on little brother, out with it. I know that there is no way that your gonna let this conversation not happen…so let's just get it over with…now…before I change my mind. _

It was Sam for once that side stepped. "How you feeling?"

_Great opening bat Sam…ask me something that I can't answer. _

Sam picked up on Dean's hesitation and altered the question. "I mean your hearing and stuff. Is it back to normal?"

Dean walked over and slid down the car beside him. "Pretty much."

The silence hung in the air for a moment and then it was Dean that broke it. "So…what do you want to know?"

Sam was caught off guard again. "I…I don't really know. I suppose…how did you find out?"

Dean dropped his head. "Dad told me."

"Dad? How'd he find out?" Sam played with the handle on his cup as he spoke.

_So he didn't tell dad and not me, dad knew first._

Somehow that made Sam feel better, less angry at having been shut out.

"I had her number, I had called Audrey a coupla times for Angela…you know to come get her. I phoned after we…after we got caught. I wanted to see if she was ok but it just went to voicemail…so I sent her a text. She finally sent one back, but dad had the phone back by then. Dad told me about, she was asking me to leave her alone. He questioned me on it but I didn't tell him then, you know…about what we'd done…I thought why risk another silent treatment for something else that I'd done wrong, that he was never gonna find out about." Dean laughed a wry laugh. "I shoulda known that it would come back to bite me…always does."

"So she didn't tell him on that text…how'd he find out?"

"We'd been hunting the guy that did it…you know…killed all those girls, attacked you…and then dad sent me out one day on my own, told me he had something to go do. He was acting odd…I thought he was still mad at me about before, that he didn't want to be with me yet. It turned out to be a long day…I didn't see him for the next week. He told me when he got back."

Sam thought for a moment, pausing to let it all sink in. He had a question to ask and he didn't know whether to do it now or later.

He decided now was as good a time as any._ Just get it over with Sam!_

He pulled out the cutting that he'd shoved into his back pocket a few days before and handed it to Dean. "I found some stuff on the killer in the papers." He handed the cutting to his brother.

Dean tensed. "So? The guy was found dead…I already told you that."

"Yeah, someone knifed him in the back with a hunting knife, that's right isn't it?"

Dean turned to him. "Yeah…this questioning got a point?"

_He knows._

"How'd you know about the knife Dean?" Sam took the cutting back. "Police thought that he had an accomplice that turned on him so they never revealed the cause of death…yet you knew it Dean." Sam paused not really sure if he wanted Dean to answer or not. " Did you kill the guy Dean or was it dad?" Sam knew that it hadn't been their dad, something in his gut told him it, but still he wanted to give his brother the out...to see if he would take it.

Dean looked away.

_He's asking you to be honest with him Dean, he already knows, all your doing is confirming to him, that his brother murdered someone. _

"He'd killed two more girls before I found him Sam. That was my fault…and then there was Angela and he'd hurt you...and it was all my fault." Dean paused for a moment, the memory filling his head and his heart. "He was cutting a girl up when I found him…she was dead and it was my fault Sam…I could have stopped it…if I'd have just stayed there that night…did what dad asked."

Sam stopped him. "No Dean it wasn't your fault…it was that maniac that was taking teenage girls and carving them up's fault. You did what you had to do to him Dean."

"I didn't just stop him though Sam, I didn't just shoot him. I stabbed the guy to death…I wanted to hurt him Sam, really hurt him…I…I wanted him to feel what it was like." Dean stopped. "I enjoyed it Sam." The little confession was made quietly.

"It doesn't matter now Dean…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have brought it up. I just wanted to know." Sam could feel his brother's pain at what he'd done.

Dean dragged his hand across his face. "Well now you do. Feel better for knowing that Sam? I murdered someone Sam…hell if you think about I just did it again."

"No, you didn't. You stopped a monster and as for Marion, she got what she deserved…don't forget I shot her too."

He put his hand on Dean's arm but his brother shrugged away.

Dean's change of tone made Sam look over again. "What else do you want to know? What else can I tell you…ask now Sam…and then that's it."

Sam could feel Dean's anger rising and knew that his brother was using it to fend of the tide of emotion that was sitting just under the surface waiting to drag them both under. He knew that if he didn't hit this just right his brother would explode and he may never find out the answers he wanted, that he needed.

He went back to safer ground. "So dad knew first then?"

Dean lent his head back against the car and closed his eyes…retreating inside his head. "Yeah."

Sam waited.

"He went to see Audrey, find out from her what was happening before he told me." He turned to Sam but kept his eyes closed. "He shouldn't have you know…it was my problem to solve not his, but you know dad."

Sam almost laughed. "Yeah, control freak. What did she say to you when you called?"

Dean's sigh was deeper this time. " I phoned her…I wanted go see her but dad had told me she was getting married and I didn't want to just turn up and put my foot in it you know…ruin something else for her."

Sam tried to cheer his brother up a little. "Yeah, Winchester disease…no cure for it…we've all got it."

Sam smiled as Dean gave a small half-laugh, half-snort. "Yeah… in spades."

"So you phoned her?"

"Yeah. She didn't want me to go see her anyway, she had just wanted me to know, felt that it would be something else that she'd done wrong if she didn't. She only asked me that one thing, just not to contact her at all. Dad had asked her if he could stop by and see her once Jane was born…that kinda surprised me, her too I think 'cos she told him yes but then dad could be a charmer when he wanted to"

"So dad went to see her and you didn't. I know why you didn't I just don't get how."

"What do you mean you don't get how?" There was that little trace of anger again in Dean's voice.

"How could you not go see her? I'd have wanted to go, to hold her, see what she was like."

Dean turned on him. "See Sam that's were you and I differ, I don't do what I want…I do what I'm asked. It wasn't about me. It was about her."

Sam knew he'd lit the flame but he couldn't back down. "She was your daughter Dean, I don't get it…I want to but I don't. She was my niece Dean…I didn't even get the chance to meet her." His tone had a bitter edge to it that he didn't like but couldn't keep from it.

"Sam she wasn't my daughter, not really…she was Audrey's daughter…Chris' daughter…not mine. All I did was make her mother pregnant that didn't make me her dad. Just cause she had a little part of me in her…didn't give me the right to interfere Sam…it just didn't."

Sam still didn't understand how his brother could have stayed away. He said as much again.

Dean's voice had a hitch in it when he spoke next and Sam knew that Dean was really fighting to hold it together now. He watched as Dean played with his hands, obviously struggling for the words to make Sam understand. "Sam I didn't tell you 'cos if I had, nothing would have stopped you from going to see her and if you had of, then I'd of had to go to and I couldn't Sam…really I just couldn't."

"Why Dean?"

"Well 'cos then she would have been real Sam, flesh and blood, not just a little girl in a picture and I'd have had to walk away at the end of it." Dean wiped his eyes with his hand. "I should never have gone the time I did…I caused this…if I hadn't have finally given in to the longing inside of me to actually see her…she'd still have been here Sam."

Sam knew that his brother was crying now and he wasn't sure what to do. So he did what they always did, he walked away. "I'll go get us a coupla of beers."

He left the 'to give you a few minutes' unsaid but Dean heard it anyway.

"Thanks."

Sam squeezed his brother's shoulder before walking back into the house.

---

Bobby looked up as Sam walked in. "That was quick, you give up or did he hunt you?"

Sam grabbed the beers from the fridge. "He needed a minute."

"Oh."

Sam hovered in the door unsure whether to go back out or give him a minute more.

"That beer'll be warm before you get it to him."

Sam looked at him. "Huh?"

Bobby sighed. "Boy get you're ass back out there and let him get this over with."

"Oh.."

Sam got.

---

Dean was still sitting were Sam had left him, head down…lost in himself.

Sam slipped down beside him again and handed him the beer. "So tell me what happened when you met her…what was she like?"

Tears glistened in Dean's eyes as he looked at Sam.

"She was beautiful Sam…she was just beautiful." 


	22. Chapter 22

hope you like this...I wrote it, played with it, scrubbed it and then re-wrote it, couldn't decide between flashback or Dean talking...flashback won.

I always love you guys' reviews and I would really appreciate thoughts on this. Posting before I change my mind again!!

Brief Encounter

"Dad called me about Chris' accident…I wasn't gonna go….just something inside me wanted to check on them."

Sam looked and sounded confused. "How did I not know about this? We'd been on the road together almost four months by then…how did you go visit?"

Dean grinned a little half-hearted grin. "Remember the night I went to hustle pool, the night you weren't well? I told you I ended up in some girl's house…you assumed the worst and I let you."

"Dean we were more than four, maybe even five, hundred miles away from where they stayed. You mean to tell me you did a round trip to go visit them? How long'd you stay?"

Dean smiled at him. "A coupla hours…but it was worth it…it was worth every single last mile...although I almost didn't go in."

_---_

_2006 _

_Dean was here again…the place he'd swore he'd never come to...but the place where he had been at least twice before and yet again all he could bring himself to do was sit in the car and stare at the house. He had gotten as far as the street where she was living on before and he had driven away each time, scared to spoil things for her, scared to complicate things for himself. He had promised her after all the he wouldn't come but still he found himself sitting here again…just almost out of sight...but almost in reach…all he really had wanted to do before was see her, make sure she was happy. _

_This time though was different. _

_He pulled the cutting out of his jacket, the one that dad had found. The latest tragic event in the life of Audrey Smith. He had wondered about the name but his dad had told him that Audrey's husband was a relative somewhere along the line…a second or third cousin, Chris Smith. _

_Audrey's husband was dead now, he'd been killed in a car crash. It was Chris' death that had drawn him back again, worry for the little girl who had lost her parent. He remember the pain of losing his mother and he wanted to see if Jane was coping…she was older the he had been…it would hurt more…and Dean knew that she would never quite recover…that it would always be with her. He knew too that he couldn't hurt Chris anymore by getting caught visiting them…Audrey would no longer need to explain who he was and why Jane looked so much like him. He really wanted to visit, despite what he told himself and his dad…to see her just once, even if she didn't know who he was. John had told him so much about her and he'd felt a horrid pang of jealousy that his dad had met her, spoke to her…just got to be with her._

_Just once,_ his little voice pushed him, _what could it hurt? _

_His dad hadn't meant to hurt him, he had meant to reassure Dean that everything was alright with her… but his dad had hurt him…to hear him describe how happy Audrey was and how beautiful Jane was tore at something deep inside him…a brief 'what if' raising its head before he chopped it off. He knew that this would not have been their lives if he had been in it…it was too normal for a Winchester to ever get a taste. He would have ruined it somehow, he was sure of that. _

_He had just decided that this was a bad idea and started the engine as she walked out the house to pick up the mail. The noise of the engine made her turn and he knew that he was caught this time. _

_She had recognised the car. _

_He felt his heart start to race and his mouth dry as Audrey walked towards him, a quizzical look on her face. He thought how tired and drawn she looked but then her husband had died just a few months ago so he supposed she had a right to look that way. _

_He got out the car. _

_"Hi." She smiled a little half smile at him. "What are you doing here?" Her voice changing from surprise to concern quickly. "Is your dad ok?" _

_"Hi. He's fine…I just wanted to…I came by to see if you…I don't know." _

_She looked at him. "Don't know what?" _

_"What I'm doing here. Dad's fine." He raised one hand and ran it nervously over the back of his neck. "I heard about Chris. I came…I came to see if you were both ok." _

_She reached for his other hand and it took everything he had in him not to jump at her touch, his nerves almost getting the better of him. "Thanks, that was sweet of you. We're doing alright…Jane misses him though." _

_As if the mention of her name had summoned her Dean watched as the girl stepped through the front gate and walked towards them. He suddenly felt like a deer in the headlights. It was almost too much for him…he had wanted to met her for so long and now he felt that he really shouldn't be doing this, but it was too late because here she was in front of him. The little girl that until now had been just a picture in his wallet was now a living breathing entity in front of him, his daughter in the flesh, and he knew that when he left this time it was going to hurt…a lot. _

_Audrey was staring at him and he was staring at Jane. This was Audrey's daughter…his child and, he thought, she was even more beautiful than in the pictures that his dad had brought to him. _

_She stood behind her mother but he could see she wasn't afraid, just curious. _

_The voice broke the silence, her green eyes…his green eyes looking at her mother. "Mom, who's this…is this one of daddy's friend?" _

_Audrey bent down to her daughter. "No honey, this is a friend of mine." _

_The next question Dean realised was directed at him. "Why are you crying?" _

_Audrey turned and watched as Dean quickly wiped the tears that he didn't realised where there from his face. _

_"Are you sad 'cos daddy's dead too?" Dean could feel the tears threaten again as he heard the little bit of pain in her voice. _

_"Yes, he is." Audrey saved him by answering for him. _

_He watched Jane as she looked at the car and then turned back to him. "That's Uncle John's car, why are you driving it?" There was accusation in her tone and then her face lit up. "Is he with you?" _

_Dean found that he couldn't get his brain to function. She called dad Uncle John, suddenly Dean found himself wondering just how often once or twice a year actually was. _

_Audrey read his mind and answered her daughter for him. "Dean is Uncle John's son, sweetheart." _

_Audrey brought the girl between them and smiled reassuringly at Dean doing a quick introduction. "This is Jane." She looked down at her daughter. "Jane, this is Dean…say hi." She held out her hand and Dean took it, fighting down the emotion that was seriously in danger of bringing him to his knees. He pre-empted the action by sitting back on the car's hood, bringing himself nearer her eye-level. _

_He admonished himself to get a grip. _

_"Hi Jane, it's nice to meet you." He was surprised at how normal his voice sounded when his whole insides where shaking. _

_"Dean?" She pondered over the name. "You're Dean? Uncle John mentioned you before." Her eight year old brain changed tack almost in mid sentence making the next logical leap quickly. "I f your Uncle John's son, does that mean we're related?" Her innocent question stopped both adults this time. _

_Audrey again recovered faster. "Sure does." She turned to Dean. "Your dad's been here a few times, usually only stops for an hour or so, but he swings by whenever he can, although he hasn't been by for a couple of months, just a brief stop at Christmas before…before Chris' accident." _

_Dean found his voice, and tore his eyes away from Jane for a moment. "He's kinda busy just now, I haven't heard from him for a bit either." _

_"Don't you want to come in?" It was Jane that asked. _

_God yes he wanted to go in, spend some time with Jane, get to know her a little but a part of him wanted to just get in the car and go. _

_Audrey sensed the hesitation in him and she took his hand. "Just for a little while…it's fine." _

_"Ok." It was all he could manage and then he was following them into their life and he still couldn't shake the feeling that he had no right to be here. _

_--- _

_Jane came out the kitchen first and bounced down on the couch next to him, so close that he could smell the shampoo in her hair. She handed him the coffee that her mother had made and then turned round and examined him. "When is Uncle John coming by again?" _

_"I don't know, he is kinda busy just now." Dean took a sip from the cup, tried to calm his nerves and relax a little. _

_"Oh." She sounded crestfallen. _

_"You like him then?" Dean tried not to sound too shocked but Audrey still laughed at him._

_ Jane just drew him a look. "Of course…he's funny. Don't you like him?" _

_Dean smiled. "Yeah…but he's my dad, he drives me crazy but I have to love him." _

_He saw the little look cross her face and realised that she was thinking of her own dad. Dean broke the silence straight away this time, he reached out and put a hand on Jane's arm. "So dad's funny is he…I must of missed that side of him…dad…funny… are you sure?" His tone was light hearted and she gave a little giggle. _

_Audrey spoke. "Yeah, your dad tells her all these crazy stories about things he's done. She loves them." She leant across the table and spoke almost conspiratorially to her daughter. "Some of them are about Dean and his brother Sam, aren't they?" _

_Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh god, that can't be good." _

_Jane laughed. "Uncle John talks about you and Sam a lot, those stories are the funniest." _

_"I'll pay you not to tell me what he said." Dean laughed but his head was racing. Dad had told her about him, nothing major he was sure but still, she kinda knew who he was. It made him feel…better. _

_They sat for a while just chatting and laughing and Dean felt himself relaxing a little too much… enjoying the moment too much. She was so pretty and in a weird way she reminded him of Sam, always talking, always asking questions. They pulled the obligatory photo albums out for him and he found himself staring almost jealously at the man that had raised his daughter and then he felt the little pang of guilt follow. This man had raised his daughter and didn't even know. _

_Audrey was quiet but Jane chattered enough for all of them, occasionally asking questions that Dean had to think hard about before answering. He was suprised looking through the albums that there were more than a few of his dad. Yep John had definitely been here more than he'd let Dean know. _

_He'd been there two hours before he knew it and he found that he'd be quite happy to stay there a lot longer, just to watch her, listen to her voice, but he knew he wouldn't…shouldn't stay any longer. _

_He pulled himself up. "I…I really should be going, Sam'll be looking for me, in fact I'm surprised that he hasn't called already." He smiled again at his daughter. "He's a worry wart." _

_Jane laughed, that sweet high laugh. "That's what Uncle John called him too." _

_Dean could almost picture his dad sitting here, laughing and dissing his brother to his daughter…god she really was his…this was dad's granddaughter…Sam's niece. The feeling that he shouldn't be here hit him again._

_"I need to go, really." _

_He headed for the door and Audrey put a hand on his arm. She turned to Jane. "Jane honey, you wait here while I walk Dean out to his car. I won't be long." _

_Jane gave him a small, shy hug,said goodbye and went to her room. It took everything he had in him to walk out the door._

_Audrey didn't speak again until they got to the car. "I'm glad you stopped by…glad she got to meet you." _

_Dean looked at his hands. "She's great. You did a good job there." _

_Audrey smiled. "She's the only good thing to come out of all the madness…and I have you to thank for that." _

_Dean felt his face flush. "And to blame don't forgot." _

_She laughed at him and then grew serious. "It's funny how someone needing you can keep you strong." _

_"It does, doesn't it?" He thought of his brother. _

_"You should come back again…spend some more time with her." _

_His voice almost broke when he spoke. "I can't…really I love to…but I just can't…it would be…too hard." _

_"We'll if you change your mind, you'll know where we are." She lent in and kissed his cheek, surprising him and causing him to blush. She laughed at him again. _

_"I'd…I really…I should go…now." He slid into the car but she caught the door before he could close it. _

_"I mean it Dean…anytime you'd like, drop by…even bring that father of yours with you…or Sam." _

_He looked down and started the engine, pausing for a moment before looking back at her. "I can't…I'm sorry." _

_She nodded and closed the door, smiled a half smile and then headed back to the house. _

_Dean sat for just a moment and then turned the car and drove away. A sad smile crossed his face…this afternoon had lifted his spirits and broke his heart all at the same time. He thought it was strange that he could love someone without really knowing them and then he thought of Sam again and how his brother loved their mother…and suddenly it didn't really seem so strange after all. _

_---- _

"That was the only time I saw her, but she was just so…I don't know…sweet doesn't seem really like the right word but it's close you know?" He stood and walked over to the work bench. "I can't believe Marion did what she did…what kinda sick would you have to be to do something like that…I mean she was just a little girl…she hates me, fine, I get that…I mean we all have to find something or someone to blame when our lives get screwed to hell…but to do that to your own blood…I…" Dean broke off speaking, unable to finish the thought.

"It wasn't your fault Dean, Marion was ill…she'd probably have done it anyway even if you hadn't gone…even if she hadn't seen you…like you said, she was sick."

"Yeah. Whatever dude." Dean walked over and buried his head back under the hood and Sam realised that his moment with his brother was almost over.

He stood and walked over to the bench and fiddled with some of the engine parts there.

"Sam! Please if you don't know what it is and where it goes…don't touch it. I need to get this car back together today." Dean extracted himself from the car again, walked over and pulled the parts from Sam's hands and laid them back on the bench.

"Why?" Sam turned to him.

"Because ,there's a little matter still to finish before this is over." Dean shook his head at Sam's blank stare. "We need to go and do some pest control at the house? The crossroad demon that Marion made her deal with? You just gonna let her get away?"

Sam's light bulb switched on. "Oh."

"Oh indeed, we put her down and then what do you say that we get out of here for a time…just hit the road and see where it leads?"

Dean was back under the hood. Sam walked over and lent on the wing. "Sounds like a plan. When d'you want to hit the house?"

"We'll wait for dark…I should have this finished by then…unless there's anything else that you want to talk about." Sam realised there was no invitation in his brother's voice this time, he was being dismissed.

He turned to walk away and then stopped. "Just one thing."

He heard Dean groan from under the hood. "What?"

Sam walked back and lent on the wing again. "Just for the record…I think that you'd have made a great dad."

Dean stopped what he was doing. "How do you reckon that? Cause I had such a great role model myself? Cause I had so much to offer her…raise her the way dad did us…a life on the road with no home, no money and no friends?"

"No. She'd have had someone that was always there for her when she needed them, that would always have put her first over himself. She would have had someone in her life that loved her unconditionally and would have done anything for her…absolutely anything to make her life just that little bit better each day."

"Really? Do you think that I'd have been capable of that? Do you think that that would have been enough?"

"I know you would have been and that it would have been."

Dean shifted and stared at Sam. "Really? How'd you know this?"

"Well…because that was what you always did for me Dean…still do…make each day just that little bit better than it would have been…if you could do that for your brother I know that you'd have done that for your daughter."

Dean laughed softly. "Sam I need to finish the car ok. I get it I do but I just don't think that your right, that's all. I ruin everything I touch Sam…everything."

"No you don't, I mean it." Sam didn't wait for an answer, just turned and walked back to the house.

Dean lifted his head for a moment and then sighed. "Yeah right." With that he went back to work.


	23. Chapter 23

Back to the house to meet with the crossroads demon!

Enjoy, Mary xx

Oh and evil muse takes a bow in this one!

Dance with a Demon

Dean had come in, showered and changed, and then slung the stuff they needed into the trunk and then shouted Sam. The tone indicated that sharing Dean was gone for the moment he had switched to hunt mode, his focus now solely on the job.

Bobby watched from the porch as Dean worked. It always amazed him how Dean took so little time to shrug off whatever happened to him, somehow managing to bury how it made him feel and move on, but then Dean was John Winchester's son and his dad had never expected anything less of him.

Dean stopped half way through loading salt bags into the car and looked over.

"What?" He walked round and lent back on the side of the car defensively crossing his arms.

"You ok?" Bobby walked down the stairs and lent back on the end post of the rail, mirroring Dean's stance.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Just asking. So, anything else you want to talk about?"

"God no." Dean snorted. "I just want this done so we can get back on the road." Dean pushed off the car and flung the other bag into the trunk. "I just need to get back on the road."

"You know…you boys are allowed to stay here even when you don't need my help or aren't injured. You do know that right?"

Dean slammed the lid down. "I know." He paused. "I really owe you this time, if you need us for anything…."

"I'll holler, don't worry." Bobby walked over and stood beside him. "If you need someone to talk to about this other than Sam…you've got my number and you know where I am."

Dean cleared his throat and smiled a half smile. "Thanks…but I'm good…really."

Bobby shrugged. "You know your brother's right don't you?"

"About what?"

"About everything."

Dean laughed it off. "He always is, he's the smart one… or so _he_ seems to think, god help us if it was true though."

Bobby laughed.

Dean looked up to the house. "SAM! Hurry your ass up!"

Sam appeared from the house and Dean walked round to the driver's door.

Bobby slapped Sam on the back as he passed. "Be careful with this crossroads demon, their tricky ones alright. Keep a better eye on your brother this time eh?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "How?" He slipped into the car.

"Sure you don't need my help?" Bobby was torn between letting them go and going with them.

"Yeah, we've got this one Bobby, it's fine. We'll call you when we get to wherever." Dean climbed in beside his brother.

Sam rolled down the window and stuck his head out. "Thanks again Bobby for everything and tell Mags we said hi when you go on that date."

"How'd you know about that?"

Sam touched his nose with his finger. "Psychic, remember?"

"I will." Bobby laughed and banged the roof then watched as the car pulled away.

------

Dean had been quiet in the car except to lay out his plan for taking out the crossroads demon which Sam had tried and failed to disagree with. Sam had then tried twice to start a proper conversation but his brother had all but blanked him, so he gave up and they made the rest of the journey to the house in complete silence.

The two brothers walked up to the front of the house and Sam dumped the two bags of road salt down at the top of the steps. He watched as Dean tried to step round him and into the house itself, and put out an arm to stop him as he did.

Dean looked down at the hand and then raised his eyes to meet his brother's. "We've talked about this, you salt and I summon." He pulled his arm free only to be caught by Sam's hand again. "Sam." There was a warning in the tone of his voice.

"No you talked and just expected me to fall into line…_dad_." Sam found he could easily match his brother's tone tonight. "There is no way that I am letting you go into that house on your own, so grab a friggin' bag and help me salt…sooner that's done, sooner we get this done, sooner we get back out on the road."

"It would be quicker if you let me go in and set things up." Dean pulled himself free of the hand again but didn't move.

"Forget it. We salt together, we go in together. We shouldn't need to summon her anyways, she should be already here, stuck somewhere in the house." Dean went to speak and Sam stopped him. "No need for a devil's trap either, since if we salt the outside of the house she's kinda limited to where she can go."

Dean smirked. "Yeah Sam, no trap means that she can kick our asses round the house until she's tired of it…now _that's_ a great plan."

Sam wondered why he had missed his brother talking so much and then lifted one of the bags and threw it at Dean. "Ok then…you do the salt and I'll do the prep and the exorcism."

Dean laughed a dry, hard laugh. "Now _that_, is so not gonna happen."

"Well you walking into that house on your own ain't either so quit bitching and salt." Sam thought for a moment that Dean was going to continue the exchange but then he saw the little change in his brother that signalled he'd won this round.

Dean ripped opened the bag and Sam smiled as he heard him mutter under his breath. "Yeah and I'm the one that's like dad."

Sam grabbed the other bag and helped his brother.

----

The house was dark inside so Sam risked the lights in the main room.

"She'll be in the basement."

Sam turned to look at Dean. "How would you know that?"

" 'Cos I kinda already bumped into her." Dean never looked at him as he headed for the door that would take them downstairs.

Sam stopped him. "You bumped into her…when?"

"When Marion put me down in the basement, she wanted a chat but lucky me, I couldn't hear her, so she left."

"So why didn't you mention it?"

Dean sighed. "One, it wasn't worth mentioning and two…couldn't talk bro."

"Good excuse." Sam didn't like how his brother wouldn't meet his eyes. "Maybe we should do a coupla traps…just in case."

"Really Sam, make up your damned mind or we're gonna be here all night." Dean's irritated tone was back. He dropped the bag and threw the can that he pulled out at Sam. "We'll do them up here, and 'cos you're taller…you get to do the one on the ceiling."

"Fine."

"Fine."

-----

Dean laughed as Sam climbed off the table. "Dude you look like you've got the measles!"

"Bite me!" Sam rubbed his face and thought how nice it was to hear Dean's laugh again, even it if was at his expense.

Dean stilled his hand. "Sam don't, you are so making it worse…just leave it, there's stuff in the car'll get that off later. Let's just do this."

"Fine." Sam grabbed his arm again. "I'll go first."

There was no arguing with Dean's tone this time. "Now _that_ you ain't doing." He looked down at his arm and Sam dropped his hand. "If you do that again I'm really not gonna to play nice anymore…we clear? I'm going down alone, let's just stick to the plan…I'll bring her back up."

"Dean…" Sam started to protest again.

"Just be ready for your part ok?"

Sam huffed but nodded and his brother stepped down into the cellar. Dean had the little tin in his pocket but he didn't think he'd need it…she was here already…he just knew it.

He walked down half way and then sat down on the steps and waited.

He didn't have to wait long. Her arms slipped round his chest and he felt her sit down on the steps above him, knees against his sides and her head falling forward so that her chin rested on his shoulder, her lips close to his ear.

"Well hello sugar, you came back then? I see that you solved your little problem, I'm glad." She moved her arm and turned his head to look at her. "You've got such pretty eyes, shame not to be able to use them."

She brushed her lips gently across his cheek. "So what brings you back here, perhaps there is something else that I can fix for you? You seem a little sad there Dean. Missing the daughter you never had?"

"What if I am…you gonna fix that for me?"

"I could if you wanted…bring little Jane back." She ran her hand behind his neck and pulled him a little closer to her.

"What about Audrey?" She could hear the little bit of want in his voice…she liked want…want was good.

"Now Dean that would just be greedy. It doesn't work that way. A soul for a soul. You know the drill…like your dad's for yours." She laughed in his ear and he pushed her off and stood. The voice from behind them stopped them.

"Well we've got two souls here. His…." Sam pointed at his brother. " …and mine."

Dean watched as her eyes flamed red, the lure of getting both Winchester lighting a fire in her. "No way Sam. That's not gonna happen."

She turned and moved towards Sam and he stepped back out into the hallway. Dean followed her up. "Now that is a very interesting proposition. Dean gets his little girl back alive and breathing and you get Audrey back, make up for running out and leaving her little sister in the hands of a madman."

She laughed as the shock register on Sam's face. "How did you know about that?"

"I know all the deep dark secrets Sam…that's how I make my target for the year." She stepped out of the basement and into the room. "I only need two more to get my summer bonus." She closed the gap on Sam. "So whatcha say guys…wanna make my day for me?" She turned to Dean. "I mean you do want your brother to get the chance to meet his niece, the chance you denied him of?"

Sam watched as Dean walked towards her. He grabbed her arms and lent into her space brushing his lips against her ear. "You want to make a deal with us for my daughter and her mother?" He stepped her back again as he spoke.

"So sexy Dean and so stupid." She stopped on the edge of the devil's trap on the floor. "Did you think that I'd really fall for that one?"

He smiled at her. "No not that one but maybe the one above your head." He pushed her gently and stepped back outside the circle. "You guys will never learn to look up will you? So my brother here has been brushing up on his Latin, want to hear how good he's got? Sam?"

"Your last chance Dean, you could save your daughter and yet you don't….what kinda father does that make you…certainly not like your old man…I mean after all he tossed himself in the pit for you." She walked as close to him as the circle would allow. "What happened to family first Dean?"

"I won't bring her back without her mother and my brother selling his soul just so isn't gonna happen so…much as I am sorely tempted…" he stepped forward to her… "no deal." He turned to Sam. "Read." Sam started the exorcism and Dean walked back to her one last time. "Besides what's dead…should stay dead"

Sam realised to late as she spoke that Dean was too close. He went to shout a warning as she grabbed Dean's arm and pulled him into the trap with her. Her eyes shone red as she grabbed his neck and forced him to his knees. "I couldn't agree more." She looked at Sam.

"I'd put the book down if I was you, or I'll snap his neck"


	24. Chapter 24

Hi there

Next chapter still not the last one though...two more. after this. I am enjoying writing this and this chapter is probably my personal favourite, don't know why though...I just really like it.

Hope you do too!

Hurt! Dean warning!! (One last hill on the rollercoaster folks!)

Thanks again for all the reviews. Love you all lots, Mary xx

Brother, Father

Sam stood for a moment just staring and then he caught them both by surprise with his reaction to the threat.

"You're an idiot do you know that, why can't you watch what your doing!"

Sam almost screamed the words over to his brother.

"I'm sick of having getting you out of the latest mess that you've got yourself in...sick…d'you hear me!"

He slammed the book shut and dropped it on the table turning his attention from his stunned brother to the equally stunned demon.

"So I let you out the trap, you'll probably kill him anyway and then you'll start on me. Am I close?"

She went to speak but found that the confusion in her head wouldn't let her. Dean laughed and she tightened her hold. "God we've done it now…Sam's pissed." His laugh became an almost mad chuckle. "This is so not gonna end well."

"I mean it. I'll do it…break the circle." She twisted Dean's neck hard enough to make him groan.

Sam looked at his brother and tilted his head. "I think he's liking that." Dean smirked at him despite the pain in his neck. "Maybe I should just leave you two alone."

He picked up the book and started to walk to the door when she called to him. "What the hell are you doing? I'm threatening to kill your brother and you're just walking away?"

"Looks that way…good luck getting out the circle if you do kill him." Sam put his hand on the door handle, stopped and turned to Dean "You can sort this one out all on you own…I've had it."

He opened the door walked out and slammed it shut behind him. "What is he doing?"

"Leaving by the looks of things, I think we made him mad." Dean's laugh turned to a strangled cough as she choked him.

"Well it looks like you'll just need to break the circle for me." She loosened her grip and pulled him up.

"Bit butch for a dame ain'tcha?" He cried out as she twisted his arm.

"Shut up and break the damned circle or so help me Lucifer I'll make you shut up. You remember what it was like not being able to talk Dean? I can do that again you know and I don't need the ritual."

She liked the little bit of panic that flared in his eyes and then was gone. "One problem."

"What?" Irritation sounded in her voice.

"Trap's on the ceiling…I can't reach it without the table…and the table is over there…so unless you let me go…I can't let you go."

"Aaarhh." She spun him round looking for another solution to the problem. Where was none. "I hate your brother…and I hate you!"

"Get in the queue." Dean turned his head as far as he could. "What now then?"

"I could just kill you anyway…just for the sheer hell of it."

"You could, but you won't…stuck…remember."

"He'll come back for you. He wouldn't leave you here that's not how you two work."

"Yeah, he'll come back eventually…once he calms down…but he may not come back alone and then your screwed…he's not gonna let you go…you know that don't you?"

She turned him and smiled. "Well I'll just have to get someone else to help me."

Dean so did not like the joyous little look of triumph that crossed her face. She closed her eyes and started to chant softly under her breath.

"What are you doing?" She stopped and grinned at him. "Solving two problems at once…I'm raising the dead."

Dean froze. "You're what….?"

"The deal was Marion got to see you rot before she did…you broke that by killing her which means technically I can bring them back to complete the deal."

"Technically…so you're breaking the rules to save your own ass…isn't that frowned on or something. Don't you guys have any ethics?!"

She smiled at him. "Not breaking them Dean…just bending then a little. And no…there are no ethics in Hell Dean." She went back to the chant.

Dean knew that whatever Sam had been trying to do by leaving had just blown up in their faces. He screamed his brother's name.

"SAM!"

"Yeah what?" She turned just as Sam threw the holy water in her face. She screamed and let Dean go, pushing him to the floor as she did.

"Move Dean, now!" He shouted but his brother was already moving out the circle and away from her.

Sam had come round the back way, ducking out of sight as she had turned to look round the room. He hadn't left Dean, he'd only gone to get the bottle of holy water from the trunk, not able to reach the one in the duffle in the room they had all been in. He had realised that this was his only shot at getting Dean out.

"You're too late." She screamed at Sam. "It's already worked."

Sam opened the book and watched as Dean pushed back with his heels struggling to reach the duffle on the floor. He tore his eyes away from the sight and began to read. The demon cursed and screamed at him until the ritual was finished and then the room descended into an eerie silence.

Sam walked towards Dean intent on helping him up. He reached for his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"You are an idiot, but you know that? What are those for?"

He realised that Dean was holding two long pokers in his other hand.

Dean looked at him and passed one to him. "I'll toss you for the ugly one."

Sam gave him a 'what' look but Dean was pushing him to his side, raising the weapon in his hand.

"Hello bitch..es."

Sam turned to find the two Marions standing at the top of the basement stairs.

"Shit." He raised the weapon that his brother had passed to him.

---

Before he realised what was happening Dean was moving…a quick lunge forwards closing the gap between them and allowing him to connect with the younger woman first and knock her into the older one. Sam cried out as Dean's momentum and bulk carried all three of them through the basement door and down the stairs beyond.

"Dean!" He was moving, stopping to snag the torch and then he was tearing down the stairs after them. "Dean!"

Even though the delay had been small by the time he got into the basement Dean had the younger Marion pinned beneath him. Sam watched in horror as the older one approached his brother with the poker in her hand.

"Hey!" She turned at the shout and he smiled as his own weapon connected with her head with a satisfying thunk. She fell forward knocking Dean off the other woman but not going down as hard as Sam would have liked. He reached forward and tried to pull her off Dean as his brother rolled behind her. Sam pulled her back onto her knees as the younger version fastened her hands onto Dean's neck pinning him.

Sam was distracted slightly by his brother's strangled cry and that was all the room she needed. She brought her head back so fast and so hard that the force of it connecting with Sam's face threw him backwards, his head connecting with the bottom of the stairs and knocking him out cold.

The younger woman wriggled free from under him and then Dean watched as the older Marion raised the poker and ran it straight into his right shoulder. He couldn't bite back the scream. Her face swam in front of him.

"Did that hurt Dean? Good, 'cos I'm gonna do it again."

She reached for the other poker and drove it into his left shoulder.

He felt the darkness rise up to try and take him and he fought it, knowing that if he went under that would be it…for him and Sam, although he wasn't quite sure how the hell they were supposed to get out of this now.

The older woman felt his ankle and pulled out the small knife that he had there.

She smiled as she lent over him. " This is how this all started Dean eh? You pinned to the floor and me gonna carve you open…except this time…you die Dean. I'm going cut you to ribbons and then let you bleed to death and then I'm going to kill your bother too."

Dean fought through the pain. "Don't. You. Touch. Him."

"Oh that got you riled there Dean…maybe I should do him first?"

"Crazy. Bitch." He spat the words at her.

"Then again." She took the knife and cut open his t-shirt. "The wounds healed nicely didn't they. Let's see if we can't fix that."

Dean screamed as she dug the knife in under his rib.

"What a great noise…let's see if you can do that again."

She took the knife and dug it into his hip, slicing his side as she pulled it up towards her. He screamed again, not caring that he was giving her pleasure.

Dean felt the chill increase in the basement.

That's when he felt her beside him, when he felt the small hands on his face and he opened his eyes but there was nothing and no one there…only the gentle pressure of her touch.

"Sssh, daddy." He felt his heart hitch at the word and suddenly he felt detached from what was happening around him…there was only her touch and her voice. "It's ok…just rest." He closed his eyes and felt a soft little kiss brush his cheek and then the hand wiped away the single tear that escape his eye. "Sleep now…it will be alright."

He felt himself let go, briefly succumbing to her and then he violently jerked back awake as Marion brought the knife back down on him. There was no pain this time but he forced opened his eyes, not really willing to let himself go just yet.

He saw the figure forming in front of him, watched as it knelt down on the opposite side of him from Marion and his eyes followed her hands to the poker that had been driven through his right shoulder.

She lent down to him. "Close your eyes." He did as Audrey asked. "We've got you…it's alright…your safe..." She turned her head. "…Sam's safe." She whispered the words to him again. "Let go."

He felt it as she pulled the poker from his shoulder and heard her as she spoke. "YOU…killed my daughter." He smiled as he heard the scream ring out and felt the hands touch his head again, this time gently stroking his hair. "Sssh."

Then Dean let the darkness take him down.


	25. Chapter 25

Hi there

Well, just a lighter little chapter here and then Dean has one final thing that he has to do and this will be over...next chapter is definitely the last...this time I mean it.

Slightly longer chapter cos I couldn't get a better place to stop.

I will try and update the last chapter asap.

Moments with Me and Mine

"Dean!"

His brother's voice cut into the blackness carving a slither of light through it, but Dean wasn't sure he was ready to go there just yet. Waking up would bring pain, would bring reality back and he liked the blackness because he wasn't alone here. She was with him.

"Dean!"

Sam's voice was insistent, leaving no room for defiance.

"Dean!"

He opened his eyes and cried out as the full force of the pain from his injuries hit him.

"Hurts." He thought it was too simple a statement for the amount of pain that he was feeling.

"I know." Sam's hand ghosted his cheek where hers had been moments before. "I thought I'd lost you for a minute there."

Sam's worried face became clearer and Dean took in the huge bruise on the side of his brother's head.

"What…happened…your…face?" Dean took long shuddering breathes between each word.

"Bumped it…'s fine." Sam shook his head at his brother. "I've patched you up a bit…Mags is on the way with an ambulance, some friends of hers that won't ask questions, at least until we have some answers…I was scared…"…he cleared his throat…"…to move you."

Dean smiled at his brother, not missing the little pause in the sentence…well at least he hoped that the look on his face was a smile but he rather suspected that it was more of a grimace.

Dean tried to sit up but instantly regretted it as the movement caused a searing pain to pass through his shoulders and chest. He moaned loudly.

"For God's sake Dean, lie still damn you! Need to get this out you before you can move ok?"

Dean dropped his eyes from Sam's face and realised that the second poker was still in his shoulder. He let out a soft groan as the knowledge that it was still there somehow made the hurt worse.

"We need to get you to a hospital bro' but I didn't want to move you on my own. Mags won't be long."

Dean could almost taste the panic in his brother's voice. He tried to speak again but he found that his voice didn't want to play ball.

Sam leaned in. "What's up?"

"Still…here." Dean shut his eyes again the effort to talk and to keep them open just too much. Dean knew that she was kneeling next to Sam, he couldn't see her but he could feel her presence and he wondered how Sam couldn't.

He relaxed as a gentle hand touched his head.

"Still here? What are you…" Sam stopped and watched as Dean started to fade again. "Stay with me Dean…please?"

Dean tried to do what his brother asked but it was just too much.

"Saved…she…here." Dean was drifting again…the pain building, causing his breath to shudder through him again. He felt the little hand, this time on his cheek again, as if she was trying to smooth away all the pain and he turned his head into the touch and let himself sink into it.

"Dean?"

Sam realised that his brother had passed out again and he prayed that Mags would hurry.

---

The beep of the heart monitor wasn't only keeping in time with his heart…his head was thumping along nicely to the same beat.

He rmoved his head slightly and the wonderful feeling that you only got with heavy meds or illegal drugs washed over him.

He could feel no pain apart from the beat in his temple that was somehow defying the medication and irritating the heck out him. He gave up trying to ignore it and opened his eyes hoping that it would make a difference…it didn't.

He tried to figure out just where he was.

The room looked like a hospital but it didn't smell like one…not as antiseptic or as stark as usual. A movement across the room caught his eye and he turned his head, groaning slightly at the effort that just that small movement took and looked over to the window.

He made out the outline of the person that was standing staring out at what Dean thought was a sunrise but he wasn't quite sure.

"S'm?" The figure turned and smiled.

He realised as she turned that it was a woman standing at the window, for a moment he thought it was Audrey, that she was still here, but then he realised that it was someone older.

"Hi, back with the land of the living I see then." Mags walked over and sat on the edge of the bed resting her hand on the top of his. "How are you feeling?"

"Drugged."

Mags smiled at him. "Yeah I made sure that they gave you the good stuff."

She watched as Dean made as if to sit up and placed a gentle but firm restraining hand on his chest. "Wouldn't do that if I was you. One…your shoulders ain't gonna let you, don't think for a minute that they're up to taking your weight just now and two…you tear my stitching and I'll finish what they started" Her voice bode no argument and he relaxed back down under her hand.

"Where….?"

"…are you?" Mags finished for him. "Friend of mine runs this place, it's a private clinic. There'll be fewer questions here and he owed me a few favours."

"Shouldn't have…" Dean looked as if he was going to try and sit up again but the look she threw him stopped him dead.

"I mean it, lie still or I'll put you out again. Between you and that brother of yours…"

Dean suddenly realised that Sam was missing. "Sam?" Panic filled his voice, his thoughts turning straight away to the head injury that his brother had had.

Mags looked at him sheepishly. "He wouldn't leave you…so I'm ashamed to say…I kinda slipped something in his coffee. He's down the hall sleeping like a baby and he's fine." She smiled at him. "Don't tell him what I did ok?"

Dean smiled. "I won't." His voice was quiet, barely managing more than a whisper and it was dry sounding. Mags lifted the cup of ice chips up for him. He took some and let them melt in his mouth, relishing the cold trickle of water down his throat.

"Thanks. That's better. How am I?"

"Your welcome…well it could have been worse." She laughed as Dean rolled his eyes. "It could have been. You lost more than a bit of blood and both your shoulders are pretty screwed, she aimed low so you should be grateful, she skewered you but she didn't break your shoulder so as I said it…it could be worse. That left shoulder of yours has seen some action before though hasn't it?"

Dean raised a half grin. "Yeah. You could say that."

"It's not gonna heal as quickly because of it." She looked at him. "Do you always just go from one disaster to another like this?"

"Pretty much….although this is kinda extreme even for me. I usually try to leave more than two or three weeks between tortures." She laughed and he joined her…coughing through the end of it.

She gave him some more ice chips.

"How are your eyes and ears anyway?" He could only lie there and scowl as she shone a light that was way too bright in his eyes. "Eyes are kinda red looking there, they bothering you?"

"Hearing's ok…but yeah, my eyes still hurt now and again."

She frowned at that. "I'll get John to check them out before we get you out of here. He still owes me a few favours even with this."

"No." Dean moved his hand slightly under hers. She looked down at him.

"No what?"

"I appreciate everything that you've done but I don't want anymore favours…they'll be fine."

"Dean it's no problem really." She tapped gently on his hand.

"No…I can't repay you as it is…."

"Tell you what then….I'll get you to do a favour for me in return…call it quits. What do you think?"

"Me do you a favour…how?" His face bore a sceptical look.

"We'll get you checked over properly and get you back on your feet and once you are you can look out for Bobby for me as your favour. How does that sound?"

Dean chuckled. "That's kinda a steep favour…Bobby gets into more trouble than I do."

She touched his face. "Now somehow I find that hard to believe."

Dean looked at her. "He likes you, you know. What if I fix you two up?" He had a little evil glint in his eye but she could see he was tiring again.

"Do you want to get out of here? Just make sure that he stays ok and we're good. Deal?" She felt him tense at the word and then realised her mistake. Sam and her had had a long talk. "Agreed?"

He smiled at her. "Agreed. I'd shake and everything but…"

"Yeah maybe not the best idea at the moment, maybe later."

He watched as a strange look crossed her face and when she lent in he thought he saw her eyes change colour. "It's ok…just rest." She touched his head. "Sleep now…it will be alright." He recognised the words that his daughter had spoken to him in the basement.

Mags sat back and blinked at him, her eyes changing colour once again. "I feel funny, probably hungry. You get some rest now." She stood and walked away with a slight shake of her head.

Dean closed his eyes a sad smile on his face.

---

Sam sat quietly as Dean finished telling him what little he knew about what happened in the basement.

"So Audrey saved us…and Jane was there? When I came to, the bodies were gone Dean and you were pinned…I didn't see any of it."

"Jane was touching my face, calming me…it was Audrey that killed them or got rid of them or whatever the heck she did to them." Dean paused for a little moment. "Sam…they were still there…when you woke me…Jane was still with me. Didn't you feel her…she was right beside you?"

"You could see her?" Sam shuffled closer.

"No. I just knew she was there. I could feel her kneeling next to me…does that make any sense at all." Dean lowered his eyes from Sam's face. "I…she knew…you know who I was. She called me...daddy." He looked back up. "Do you think Audrey told her or was it just 'cos she was like a spirit…she just knew?"

Sam thought about his answer. "She probably just knew Dean. I don't think Audrey would have burdened her with that so soon after her husband had died." He smiled at Dean. "So she knew who you were…and they saved us. That's kinda cool isn't it?"

Dean returned the smile. "I suppose it is. Audrey's voice though…she was so angry with Marion…rightly so…but still. I gave me the chills to hear it."

"Where's the worry. Marion finally got what she deserved and with the crossroads demon gone this time she won't be coming back."

"I hope not." Dean smiled at his brother again and Sam realised that the subject was about to get changed. "What do you say once I get out of here we head West…San Fran. or L.A. Grab some R&R?"

"Ok."

Sam shrugged at his brother's suggestion. "Ok? Just like that?" Dean paused, his face becoming serious. "I think you should get Mags."

Sam could feel just a little bit of panic inside. "Why? What's up?" He automatically touched a hand to Dean's forehead.

"I must be worse than I think…you agreed without an argument…you'd tell me if I was dying dude…wouldn't you?" Dean's face altered into his famous grin.

Sam's worried touch changed to a slap to Dean's head. "Asshole."

"Yeah…but you love me right?"

Sam slapped him again.

---

It had taken another few weeks before Mags had relinquished her hold on Dean and the brothers had ended back at Bobby's place…again.

"You didn't need to go and get banged up again to come back here Dean Winchester…didn't I tell you that?" He turned to Sam as he pulled their bags from the car. "And I know that I told you to watch out for your brother…."

"Yeah you did Bobby and again I'll ask you…how? Not my fault that he stood to damn near the trap."

Bobby turned and glared at Dean who just shot a cheeky look at him. "I'm an id..jit. I know."

"Well just so long as we're clear on that." He cuffed Dean's head and then helped him into the house ignoring the protests that that raised.

---

"Fifty. Fifteen minutes." Bobby smiled at Sam.

"Fifty it is. Ten minutes."

The young man turned his head and looked in the direction of the bedroom then he turned his attention to his watch. They both sat silently watching as the ten minute mark approached.

Sam smiled as Dean's voice sounded from the bedroom. "Sonuva….SAM!"

"I win…ten minutes exactly." He held out his hand and Bobby slapped the money into it.

"Well stop gloating and go help him! I'll get the coffee back on."

Sam stood and walked through to the bedroom door. Dean was sitting on the bed with just his boxers on and looking at his shirt and jeans as if they were the most hateful objects in the entire world.

"What?" Sam smirked at his brother.

"Don't. Don't laugh at me. I need you to help me."

"What's the word." Sam made no effort to move off of the door frame that he had leaned against.

"Now!" Dean's face had a slight red flush to it and Sam couldn't decide if he was on the edge of anger or embarrassment.

"I'm pretty sure that's not the word that I was looking for."

"Don't be an ass Sam…I need you to help me." He settled on it being embarrassment.

"And the word…?"

Dean sighed loudly. "Please."

"That's better." Sam pushed off the door, walked over and grabbed Dean's shirt from him. Carefully he slide his brother's left shoulder in and the gently eased back the right one, stopping as Dean hissed.

"You ok?"

"Peachy…I think I preferred being blind. At least I could dress my friggin' self." He looked up at Sam. "This is so embarrassing I want to kill myself."

Sam had bent down to help Dean get his jeans on and he stopped, placing his hands on Dean's knees. "Don't joke about that."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it…it just kinda slipped out. I wouldn't…you know."

Sam put his arm gently under Dean and pulled him up, pulled his jeans up and then left his brother to finish. "I know."

He turned to leave when Dean's voice stopped him. "Sam I've got something else that I need you to give me a hand with."

Sam didn't like the pained look that passed across his brother's face. "Are you ok? What do you need me to do?"

"Let's go for a drive and I'll tell you."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Well Dean needs his brother's help to finish off this story, one final task that he needs to do.

Hope you liked this chapter no action but I needed to lift the mood slightly and give Dean a little break.

Thanks again to those that review and to the loads of you that just read and enjoy. I do that too!

Cheers Mary xx


	26. Chapter 26

Well here it is, the last one. I feel sad 'cos I've really enjoyed this story, started out as one thing and ended up as something else entirely.

One last little bit of emotional trauma for my man and then little lighten of the mood to end.

Sam helps his brother with his request. Dean 'thanks' Bobby for his help!

Enjoy for the last time, Mary xx

With A Little Help From My Friends

"You can't be serious about this." Sam turned to his brother with a shocked look on his face.

"As a heart attack." Dean lowered his eyes and then turned and looked out the window of the car unable to look at Sam for a moment. "You know that this has to be done right? Do you think that if I thought there was a way to just leave it that I wouldn't do just that?" Dean turned back to him. "You know what could happen if we don't…I need your help on this Sam…please. I can't do this on my own…not like this."

Sam sat quiet for a moment, deep in thought. "If you hadn't have been hurt I wouldn't have been here, would I?"

Dean shook his head. "No. I should be doing this alone Sam, but I can't manage it the way my shoulders are. I'm sorry I had to ask you to do this. I mean I didn't even tell you that they existed and now…well now I expect you to do this." Dean voice was so low Sam struggle to hear him. "It's not right."

"I'm your brother Dean, you're suppose to be able to ask me to help you at some point, it's only you that thinks different. I know that you wouldn't have asked me to help do this if it wasn't right." Sam opened the car door and walked round to help Dean out the car. "You sure about this?"

Dean nodded.

"Ok then, let's finish this."

Sam went to walk away when Dean's voice stopped him once again.

"Sam?"

Sam turned to face his brother. "What?"

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Sam walked round the car and emptied what they needed from the trunk.

He smiled at Dean and threw him his jacket. "Here, make yourself useful…hold that."

"Bitch." Dean caught Sam's jacket with a little grimace of pain.

"Jerk."

With that the two brothers walked in the cemetery.

---

It was slow going, it had been raining and the ground was heavy. Sam wished that they had told Bobby what they were doing, asked him for his help but he knew that if Dean had been fully fit he wouldn't have been here either. It didn't annoy him as much as he thought it should have, just made him sad that Dean always felt the need to shoulder all his burdens himself. One day Sam was going to get him to really open up to him but he reckoned that that day was a long way off.

"Sam…here." He looked up and Dean was standing with a bottle of water in his hand. "Thought you might need this." Sam realised that he had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't even noticed Dean going back to the car.

"Thanks." He stopped and took the bottle drinking almost in one go. "You ok?"

"Yeah." Dean shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and grimaced slightly at the little trickle of pain it caused in his arms and shoulders. He saw Sam staring at him. "The cold…it's making my shoulders ache."

Sam sighed. "Well go sit in the car, I'll call ya when I'm done."

"No. I'm not leaving you alone here…it's just…I feel so friggin' useless."

Dean kicked a large piece of loose muck at the grave side and they watched as it rolled into the grave. "That…is definitely not helping. I'm trying to get it out not in. Go sit somewhere and let me get on with this."

Sam knew that he couldn't ease Dean's discomfort with the situation any so he went back to digging…sooner he finished, the sooner he could get Dean out of here and back to Bobby's.

As he dug, he watched Dean walk over and lean against the side of the headstone of the grave, watched as Dean slipped down it, uncaring of the wet ground beneath him and closed his eyes.

---

This was worse than Dean had thought it would be. All he could do was hang around and wait until Sam was finished.

Wait and think.

He wondered again if he was doing the right thing but Audrey and Jane where still here and he knew that they shouldn't be…that they should have moved on. He knew what that meant. He knew how angry spirits were born and he wasn't prepared to let that happen to them. They had saved him and Sam…now he was going to save them back…no matter how awful this was making him feel.

He was going to salt and burn his own daughter and her mother.

He didn't have a choice but that somehow made it worse rather than better.

---

He felt them before he saw them, the cold wrapping itself round him, making him shiver. A little fear crept through him. He had hoped that they wouldn't come, that he would be spared trying to explain what he was doing…spared from having to say goodbye…he didn't think that he was going to be able to handle this. He opened his eyes and made out the outline of the woman kneeling next to him.

"Dean."

She touched his face and he felt the tears sting in his eyes. He dropped his eyes and choked out the words. "I'm sorry, I have to do this."

She lifted his head back up with her fingers, looked at him and smiled. "You know I could stop you if I wanted to…I could stop you and Sam from doing this."

Dean felt the shock of her words at they hit him. He couldn't do this if she fought him, he knew that, he just didn't have the strength at the moment. "I know. If you do, remember it's my doing…not Sam's. He looked at her. "Hurt me if you have to…but not him."

She touched his face again. "I won't fight you Dean. I know what you are doing is for the best. She told me it was but I wasn't ready before."

Dean felt a little memory tug at him, in the hospital after the crash…before dad…, but he couldn't quite pull it into a thought. "She?"

Audrey continued speaking. "She said she was...a reaper…she told me that we should go with her, that I wouldn't get another chance but I knew what mom had done, I wanted my revenge. I wanted to stop her before she hurt anyone else and then she came after you…I'm sorry I was too late to stop her hurting you."

"Don't be sorry, you saved me Audrey." He leant forward and touched his forehead to hers. "You saved Sam. Thank you."

She gently kissed his forehead. "We're ready to move on now to whatever or wherever is next. It's ok."

He felt the small arms circle his neck and turned his head slightly. His daughter was smiling at him. Audrey took his hand. "It's ok. She knows, and I'll explain everything to her. I'll make sure she understands why."

Dean wasn't sure if she was talking about now or the past and he found he didn't really want to ask.

"Take care." He felt the chill lift a little. "Goodbye Dean."

---

Sam was shaking him.

"Dean, you alright?"

"Sorry Sammy, I must have zoned out there for a moment." He looked up at his brother and saw the look that crossed his face. "What?"

"What did they want?" Dean couldn't read the expression on Sam's face. "Are we gonna have trouble with this?" He watched as his brother's eye flicked to the duffle and the shotgun that Dean knew would be inside.

"No….you saw them?"

"Kinda of, it was like a mist around you."

"They came to say goodbye." Dean's face was calm but his voice betrayed him with a little tremble in it.

"Oh." Sam paused and looked back at the grave. "I've finished." He looked back at Dean.

"It's time."

---

Both brother stood side by side for a moment at the now open grave before Sam dropped in. "I can do this if you want?" He looked up at Dean and his brother shook his head. "I mean it, why don't you go wait in the car Dean? I'll finish this."

"No Sammy, thanks, but no. Open it."

Sam sighed and pulled open the casket. The necklace caught his eye straight away. "Wasn't that mom's?" He was thankful of the distraction it provided, drawing his attention away from the face above. He found that he didn't want to look at the face.

"Yeah, dad must have given it to her. He never said."

"Do you want me to….?"

"No. Leave it there. With her. Out now Sam."

Sam climbed back out and Dean watched as his brother poured the salt and the lighter fluid on the grave and he felt something give a little twist inside.

It must have shown on his face because when he looked at Sam he had concern written all over his. "You ok with this?"

Dean smiled at him. "No not really."

He dropped the lit book of matches into the grave and they both took a step back at the flames roared into life. He couldn't help it, every time they did this now Dean thought of his dad. That was the thought that got him moving, almost running out the cemetery…he reached the car and threw up at the back of it, the retching motion killing his chest and making him feel faint.

Dean realised that he'd never hated his life more than he did at this moment. He clutched his chest as his stomach rebelled on him again.

He knew Sam was hovering behind him. "Go finish it." He managed to croak the words out.

Sam touched his back briefly and then was gone.

Dean pulled open the passenger door of the car and slumped into the seat. He was still lying there when Sam came back and threw their stuff in the trunk. Dean looked like he was sleeping but Sam knew that he wasn't. Sam slid into the car beside Dean and started the engine.

"Dean….?" His brother cut him off.

"I'm fine Sammy." Dean opened his eyes but didn't look at his brother. "I'm just sick of this, you know."

Sam touched Dean's shoulder gently. "I know."

---

_Bobby's – a few weeks later_

Sam stood and watched Dean struggle to get into his jeans biting back the urge to laugh.

"I could help you, all you gotta do is ask."

Dean scowled at him. "No, thank you, I'm gonna get these on if it kills me."

Sam did laugh this time. "Well if your fed up hunting you could always get a job as a contortionist at the circus."

Dean stopped his struggling. "Bite me!"

Sam turned to leave. "Well if you need me just holler."

Dean glared at his back thinking that this time, hell would freeze over before he'd give up and ask for help.

---

Bobby eyed Dean suspiciously. "You and Sam want to take me out for a drink to thank me for my help? What's up?" He walked up to Dean whose face bore a much too innocent look. "What are you cooking up in that one brain cell of yours?"

"Nothing…we never do anything to show you how much we appreciate your help and the first time we do…you throw it back in our face. Fine. Stay here." Dean grabbed his jacket and gingerly shrugged it on. "Come on Sam." He started to head for the door.

Bobby sighed and thought that no one did offended quite as well as a Winchester.

"Ok. I'll come….but so help me God Winchester if you're up to something…"

Dean's smile was a little too bright and it made Bobby nervous. "Me? Up to something? Nah."

Bobby looked at Sam and the boy almost ran for the door.

---

Bobby watched as they drove by the only bar in the town next to his salvage yard and stopped outside a little restaurant that was just down the street. He frowned as Sam pulled the Impala up behind Mags truck.

"If you've done what I think you've done Dean Winchester, Sam is gonna be looking for a new brother."

Mags hopped out of the truck as Bobby and the boys got out of the car. "Hi Dean. So you said you wanted to talk to me? Hey Bobby, Sam. Why are you all here?"

She looked at Dean and he laughed. "I said I'd fix you to up, didn't I?" He lent in and whispered to her.

"And I remember telling you not too!" She laughed in spite of herself at the impish look on his face.

"I don't remember than…must have been the meds." He turned to Bobby. "The meal and the drink is all paid for and look Bobby….you don't have a car so Mags will just have to drive you home."

Dean winked at Bobby and he wanted to wipe the smirk right off of Dean's face. "I hate you, you know that don't you." Bobby slapped Dean on the shoulder taking a little pleasure from the groan that it caused.

Mags joined in. "So do I." She slapped the other shoulder and Dean let out a little hitched breath. "Sorry Dean, did that hurt?"

"Where's the sympathy!" He turned to his brother. "Ok Sam, my work is done. You kids have fun now. We're out of here."

He turned to follow Sam back to the car and then stopped, walking back to Bobby he slipped something in his pocket and spoke quietly to him. "Safety first remember old man, there's instructions in the box…just in case you've forgotten where they go and how to use them."

Bobby couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Good you practice something that's safe, Dean. Just try to be more careful before you get far enough to use what you just slipped into my pocket ok?"

"I hear ya." He opened the door to the car and when to climb in, stopping for the final time. "Think we're headed to L.A., we'll call when we get there." Bobby raised a hand in salute. Dean wasn't quite finished. "Mags? Remember to go gentle on him, his old heart ain't what it used to be!"

She smiled wickedly at Dean. "That's ok honey…I'm an expert at mouth to mouth!" Dean choked as he laughed at the embarrassed look on Bobby's face and got in the car.

They waved at Bobby and Mags as they pulled away.

Sam smiled across at his brother. "So do you think that they'll use the whole box?"

"What? " Dean rolled his eyes. "Come on Sammy, this is Bobby why would I leave him the whole box…he'll be lucky to use the one I did leave him in the box."

"I don't know…Mags is quite something."

Dean grinned. "She is that. I bet she gives the old man a run for his money." He groaned and touched his forehead. "Crap now I've got this god awful picture in my head now of Bobby and Mags…."

"Dean stop please I'm begging you….don't do that to me…don't put that picture in my head."

"Why not you just did it to me." Dean shook his head. "Can we find a bar somewhere…I need a drink to kill the mind numbing images that are trying to invade my brain."

"Ok, we'll stop at the next town but Dean…."

Dean turned. "Yeah."

"If you try to hook up with someone in this bar I'll kill you myself and spare anyone else the trouble. You got me?"

Dean turned. "You know how you said I'd make a great dad?"

Sam turned briefly. "Yeah?"

"Well you'd make someone a wonderful mother."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Sam sat for a moment and then looked over at his brother. He didn't realise that he was still staring until Dean spoke.

"Dude, driving requires you to look at the road sometime you know…if you crash my car again…"

"Again?"

Dean looked at him. "Yeah again. Big semi…you drove in front of it. Ring any bells? Watch the road man…not me…and before you ask…I'm fine ok?"

"The semi hit me…side on…so not my fault."

"Whatever dude, just watch the road."

Sam looked over and realised that Dean was making an effort to appear normal, the joking, the laughing but he knew that what had happened was still troubling his brother, he could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. Dean was fine but he wasn't ok…not yet.

Sam could fix that though, get him busy…find a hunt…maybe a werewolf. Yeah, Dean always liked a good werewolf hunt.

"So, San Fran or L.A. Where'd you want to go first?"

"Let's just let the road take us where it leads us little brother…and you can wake me up when we get there." Dean settled down and closed his eyes.

"Yeah, let's do that."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Hope that you have enjoyed this, there were bits that I loved and bits that I hated 'cos they were hard to write the way I wanted but I hope that it was all good for you. I apologise that I haven't replied to every review but I was silly and posted this on 3 sites at the same time – over 500 reviews in total and if I have replied to them all, this would never had been finished.

A huge thank you for all the reviews-over 240 at the moment and cheers to the people that just read and hopefully enjoyed, there are a lot of you and I am grateful to all of you for taking the time to stop here.

I am stunned by how much you've liked this little fic. especially since I was soo mean to Dean in it (maybe that why you like it! lol)

Hope you like the ending.

Thanks again for all the support. I love and appreciate all of it.

TTFN. See ya soon, Mary xx


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